My Decision Whether or Not to Become an Atheist is in God's Hands (Satire)

[cbayer]

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/james-napoli/my-decision-whether-or-no_b_5710195.html

James Napoli
Satirist, author of The Official Dictionary of Sarcasm

Posted: 08/25/2014 2:08 pm EDT Updated: 08/25/2014 6:59 pm EDT



I'm still not sure if I am ready to actually declare myself an atheist, so I guess I am just going to leave it up to God.

I mean, what do you think, big guy, or gal? I need a little guidance, here. Should I stop believing in you? I know, I know, you're bored out of your skull with that tired old trope about why would a loving God allow suffering in the world, but I have to admit it does crop up now and then. Especially when I need an explanation for what I see on the news, and why human beings can't seem to stop hurting each other, or why people on Facebook insist on posting pictures of their dinner entrees.

See, if you came down this instant and told me that you were cool with me being an atheist, then I wouldn't need to have an answer for why things happen at all. They would just happen, and I wouldn't be able to blame it on you, prostrate myself to you or bargain with you, or any of the things that grow naturally out of an emotional investment in your God-forsaken existence. But since you haven't seen fit to become involved in my decision about whether or not to claim you aren't real, I'm back to square one: asking why: why you aren't fighting a little harder when you know one of your pitiful, imperfect subjects is considering dropping your ass?

You haven't seen fit to show me a sign, which is what you have done for a lot of famous religious figures over the years, let's face it. Okay, maybe I'm just a piker who isn't exactly worthy of a burning bush or being asked to sacrifice someone to prove my loyalty, but give me a break, this is a big decision! We're talking atheism here! So, if we are all equal in your eyes, would it kill you to send some sort of clue or miracle down to Earth so I can know how to proceed? Maybe I could be walking around thinking about becoming an atheist and then a lightning bolt could narrowly miss me, or a Bichon Frisé could suddenly start telling my fortune in perfect English, or my parents could inexplicably start understanding who I am as a person.

more at link

[handmade34]

1. ironically

it took going to seminary for me to become an atheist ...fun essay

[cbayer]

2. I had a similar experience when I went to graduate school, but

it didn't have to do with religion.

It's just that I had some very rigid ideas about things that got turned around 180 degrees during my education.

Always keep your mind open!

Glad you liked the essay.