Welcome to DU! The truly grassroots left-of-center political community where regular people, not algorithms, drive the discussions and set the standards. Join the community: Create a free account Support DU (and get rid of ads!): Become a Star Member Latest Breaking News General Discussion The DU Lounge All Forums Issue Forums Culture Forums Alliance Forums Region Forums Support Forums Help & Search

Denninmi

(6,581 posts)
Tue Dec 25, 2012, 06:30 AM Dec 2012

Well, kind of a rough night for me.

My mother is in the hospital again, and I guess the rift between my sister and I is permanent. She was off work yesterday, and was to take my mother to a noontime doctor's appointment.

I tried calling a few times in the afternoon, as they should have been home fairly quickly, but I got no answer.

Finally, while I was driving home before six, she called me to say they were at the ER. She was very cold about it. Got home to find a note on the table, signed with her last name.

She came in later, sat down looking ugly. I told her I've had enough of this, and her response was the same as she has told my mother and other sister, I have changed, she doesn't know me anymore, I'm never home because I must hate them. Blah blah blah, same old garbage I've heard for two months now.

I have been trying to let things slide off my back, be polite to her, etc, but she just keeps blowing up at me. I had hope Christmas would be better, I bought her the new Microsoft tablet in the hopes she would like that.

I guess I'm just done with her, I have enough problems of my own without having to deal with her garbage.

I am going to go to the hospital later and see what is going on, my mother apparently was bleeding in her lower GI tract, and may have either a blood clot or infection in her leg.

So yes, I'm a little blue. I guess in life, you need to make out of it what you want. If she wants it this way, so be it, I'll just have to fill my life with someone and something else.

12 replies = new reply since forum marked as read
Highlight: NoneDon't highlight anything 5 newestHighlight 5 most recent replies
Well, kind of a rough night for me. (Original Post) Denninmi Dec 2012 OP
Keep this in mind Tobin S. Dec 2012 #1
That pretty much meshes with what Deb has said about the situation. Denninmi Dec 2012 #2
Hoping your mom will be alright. Festivito Dec 2012 #3
So sorry, Den. elleng Dec 2012 #4
Thank you, Ellen. Denninmi Dec 2012 #5
This message was self-deleted by its author HereSince1628 Dec 2012 #6
Good for you. Denninmi Dec 2012 #8
you are allowed to walk away. mopinko Dec 2012 #7
Thanks. Denninmi Dec 2012 #9
I don't know the whole story but I'm getting the picture. Here's a hug for you. Maraya1969 Dec 2012 #10
Thank you. Denninmi Dec 2012 #11
One thing I have learned... Sophiegirl Dec 2012 #12

Tobin S.

(10,418 posts)
1. Keep this in mind
Tue Dec 25, 2012, 07:29 AM
Dec 2012

If she wants the old you back, that was the sick you- she wants the sick you back.

Maybe she felt she had an element of control over you before. Maybe now you're not much use to her. Maybe she's trying to make you feel guilty.

Those would be my guesses, but I really don't know for sure.

Denninmi

(6,581 posts)
2. That pretty much meshes with what Deb has said about the situation.
Tue Dec 25, 2012, 08:12 AM
Dec 2012

We're all pretty good at psychology after going through the wringer.

Festivito

(13,452 posts)
3. Hoping your mom will be alright.
Tue Dec 25, 2012, 09:11 AM
Dec 2012

I gather you're not home a lot. I'd guess you have a right.

Good luck with the balance between rights and responsibilities.

elleng

(131,122 posts)
4. So sorry, Den.
Tue Dec 25, 2012, 03:00 PM
Dec 2012

As my younger daughter said, about her sister's recent coldness when called about older's grandmother-in-law's recent heart attack, 'It is what it is.' I hope you (and she, my younger daughter) can not only let this stuff slide off your backs, but grow and thrive after doing so. I know how damaging this stuff can be.
and best to your mother.

Denninmi

(6,581 posts)
5. Thank you, Ellen.
Tue Dec 25, 2012, 03:27 PM
Dec 2012

I just got back from the hospital, my mother is doing reasonably well, probably released tomorrow. I went with my sister, she is here now, moody and sullen but at least talking. It is what it is.

Response to Denninmi (Original post)

mopinko

(70,225 posts)
7. you are allowed to walk away.
Tue Dec 25, 2012, 05:41 PM
Dec 2012

i walked away from almost my entire family, and lived to tell the tale. i ache some for what "should" have been. but it wasn't and it isn't going to be.
better a hole where someone used to be than that person gauging a new hole.

happy holidays, anyway.

Denninmi

(6,581 posts)
9. Thanks.
Tue Dec 25, 2012, 07:02 PM
Dec 2012

What bothers me is that 1) we were always very close until this whole fiasco ; 2) I have doubts about her own mental stability and don't want to be a precipitating factor in another crisis; 3) she, rightly or wrong, was kind of my safety net.

Maraya1969

(22,497 posts)
10. I don't know the whole story but I'm getting the picture. Here's a hug for you.
Tue Dec 25, 2012, 08:48 PM
Dec 2012
Keep being true to you.

Sophiegirl

(2,338 posts)
12. One thing I have learned...
Wed Dec 26, 2012, 02:21 AM
Dec 2012

Throughout many years of therapy is that you can't control anyone else's feelings. Only your own. You can choose to let their emotions affect you...either positively or negativly...but it is still your choice. And that can be the most difficult thing to do when dealing with those you care about.

My therapist once told me to get a bunch of Post-It notes and write "It's not about me" on them and stick them all over the place. That was a really great exercise and reminded me that I was not the only one with problems and I am not responsible for how others feel.

I am responsible for myself and my own feelings. Of course, my actions affect others. But, if I am true to who I am - good or bad, I can not, will not, let others make me feel as though I don't have a right to my own feelings.... even if they disagree.

I'm sorry to hear about your mother. I hope she is doing okay.

Latest Discussions»Support Forums»Mental Health Support»Well, kind of a rough nig...