Flip -flopping
My life has become much better since my separation and divorce during 2021. Suffice it to say that being brought up by an un-diagnosed mentally ill (volatile as HELL) Mother left me primed to accepting being yelled at, put down, and walking on eggshells. A year ago my younger sister just didn't let it go that I needed and could get another position where I work, away from a mentally abusive boss, and she was right, I started feeling like a valuable employee again which has lowered my stress, until November, the on and on like most people on DU, I'm sure.
My sister's 17 yr old daughter is on the Autism spectrum, she is a bright, artistically talented young woman but her numerous, co-current mental illnesses make her life very difficult, and she will probably never leave home. She is in a program that receives funding from Medicaid which has helped her to get therapies that have been wonderful for her. Her Mom is very worried about losing that, but she is terrified about the list being made of Autistic Americans and we are terrified of all three of us losing our mental health meds, for my niece it is VERY dangerous since she has been hospitalized for saying she wanted to kill herself in the past. And that septic tank of information, RFK, Jr has talked up "wellness camps" for people to come off mental health meds (and illegal drugs) for years.
Sister has been coming up with a way to escape to Canada that just might work, but called me hysterical that niece"s therapists won't even believe that her Medicaid funded program is in danger.
Sorry this is so long, but I sometimes crash mentally because I can't help her, then my mind flips to the idea/fact that I am a useless person anyway and that I could help them by killing myself so Sister could inherit my retirement and home. When this happens I want to cry because I don't want to die at all, but my OCD takes over and I obsess that it would be the only moral thing I could do, and at least make my life mean something. I am not obsessing on death today, but I still feel selfish for having a small bit for my future but I don't deserve it.
I am sorry this is so damn long.
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J/K, but that was my first thought! I have no idea if his weird stance on psychiatric drugs has anything to do with Scientology, but there is an eerie similarity.
In case anyone doesn't know, Scientology is radically opposed to all psychiatric drugs and everything else to do with what L. Ron Hubbard once called the "psychiatrist-psychologist-psychoanalyst clique." They have waged war against all mainstream forms of mental health care for decades, claiming that mental illness is not "real" and that they alone have the answers to all of our problems! 
I get a mite testy -- correction, furiously enraged -- whenever anyone starts badmouthing all psychiatric drugs, because the antidepressants I've been taking for the last 20 years have improved my life immeasurably. For that reason alone I would hate Scientology with the fire of a thousand suns, even if I didn't know about any of the other horrible stuff connected with that so-called "church." 
I don't know how I managed to miss hearing about RFK Jr's weird stance on mental health drugs, but now that I'm aware, my previously low opinion of him has dropped to a subterranean level!
Sorry for using your post as an off ramp to a rant about mental health drugs; get the red out. It's just that whenever I hear about someone as influential as RFK Jr advocating against the use of psychiatric meds, I see red. SO much red that it tends to block out everything else momentarily. Now that the red mist has cleared, I just wanted to to say that I'm very glad to hear that you're in a better place since your divorce, and I am extremely sympathetic to your sister's predicament and hope she finds a solution soon.
I am also very concerned about the suicidal ideation you described in the last long paragraph of your post. I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that I think you sound clinically depressed. That stuff about your loved ones being better off without you is right out of the Depression 101 play book. It's exactly the kind of thing people tell themselves when they're in the throes of a severe depression. I don't know if you're on any psych meds right now or not, but if you are, I would call the person who prescribed them and ask for an appointment ASAP. And if you're not on any mental health meds, I would strongly suggest that you call your primary health care provider and ask for an appointment ASAP. When you see them, tell them what you told us in this post.
I hope I haven't come off as pushy. If I have, I offer my sincerest apologies.
I usually try not to stick my nose in other people's business, but after reading this post, I'm concerned about you. I've been down Depression Road many times, and I know what the landscape looks like. If you think anything I said was off base, feel free to ignore! 