AUTUMN/JOKES

[Crewleader]

AUTUMN FACTOIDS

You Just Thought You Knew Everything:

A dime has 118 ridges around the edge.

A cat has 32 muscles in each ear.

A crocodile cannot stick out its tongue.

A dragonfly has a life span of 24 hours.

A goldfish has a memory span of three seconds.

A "jiffy" is an actual unit of time for 1/100th of a second.

A shark is the only fish that can blink with both eyes.

A snail can sleep for three years.

Al Capone's business card said he was a used furniture dealer.

All 50 states are listed across the top of the Lincoln Memorial on the back of the $5 bill.

Almonds are a member of the peach family.

Babies are born without kneecaps. They don't appear until the child reaches 2 to 6 years of age.

Butterflies taste with their feet

"Dreamt" is the only English word that ends in the letters "mt".

February 1865 is the only month in recorded history not to have a Full moon.

In the last 4,000 years, no new animals have been domesticated.

If the population of China walked past you, in single file, the line would never end because of the rate of reproduction.

If you are an average American, in your whole life, you will spend an average of 6 months waiting at red lights.

It's impossible to sneeze with your eyes open.

Leonardo Da Vinci invented the scissors.

Maine is the only state whose name is just one syllable.

No word in the English language rhymes with month, orange, silver, or purple.

On a Canadian two dollar bill, the flag flying over the Parliament Building is an American flag.

Our eyes are always the same size from birth, but our nose and ears never stop growing.

Peanuts are one of the ingredients of dynamite.

Rubber bands last longer when refrigerated.

The average person's left hand does 56% of the typing.

The Bible does not say there were three wise men; it only says there were three gifts.

The cruise liner, QE2, moves only six inches for each gallon of diesel that it burns.

The microwave was invented after a researcher walked by a radar tube and a chocolate bar melted in his pocket.

The sentence: "The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog" uses every letter of the alphabet.

The winter of 1932 was so cold that Niagara Falls froze completely solid.

The words 'racecar,' 'kayak' and 'level' are the same whether they are read left to right or right to left (palindromes).

There are 293 ways to make change for a dollar.

There are more chickens than people in the world.

There are only four words in the English language which end in "dous": tremendous, horrendous, stupendous, and hazardous.

There are two words in the English language that have all five vowels In order: "abstemious" and "facetious."

There's no Betty Rubble in the Flintstones Chewables Vitamins.

Tigers have striped skin, not just striped fur.

TYPEWRITER is the longest word that can be made using the letters only on one row of the keyboard.

Winston Churchill was born in a ladies' room during a dance.

Women blink nearly twice as much as men.

Your stomach has to produce a new layer of mucus every two weeks; Otherwise it will digest itself.

AFTER TAXES

A little boy wanted a $100 badly and prayed for weeks, but nothing happened .

Then he decided to write God a letter requesting the $100.

When the postal authorities received the letter to God , USA , they decided to send it to the President.

The president was so amused that he instructed his secretary to send the little boy a $5 bill.

The president thought this would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy.

The little boy was delighted with the $5 bill and sat down to write a thank-you note to God, which read:

Dear God: Thank you very much for sending the money. However, I noticed that for some reason you sent it through Washington, DC., and those buttholes deducted $95 in taxes.








White Mountains in Autumn, New Hampshire

[Crewleader]

1. and more

Last edited Mon Sep 29, 2014, 01:37 PM - Edit history (2)

Ever wondered where a driver is from? Wonder no more.

· One hand on wheel, one hand on horn: Chicago

· One hand on wheel, one finger out window: New York

· One hand on wheel, one hand on newspaper, foot solidly on accelerator: Boston

· One hand on wheel, cradling cell phone, brick on accelerator: California. With gun in lap: Riverside

· Both hands on wheel, eyes shut, both feet on brake, quivering in terror: Ohio

· Both hands in air, gesturing, both feet on accelerator, head turned to talk to someone in back seat: Italy

· One hand on latte, one knee on wheel, cradling cell phone, foot on brake, mind on game: Washington (Seattle)

· One hand on wheel, one hand on hunting rifle, alternating between both feet being on the accelerator and both on the brake, throwing a McDonald's bag out the window: Texas (male)

· One hand constantly refocusing the rear view mirror to show different angles of the BIG hair, one hand going between mousse, brush, and rattail to keep the helmet hair going, both feet on the accelerator, poodle steering the car, chrome .38 revolver with mother of pearl inlaid handle in the glove compartment: Texas (female)

· Four wheel drive pickup truck, shotgun mounted in rear window, beer cans on floor, squirrel tails attached to antenna, cousin/spouse in passenger seat: Arkansas

· Two hands gripping wheel, blue hair barely visible above window level, driving 35 on the interstate in the left lane with the right blinker on: Florida.


