Pets
Related: About this forumWhen Dogs Lose Their Friends
We moved "Grandma" in with us about 8 years ago. (A year or so after we moved out-of-state she became unable to drive without running into things). So it's been the three of us. She was 91, contracted the flu this week. Sick, but alert, walking, she had an apparent heart attack on the way to the dr's office yesterday. The ER was actually closer. They went to work quickly, but despite their efforts she died. My wife lost a buddy in her as well, and it rips deep into me to see her so sad, but we will work through that.
But I want to post about something else.
.
She was adopted by one of our chihuahua/pomeranian rescues, abt 8 lbs, (we have two) and he rarely left her side or lap. We have 3 much bigger dogs (one a 130 lb Anatolian, who Adam thinks hung the moon), but Adam was Grandmas dog, and she his human. He reminded everyone of that when necessary, did his 7 tall best to take care of her, and Grandma would run his thieving sister off when she tried to steal his food . When Grandma would leave (church, dr, etc), his world was visibly different. He would lie on her bed till until she returned.
Oh, the sheer joy upon the occasion of her return! The first and only thing he wanted, Hurdle up onto the table to see them drive in, yipping and jumping from sheer joy 'till she got in the door, which was deserving of more jumping up and down and barking, then onto her lap where he could greet her properly. They both just laughed... Treats appeared once in a while, but I suspect it was more than the food, which came not to matter after awhile.
We came home without her yesterday. Adam couldn't understand. We never come home without Grandma. He would take a little food, but then it was back to the door, jumping, waiting, and barking. I had to make arrangements with the crematorium, so I asked if it would be alright if I brought him. The woman said she would need to speak to the director, and we set up an appointment. We showed up, I left Adam in the car with my wife, still anxious, wiggly, yipping a little now and then. Maybe I was lucky, but we were met by the director, he let us in his office alone. He brought Grandma into a chapel in a paper box. I took Adam in and held him near her head and shoulders, and as he smelled, (I placed him near her face), he visibly relaxed, and his head lowered. He quit wiggling. I held him there a bit more, let him kinds of stand near her, spoke a bit, and said goodbye.
We left, and when we came home there was no more jumping and barking. He went in, walked around the room a bit, and jumped on her bed to lie down. That night he slept with us, and the big dogs had to learn to make a space again. Today he has gone in and out of Grandma's room, but no longer looks for her, and is sleeping with my wife.
I don't want to attribute human traits to a dog, and I think the world dogs see is created mostly by their noses. It doesn't look like the one we see, or at least not the way we think of it. But I think there is some kind of attachment there, and perhaps we gave him a little chance to understand his loss and deal with it.
If the occasion arises, perhaps you could see if there is a friend left behind that needs your help. I dont know what that need might be, but I bet it will be appreciated.
barbtries
(28,811 posts)it's wonderful what you did for Adam.
Fridays Child
(23,998 posts)Stinky The Clown
(67,819 posts)I don't want to attribute human traits to a dog . . . . .
Nor do I, but dammit, they DO understand. They ARE connected. They DO grieve. They DO have emotions.
No, they're not humans. They're dogs. Their love is more pure. It is unconditional.
Just recently was that picture of the German Shepherd Dog in Italy, attending daily Mass, as he had for years, even after his mistress left him.
The stories are legion of dogs grieving the loss of their humans.
Please be well. And give Adam a gentle scratch under his little chin and tell him Stinky understands.
Mnemosyne
(21,363 posts)dogs more, what a kinder world it would be.
Raster
(20,998 posts)bluedigger
(17,087 posts)And thank you for including us as well.
Mnemosyne
(21,363 posts)zbdent
(35,392 posts)for your dog. It might also help. Might be part of the reason he keeps going into her room.
agracie
(950 posts)grilled onions
(1,957 posts)...in a hospital or rehab setting where pets are not allowed. Take an item(maybe even a Milk-Bone) to the hospital/rehab for the pet owner to hold and give scent to the item and then take it home to the lonely pet.
If a pet spent a lot of time on the bed an old blanket makes a perfect "gift" for the grieving pet. They will remember that loved human for a long time.
Helen Reddy
(998 posts)just lovely.
Iwillnevergiveup
(9,298 posts)There seems to be a great deal of two-way comforting going around in your household. Grandma sounds like a wonderful person and undoubtedly knew she was leaving Adam in good hands. Which she was. Shout-out to the director, too...what an understanding heart.
peace13
(11,076 posts)I send you love and energy. Your story is very touching.
Yesterday our 20 year old cat died and we were torn as to what to do about hs 4 year old 'brother'. We ended up letting the youngster in to see his brother. He sniffed and looked and seemed to understand. He came back for another pass and then went and laid down. I think he will heal much faster for this. I know your dogger will do the same. An extra smile for Grandma was special for looking after her friend. These are the finer things of life!
