Burying Your Dead Without Religion

[cbayer]

http://www.theatlantic.com/national/archive/2014/08/burying-your-dead-without-religion/378711/

The proportion of Americans who don't identify with a specific faith is growing. What does this mean for the future of funeral rites?

EMMA GREEN
AUG 19 2014, 1:42 PM ET

?nakg44
A sketch of a skull by Leonardo da Vinci, circa 1510 ( Jakub Krechowicz/Shutterstock )

If you're interested, there's a tattoo parlor on the island of Oahu in Hawaii where an artist named Dodge may be able to give you a tattoo that incorporates a dead body—literally. “You simply take the cremains, or the ashes, and you mix them in with the ink, and then you ink that onto the person," explained Candi Cann, a professor at Baylor University and the author of Virtual Afterlives: Grieving the Dead in the Twenty-First Century, which came out in June.

"It’s really not that different from wearing a piece of jewelry that your grandma gave you: You’re not wearing the piece of jewelry—you’re wearing your grandma.”

For most of human history, religious ceremony has helped people deal with death, providing explanations about souls and the afterlife along with rituals to help the living deal with their grief. Not all religions do death the same way. "There are certain denominations within Christianity and certain religions in general that do a better job of remembering the dead," said Cann. "Like the Catholics: There’s a very set calendar for remembering, and it’s still tied down to the religious calendar."

Tattooing yourself with a dead person's remains is one new way of memorializing death in the absence of faith, she said. "As society becomes more secular, and people are more and more turning to that 'spiritual but not religious category,' they’re forming their own do-it-yourself ways of remembering the dead."

more at link

[TreasonousBastard]

1. I can't think of a good reason not to do that, but...

I just find it a bit gruesome myself. Is that really the best way to remember Aunt Sally? Or your husband blown up in Iraq?

And I can't help thinking of a few horror plots where the dead come back through those tats.

[cbayer]

2. It wouldn't appeal to me, but I know quite a few people who have remembrance tattoos

why might consider this as a very good thing.

The part that I found the oddest was putting the body into some kind of setting, like sitting at the table smoking a cigarette.

[TreasonousBastard]

3. That's a little wierd, but I do remember...

a few old-time Irish wakes where the coffin was the center of all, and actually the bar and serving table. Sitting the dear departed at the table wouldn't be too far removed. Most people, I imagine, would be freaked out by it, but it might become popular in some circles as the preservation technology improves. A permanent place in the TV room for Grandma and Grandpa? The Hollywood Walk of Stars with the actual star?

I vaguely remember some island where they craft incredibly elaborate coffins and dance at the funerals. Don't some do this sort of thing in Louisiana, too? I always thought funerals were too somber and two-stepping down the street was the way to go.

The belief in, or hope of, and afterlife drives a lot of this. As we become more secular and give up on an afterlife, our funeral rituals will change.

Quakers, who are not convinced of an afterlife, have a very simple funeral service to bury the corpse, but later on have an elaborate (as elaborate as Quakers get, anyway) Memorial Meeting and feast to celebrate the life of the deceased.

[cbayer]

4. I've been to a couple of those as well.

Open caskets don't really bother me, but having a party around one is a bit different.

I guess I think a dead person ought to look, well, dead.

Funerals in Louisiana can be raucous occasions. They often include brass bands and street parades, but the deceased does not generally attend, lol.

I agree with the author that it is the ritual and tradition that is important in helping the survivors deal with their grief. And there is the afterlife part, but that always seems secondary to me.

During the AIDS crisis, there were generally celebrations after the funeral. The grief was so dense and so intense, that people had to do something to keep from being overtaken by depression.

[TreasonousBastard]

5. Dealing with grief is the primary thing...

and the belief in an afterlife helps deal with it-- makes death not so final.

I'm not sure how many actually believe, but if and when we "officially" decide there is no heaven or hell, I wonder how that will affect our view of death.

[cbayer]

6. It is comforting to think that someone is not completely gone,

whatever that might mean.

So many people report experiences involving recently deceased friends and family. The skeptic in me thinks this is just their wish fulfillment, but I would never think to challenge them.

Personally, I don't think there will ever be an official decision on this matter.

[Mnemosyne]

7. Sometimes the corpse became a dance partner at a wake. Not my style, though do have

some Irish blood. Heard on a PBS?, BBC?, show back in 1993 that spoke of it.

I want to be a fireworks display.

[TexasProgresive]

8. Tim Finnegan's wake

Killed by whiskey and revived by the same.

One morning Tim got rather full,
his head felt heavy which made him shake
Fell from a ladder and he broke his skull,
and they carried him home his corpse to wake
Rolled him up in a nice clean sheet,
and laid him out upon the bed
A bottle of whiskey at his feet
and a barrel of porter at his head
http://celtic-lyrics.com/lyrics/196.html

[TexasProgresive]

9. A bit macabre perhaps, but as a Catholic

It reminds me of preserving relics.

This from a UK site.

A Humanist, non-religious funeral or memorial ceremony will:

1. focus sincerely and affectionately on the person who has died

2. allow friends, relatives and acquaintances to express their feelings and to share their memories

3. have warmth and sincerity: many bereaved people find them helpful and are pleased to have provided a ceremony their loved ones would have wanted

4. celebrate the life of the person who has died by paying tribute to them, to the life they lived, the connections they made and left behind

5. be simply more appropriate for those who have not lived according to religious principles, or accepted religious views of life or death.
https://humanism.org.uk/ceremonies/non-religious-funerals/

[cbayer]

12. Seems very simple and straightforward.

With or without religion, I think this is what many, if not most, people want.

[intaglio]

10. The difficult bit with my mother was arranging a Master of Ceremonies

with the Crematorium.

Mother was quite specific about not wanting a religious remembrance and both the Crematorium and the funeral director wanted someone who could co-ordinate the event given there was going to be a mid-sized attendance. Luckily non-religious remembrance is coming to be more widely accepted in the UK but finding someone to do so was a real pain.

[cbayer]

11. That's surprising. With such a large non-believing population, I would have expected

that there would be many non-religious alternatives.

Is the religious component more tradition than belief?

[intaglio]

13. A lot more tradition

One or two I've talked to are concerned about shocking their religious friends; most just don't plan or, as far as they are concerned, whatever happens post mortem the words said over the body have no relevance at all.

[cbayer]

14. It wouldn't matter to me, but I know that some people feel very strongly about it.

Like your mother, apparently.

I guess churches are set up for these kinds of things and have the procedure pretty well down.

But I would like to see other alternatives readily available.

[AtheistCrusader]

15. When someone I care about dies, my concern isn't about that person.

It's about other people grieving the loss. About being a good custodian, when appropriate, for that person's memory/legacy.

I wouldn't put any of their material, no matter how carbonized, into ink, into my body though. I might get a tattoo ABOUT some individuals I care about very much, but none of their remains are required to accomplish that.