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sop

(10,100 posts)
Thu Mar 31, 2022, 08:03 AM Mar 2022

Grammar walks into a bar...

- The past, present, and future walked into a bar. It was tense.

- A verb walks into a bar, sees a beautiful noun, and suggests they conjugate. The noun declines.

- A bar was walked into by the passive voice.

- A malapropism walks into a bar, looking for all intensive purposes like a wolf in cheap clothing, muttering epitaphs and casting dispersions on his magnificent other, who takes him for granite.

- An oxymoron walked into a bar, and the silence was deafening.

- Hyperbole totally rips into this insane bar and absolutely destroys everything.

- A question mark walks into a bar?

- A non sequitur walks into a bar. In a strong wind, even turkeys can fly.

- A mixed metaphor walks into a bar, seeing the handwriting on the wall but hoping to nip it in the bud.

- Three intransitive verbs walk into a bar. They sit. They converse. They depart.

- A synonym strolls into a tavern.

- At the end of the day, a cliché walks into a bar -- fresh as a daisy, cute as a button, and sharp as a tack.

- A figure of speech literally walks into a bar and ends up getting figuratively hammered.

- An allusion walks into a bar, despite the fact that alcohol is its Achilles heel.

- The subjunctive would have walked into a bar, had it only known.

- A misplaced modifier walks into a bar owned by a man with a glass eye named Ralph.

- A simile walks into a bar, as parched as a desert.

- A gerund and an infinitive walk into a bar, drinking to forget.

29 replies = new reply since forum marked as read
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Grammar walks into a bar... (Original Post) sop Mar 2022 OP
I love those misplaced modifiers. Ilsa Mar 2022 #1
Helvetica and Comic Sans walk into a bar Clash City Rocker Mar 2022 #2
You're just a font of knowledge. keithbvadu2 Mar 2022 #17
Big hand, please, for sop! Fritz Walter Mar 2022 #3
Usage walks in to a bar... Probatim Mar 2022 #4
I used to be a grammar Nazi until I realised I was just being anti-semantic. sop Mar 2022 #10
What we really need is a grammar Eisenhower. keithbvadu2 Mar 2022 #18
Great list, thanks! TheRickles Mar 2022 #5
Started my day with a smile. Thank you. niyad Mar 2022 #6
A hyperbole and an idiom walked into a bar. All hell broke loose. Beastly Boy Mar 2022 #7
A homonym was barred from entering Shermann Mar 2022 #8
A piece of string walks into a bar ... chwaliszewski Mar 2022 #9
fresh as a daisy, cute as a button, and sharp as a tack House of Roberts Mar 2022 #11
It's a good thing they don't ask us which end of the tack. keithbvadu2 Mar 2022 #20
I know this joke isn't grammar related but still funny, nonetheless. Enjoy. chwaliszewski Mar 2022 #12
Grammar walks into a bar. Grampar was still parking the ca unblock Mar 2022 #13
"All intensive purposes?" DFW Mar 2022 #14
Right! "All intensive puposes" is a malapropism. Mister Ed Mar 2022 #15
I see it included in supposedly "serious" texts all the time. DFW Mar 2022 #23
Don't miss church this Easter Sunday.. Permanut Mar 2022 #16
That's one way to increase lagging attendance n/t DFW Mar 2022 #24
An alliteration blindly bicycled by both bars. notKeith Mar 2022 #19
Cognitive dissonance walked into a bar to get that glass of water. notKeith Mar 2022 #21
Dunning-Kruger burst into the bar, loudly announcing his savoir faire to the ladies. notKeith Mar 2022 #22
Your choice of baked goods probably depends DFW Mar 2022 #25
Thanks for posting. n/t TeamProg Mar 2022 #26
A paraprosdokian walked into a bar, man did that hurt! TeamProg Mar 2022 #27
I heard one today, on The Visionary Activist Show... AnotherDreamWeaver Mar 2022 #28
This message was self-deleted by its author jfz9580m Apr 2022 #29

sop

(10,100 posts)
10. I used to be a grammar Nazi until I realised I was just being anti-semantic.
Thu Mar 31, 2022, 09:40 AM
Mar 2022

Sorry, couldn't resist.

