Catholic priest tells children gay sex is 'like cramming a bagel into your ear'

[trotsky]

http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/world-news/catholic-priest-tells-children-gay-6251833

Reverend John Riccardo was speaking at a conference called 'Welcoming and Accompanying Our Brothers and Sisters with Same-Sex Attraction' in Michigan.

The gathering aimed to promote celibacy amongst Catholics with same sex-sex attraction.

The cleric told the attendees how he often explains gay sex to junior high students, the Advocate reports.

He said he tells them: "What if I just rip open a bagel, I take it, and I cram it in my ear. What would you say?”

Granted, I've never had sex with another man; however I'm pretty sure if it's like that, then you're doing it wrong.

[atreides1]

1. So?

Either the priest spends time attempting to cram bagels in his ear or he's stupid!

[Kelvin Mace]

2. If he belives this how gay sex works,

it explains SO much about the Catholic Church.

[trotsky]

3. LOL

Thread winner!

[rug]

13. No, it explains Fr. John Riccardo.

[cleanhippie]

28. As does those that defend the church by deflecting.

See above for examples.

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

4. I think this is what's called "unclear on the concept."

[notadmblnd]

5. Why would anyone be surprised when a Catholic priest makes a ridiculous statement

in regards to sex?

[Goblinmonger]

6. This is all the love for gays we hear about coming from the RCC

As long as you are celibate, then you are fine. But if you want to cram a bagel in your ear, then you are a dirty sinner.

[rug]

14. He's quoting the Catechism right?

Got the paragraph #?

[Humanist_Activist]

90. The Catechism is worse, he just made an extremely stupid and ignorant statement on...

sex between same sex people.

[Warren Stupidity]

91. But if it is not in an official document then the apologists can pretend it doesn't matter

then again if it is in an official document the apologists can insist that it doesn't matter.

[rug]

96. Ah, you concede it's not in the Catechism.

How about Leviticus? That's your go-to book. Surely there's something about bagels in there.

[cleanhippie]

30. That seems to be the take-away. Except to the apologists, which is no surprise at all.

[Warren Stupidity]

43. It seems this has nothing at all to do with official RCC position on homosexuality.

You see the official position is that homosexuals are ok, but that homosexual sex gets you burned in hell, whereas this renegade priest is contending that homosexuals are ok, but that homosexual sex gets you burned in hell.

Now if you are too dull to understand the difference, that is your problem. Mine too. But it is obvious to some people here.

[Warren Stupidity]

7. "promote celibacy amongst Catholics with same sex-sex attraction"

because you know, if you are gay you should not have sex. Ever. Your entire life. Not even once.

What a hateful unloving religion.

[Rebubula]

8. Great....

....now all I want is to cram a bagel in my ear.


Also - soooooo....his intention is to promote celibacy amoungst people with same sex attraction....and they ENFORCE celibacy amoungst Priests....

Coincidence???

[LiberalAndProud]

53. Correction: they enforce the public appearance of clerical celibacy.

What they do in private ... with children ... That's private and the church will work to keep it that way.

[mr blur]

9. "Well I am just a modern guy. . ."

". . . Of course I've had it in the ear before."

- Iggy Pop,
"Lust For Life"

[Person 2713]

27. Great post . You made me laugh big time

Friar Tuck or whatever ihis name is should roll around in broken glass now and stop talking to kids

[Heddi]

41. You're Iggy Pop-ing wrong. THE LYRICS ARE>...

Well I'm just a modern guy,
Of course I've had a bagel shoved in my ear before because I'm a filthy sinner who lives on wonton sex fantasies with, amazingly, bagels, won-tons, and other bread-and-pastry-based-life-forms....
I've got a lust for life...

[rexcat]

54. Ummm...

all I can say is just not the host in the ear. That would be so wrong.

[Heddi]

68. It's transubsusiation

transsubsuation.

Transsubsiation...

it changes. In the mouth.

[Angry Dragon]

10. catholic sex seems to be weird

do they get help from other religions??

[rug]

15. What is "catholic sex"?

[Angry Dragon]

16. cramming a bagel in your ear

and how does he know what gay sex is??

[rug]

17. Maybe there's something in your ear confusing what you heard.

[Angry Dragon]

18. I do not use my ears to read

it does seem that you do

[rug]

19. Well, if all you read is here, that would explain the confusion.

[Angry Dragon]

20. I am not confused

I have had sex with many catholics .............

