My son's friend drowned this week.

[rbnyc]

My son has a friend at summer camp - not a super close friend, but someone he liked and has played with.

She was on a boat on the 4th that capsized and she was stuck in the cabin and she drowned with two other children.

My son told us about this yesterday. The camp counselors had explained what happened to all the kids. Many had already heard about it on the news.

When he told us about it, he was very matter-of-fact, almost casual. He'll be 8 in September and he's seen a lot of death already. Mostly older family members and friends of mine, sadly. But this is someone in his peer group. He'll be in day camp all summer, and will be missing her, I'm sure. But I was kind of taken aback by how emotionless his reporting was. I actually said - which I'm sure was a mistake - that he didn't seem very upset about it. He said, "Are you kidding me? I'm very upset!" And now he won't talk to me about it at all.

I really blew it.

Anyway - I am so sad for the girl's family. It's just heartbreaking.

[rbnyc]

1. So last night...

...his best friend spent the night and it was a pretty nomal night.

Tonight he cried and cried at bedtime and begged to slepp in my bed. I stayed with him until he fell asleep.

He said he didn't want to talk, he just wanted to sleep in my room.



I screwed this up when he first told us, and now I don't know what to do.

I just stroked his hair and told him I loved him and that I was so lucky until he fell asleep.

I am so lucky.

[HopeHoops]

2. It's not easy. I had a good friend get electricuted in 5th grade (similar age).

He was just climbing a tree and started to fall. He reached out for something and what was there was a power line. That seriously screwed with me. My younger brother died of Reye's Syndrome when I was in 11th grade and my girlfriend of 2 1/2 years died chasing me in a car when I was 19. There's no way to get over such things. I'm 49 and still haunted by them. The best you can do is just try to get him to open up and talk about how he feels. It's not your fault if you can't make him feel better. Just try. Feel free to PM me.

[rbnyc]

3. Thanks so much for your reply.

Life is full of wonderful things, and full of really devastating meaningless tragedy. That's just the way it is. I can't protect him from it. I can just keep on trying to do my best as a parent, knowing I will make mistakes...just keep trying.

He has been very up and down emotionally and has been sleeping in our bed every night, but he has also displayed remarkable maturity recently.

He's such a good boy.

[HopeHoops]

4. That's one of the reasons pets are so wonderful. You have to say good-bye eventually.

Having to do that is one of the toughest decisions you ever make, but it does help children see the temporal nature of life. Eventually they'll have to say good-bye to us. It's never easy under any circumstances, but it is a fact and one that can't be ignored.

Hang in there.

[Ruby Reason]

5. You did not do anything wrong.

There is no right. You expressed what you saw and he expressed how he felt. Nothing more. You were both honest.

Now he knows that it isn't easy for adults either. That talking about it is awkward. But he has turned to you for comfort. He knows he can trust you. That is important and will withstand the test of time.

As a child born to older parents I saw a lot of death earlier than my peers. But my best friend when I was in 5th grade lost his mother suddenly to asthma. He was the one who discovered her. It is never easy, but it is one more step down the path of life. Hold your son's hand when he needs it and he will be steady as he moves forward. It sounds to me like you are doing just fine as a parent in a tough situation.

[rbnyc]

6. Thank you.

That helps a lot.

And I know I am so blessed to have this be the issue I'm struggling with. I have my boy.

Thoughts and prayers to all the mothers and fathers out there who don't have their children anymore.