HUNTING LESSON

A father and son went hunting together for the first time. The father said,"Stay here and be very QUIET. I'll be across the field," An hour later, the father heard a bloodcurdling scream and ran back to his son.

"What's wrong?" the father asked. "I told you to be quiet,"

The son answered, "Look, I was quiet when the snake slithered across my feet. I was quiet when the bear breathed down my neck. I didn't move a muscle when the skunk climbed over my shoulder. I closed my eyes and heldmy breath when the wasp stung me. I didn't cough when I swallowed the gnat.

I didn't cuss or scratch when the poison oak started itching. But when the two chipmunks crawled up my pant legs and said, "Should we eat them here or take them with us"? Well, I guess I just panicked".


PARTING SHOT

Count your blessings instead of your crosses.
Count your gains instead of your losses.

Count your joys instead of your woes.
Count your friends instead of your foes.

Count your smiles instead of your tears.
Count your courage instead of your fears.

Count your full years instead of your lean.
Count your kind deeds instead of your mean.






First Fall Colors, Newfound Gap, North Carolina

[Crewleader]

2. Autumn

Last edited Mon Sep 29, 2014, 01:40 PM - Edit history (1)

Fallen Aspen Leaves, Colorado

[rurallib]

3. stole part of your post for the Lounge

see if we can drive some business here
thanks

[Crewleader]

4. I had to K&R the cartoons and photos

Last edited Mon Oct 13, 2014, 06:07 AM - Edit history (3)

Thanks!





Sugar Maple Trees in Fall Color, Connecticut

[Crewleader]

5. adding another

Last edited Sun Nov 16, 2014, 08:19 AM - Edit history (2)

:

B.C.

[Crewleader]

6. Nitobe Memorial Garden, Vancouver, British Columbia

Last edited Mon Nov 24, 2014, 10:03 AM - Edit history (9)

Maple Tree, Japanese Garden, Portland, Oregon



Autumn Leaves and the Great Wall, China



Point Iroquois Lighthouse, Brimley, Michigan


Pumpkin Farm, Santa Paula, California



A Mix Of Color, Independence Pass, Colorado



Black-Crested Titmouse, Texas



Hyatt Lane, Great Smoky Mountains, Tennessee



Indian Summer, Washington, New Hampshire



Three Owlets in a Barn Window



Spider and the Moon



Maple Leaves in Autumn



West Virginia



Silver Falls State Park, Oregon



Red Maple Leaf, Algonquin Provincial Park, Ontario



Halloween is coming...Trick or Treat!



Gray Wolf and Autumn Maples, Minnesota



Chestnut Ridge Park, Orchard Park, New York



Fall Color in Stowe, Vermont


Jack-O-Lantern in Autumn Leaves



Autumn Reflections, Gryphon Lake, Espanola, Ontario

[Art_from_Ark]

7. It's not really an American flag on a Candian $2 bill

It's actually the old Dominion flag, which looks, due to the lack of detail, to be similar to the American flag-- but there are no parallel stripes on the Dominion flag. The Dominion flag was replaced with the Maple Leaf in 1965.

And only about half of the states' names appear on the US $5 bill.

[Crewleader]

8. OK

Last edited Tue Nov 18, 2014, 10:54 AM - Edit history (9)

Speak the Season: 7 Essential Words of Fall

http://dictionary.reference.com/slideshows/autumnal-words#deciduous













Happy Halloween

[Crewleader]

9. Eric Clapton - Autumn Leaves (with lyrics)

[bigwillq]

10. That is one smart boy!

Great joke!

[Crewleader]

11. Good to laugh and thanks bigwillq

A Florida Fall Scarescrow