TheRickles

(2,047 posts)
5. Great list, thanks!
Thu Mar 31, 2022, 09:24 AM
Mar 2022

A few more linguistically-oriented examples from the "walked into a bar" genre:

• A German tourist goes into a bar and orders a martini. "Dry?", asks the bartender. "No, just the one”, replies the German.

• A Roman centurion walks into a bar and orders a martinus. The bartender says, "Don't you mean a martini?"
The centurion answers, "If I wanted a double, I would have ordered it.”

• A woman walks into a bar and asks for a double entendre, so the bartender gives her one.

chwaliszewski

(1,514 posts)
9. A piece of string walks into a bar ...
Thu Mar 31, 2022, 09:33 AM
Mar 2022

and tries to order a beer. The bartender tells him "Hey, we don't serve your kind in here." so he leaves the bar and approaches a woman using a hairbrush. He asks her to use her brush to tatter the top of his head, which she does. He then asks her to loop him on himself in a particular fashion, a sheepshank, if you will. He then heads back to the bar and again attempts to order a beer. The bartender confronts him by asking, "Aren't you that piece string I just kicked out of here 5 minutes ago?". The string replies, "I'm a frayed knot!".

House of Roberts

(5,162 posts)
11. fresh as a daisy, cute as a button, and sharp as a tack
Thu Mar 31, 2022, 09:41 AM
Mar 2022

I knew a girl like that, but her name wasn't Cliché, it was Alice.

chwaliszewski

(1,514 posts)
12. I know this joke isn't grammar related but still funny, nonetheless. Enjoy.
Thu Mar 31, 2022, 09:50 AM
Mar 2022

In 1986, Mkele Mbembe was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from Northwestern University. On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant standing with one leg raised in the air. The elephant seemed distressed, so Mbembe approached it very carefully.

He got down on one knee, inspected the elephant's foot and found a large piece of wood deeply embedded in it. As carefully and as gently as he could, Mbembe worked the wood out with his hunting knife, after which the elephant gingerly put down its foot.

The elephant turned to face the man, and with a rather curious look on its face, stared at him for several tense
moments. Mbembe stood frozen, thinking of nothing else but being trampled. Eventually the elephant trumpeted loudly, turned, and walked away. Mbembe never forgot that elephant or the events of that day.

Twenty years later, Mbembe was walking through the Chicago Zoo with his teenaged son. As they approached the elephant
enclosure, one of the creatures turned and walked over to where Mbembe and his son Tapu were standing. The large bull elephant stared at Mbembe, lifted its front foot off the ground, then put it down. The elephant did that several times, then
trumpeted loudly, all the while staring at the man.

Remembering the encounter in 1986, Mbembe couldn't help wondering if this was the same elephant. Mbembe summoned up his courage, climbed over the railing and made his way into the enclosure. He walked right up to the elephant and stared back in wonder. The elephant trumpeted again, wrapped its trunk around one of Mbembe's legs and slammed him against the railing, killing him instantly.





Probably wasn't the same elephant.

DFW

(54,277 posts)
14. "All intensive purposes?"
Thu Mar 31, 2022, 10:02 AM
Mar 2022

That is Republicanese

In English, we say, “to all intents and purposes.”

DFW

(54,277 posts)
23. I see it included in supposedly "serious" texts all the time.
Thu Mar 31, 2022, 11:19 AM
Mar 2022

Of course, I guess that depends on how you define “serious.”

Permanut

(5,558 posts)
16. Don't miss church this Easter Sunday..
Thu Mar 31, 2022, 10:47 AM
Mar 2022

the ladies of the church are going to lay eggs on the altar.

- From an actual church bulletin.

TeamProg

(6,025 posts)
27. A paraprosdokian walked into a bar, man did that hurt!
Thu Mar 31, 2022, 01:05 PM
Mar 2022

(I just made that up!)

A paraprosdokian is a figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence, phrase, or larger discourse is surprising or unexpected in a way that causes the reader or listener to reframe or reinterpret the first part. It is frequently used for humorous or dramatic effect, sometimes producing an anticlimax. For this reason, it is extremely popular among comedians and satirists such as Emo Philips and Groucho Marx.

AnotherDreamWeaver

(2,849 posts)
28. I heard one today, on The Visionary Activist Show...
Thu Mar 31, 2022, 10:48 PM
Mar 2022

"I drink to your death, may you be buried in a casket made from a 100 year old oak, grown from an acorn I plant today."

Response to sop (Original post)

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