RKP5637
(67,112 posts)mckara
(1,708 posts)who is 85 years old and currently sick in the hospital. Quique misses her every minute that she is away and wakes up in the middle of the night to mournfully howl for his missing mother. I have never seen a more emotional animal in my life and I have become more keenly aware of all mammals who feel the joys, pains and sorrows of living as we do. Our oneness with the world and all living things should guide us throughout our lives and motivate us to cherish our roles as stewards of the planet and our world. We should love and appreciate our furry friends and remember that their lives are as equally precious as ours.
pacalo
(24,721 posts)I'm sorry for your loss, jtuck, & am really touched by Adam's love for Grandma. We had a Dalmation in the early 90's that had a strong attachment to me. My husband likened it to the song "Ain't No Sunshine When She's Gone"; our dog literally grieved whenever I left the house without him.
I like the idea of letting Adam use one of Grandma's articles of clothing to use as a blanket.
You sound like a wonderful, understanding person. My best to you & your family -- & give Adam a hug from me.
calimary
(81,501 posts)Thank you for posting about this. Our animals are WUNNNNNNderful.
SheilaT
(23,156 posts)Our canine and feline friends are absolutely amazing. I'm a cat person myself, not all that fond of dogs, but I totally get it about the companionship aspect. They are totally wonderful, and help make us more completely human.
question everything
(47,536 posts)how precious their bond was.
virgdem
(2,127 posts)what a beautiful and heartfelt story of love and devotion. You did the right thing by letting Adam get closure with the loss of his human. May your Grandma rest in peace.
BadGimp
(4,019 posts)Very sorry for your loss...
Auntie Bush
(17,528 posts)my Mom, and son died. (both lived with us and loved our animals.) I always wondered what they thought when they just disappeared from our lives.
CrispyQ
(36,525 posts)Why do so many people think that because animals don't rationalize, that they don't have emotions? Of course they do!
My sympathies on your loss & special scratches for Adam.
Auntie Bush
(17,528 posts)Hatchling
(2,323 posts)My cat Salem lost his best buddy Wally (yrs ago), then his sister Squeaky(3 yrs ago), and then his second best buddy Mooch(1 yr ago). Each time he went through a grieving process that was saddening to see. Each time it was a case of having to take his friend to the vet for a illness for which there was no cure and I had to put one of my babies down.
Currently his last buddy has a paw injury (which is not life threatening) and he is in a panic. He won't leave her side except to eat or come to crawl in my lap (which he rarely does) because he is worried that he might lose her as well.
Don't try to tell me that animals don't have the same emotions we do. I won't buy it.
eridani
(51,907 posts)--who came with a poet who was to stay with a friend of mine to teach for a semester. Daisy was always on top of Rusty, riding around while awake, and sleeping too--unless they decided to play chase up and down the stairs. When Daisy and her poet went back home, Rusty was just inconsolable, walking around the house, sniffing at all the spots, and no kitty.
kas125
(2,472 posts)Dad died at the end of October, at home. The dogs knew. One of them was very sad, all he did the day dad died was lie in his kennel looking sad. That night I put one of the blankets from dad's bed in there and he seemed to like having it there, but he still acted very sad; for a few weeks he just wasn't himself.
It's been a few months now and he seemed to be back to his old, playful self again but a couple nights ago I found a dvd that said it was from my nephew's high school graduation party almost 20 years ago. I wanted to remind myself how cute my kids were back when they were little, so I put the disc into my computer. The first part of the disc was the video my dad had taken and he was doing his goofy version of narrating, talking about everything he was filming. That poor dog went absolutely nuts trying to find where dad's voice was coming from; I had to take the disc out and I still haven't watched it. So, now the poor dog has been acting sad all over again for the last two days. It's heartbreaking when they are sad and we can't help them get over it...
Phentex
(16,334 posts)I try to remember the joy but it's very hard when you think about how confused the dog must be.
jtuck004
(15,882 posts)My wife especially. She read through all the comments and appreciated them more than you can know. It's can be very hard to lose the one parent that raised you, the one you could count on to be there through all your life, as those of us who have been through this know. But at least I can try and figure out when it is getting overwhelming and make us take a break from it all.
Adam seems to be doing fine, and there is a lot of extra holding and hugging going on. Probably will be for awhile. And, of course, Evie (Chi/Pom), Lacey (Jindo mix), Charlie (English Setter), Shelby (Anatolian Shepherd) , and especially Boudreaux-Boudreaux, or "Buddy" (the Shar-pei terrier mix everyone thinks is a pit bull) all point out that cooked up turkey bacon should help her tremendously, especially when it is shared with them.
Btw, I have a messenger bag, olive drab, kinda plain, took all the books out and put Adam in there for the visit. In case anyone might have something similar in mind. Nice hiding place, especially if you hold a treat inside to keep them occupied while someone else clears the way.
Again, thank you.
DainBramaged
(39,191 posts)I am SO SO SORRY for your loss, I lost my Mom of 92 a couple of years ago. But your story warmed my heart. I am sure her spirit is near him now comforting him.
ALL my best
DB