[rug]

21. Don't blame them.

[Angry Dragon]

22. I blame the catholic church leaders

[rug]

24. For your "weird" sex with Catholics?

[Angry Dragon]

25. I never said I had weird sex with catholics

I said that catholic leaders are polluting the minds of the youth with their weird ideas about sex


What I remember about my sex with catholics was that they seemed to be praying to god most of the time
OH GOD!! OH GOD!! OH GOD!! is what I heard...............

[cleanhippie]

32. Consider the source.

He probably thinks anything but missionary, get in, get done, and get out, is weird sex.

[Heddi]

42. wham bam.

thank you, ma'am
http://www.tubechop.com/watch/6584563

[rug]

51. Thanks for your own contribiution to discussions of sexual practices of DUers.

Not my cup of tea though. But don't let me stop you.

[rug]

49. Is there a reason you're reluctant to direct your personall remarks to your target?

Other than the obvious?

[Heddi]

69. My granddad was catholic

and he said on sunday mornings he prayed to Saint Mattrass

St. Mattrass. Mattress.

funny guy

[Warren Stupidity]

44. For the win.

[rug]

52. You have an extremely low bar, warren.

[rug]

48. Let's see . . . .

You said:
"catholic sex seems to be weird"

When questioned, you said:
"I am not confused
I have had sex with many catholics ............."

Ergo . . . .

[Angry Dragon]

83. I converted them

[Warren Stupidity]

84. A twofer.

You've now won this thread twice. Well played.

[rug]

86. Your bar keeps dropping.

[Angry Dragon]

98. Thank You

[rug]

85. To what?

[Angry Dragon]

99. sane beings

[rug]

105. The experience may have had the opposite effect.

[Angry Dragon]

110. I do not think you were there unless you go around looking in windows

and the experience released their soul from the burden of false faith

[rug]

111. At least they actually had a release.

[Angry Dragon]

112. I always make sure my partners get a release and a big smile on their face

I am sorry you can not say the same thing about your partners

[rug]

113. Of course you do. Unfailingly. Every time.

Are you sure they were smiling and not laughing?

We were talking about your partners since you brought it up.

Do you know any of my partners or are you assuming without evidence?

[Angry Dragon]

114. as I told you before I am sure

[rug]

115. Evidence?

[Angry Dragon]

116. I believe

that is all the evidence one needs to state things as fact

[rug]

117. You're confusing faith with sex.

[Angry Dragon]

118. No

[rug]

121. Yes

[Warren Stupidity]

106. You've pulled a Lucy.

[beam me up scottie]

76. DING DING DING!

catholic leaders are polluting the minds of the youth with their weird ideas about sex

[Starboard Tack]

78. Or any sex, for that matter.

[SummerSnow]

101. maybe that what it feels like to him ?

he must have experienced it before. just saying

[Angry Dragon]

103. a good saying

[Kelvin Mace]

36. According to the cleric in the OP

it appears to involve "cramming a bagel" in your ear.

[rug]

47. You shold read it again. He said the opposite.

You, of course, are free to do it or not.

[Lordquinton]

11. Aural sex is what the kids are into these days

I dunno about the bagel part tho...

[trotsky]

23. As long as they don't use a condom it should be OK with the church, right? n/t

[Lordquinton]

31. I wonder what this priest thinks about Q-tips

[Kelvin Mace]

37. Well, that's a relief

because I had no idea how the Hell I was going to get a condom on a bagel and whether or not the cream cheese would make a good lube.

[Doctor_J]

58. Or the morning after pill

[cleanhippie]

33. Lol. At first, I thought your post said that sex with kids is what the preists are into these days.

And that wouldn't be far from the truth.

[Lordquinton]

34. I can understand the confusion

Personally I don't want any priest talking to kids about sex, talk about the fox guarding the hen house.

[cleanhippie]

35. I'd prefer they not talk to kids at all.

Or to quote from aliens, "best to take off and nuke the site from orbit."

[Doctor_J]

59. Oh, heavans no. That's a thing of the past

[Xipe Totec]

12. Spoken like a celibate with zero real-world experience. nt

[Eleanors38]

26. B.S. Been doing this for years. Has nothing to do with ANY sex.

[TlalocW]

29. As long as it's not an Everything Bagel...

http://www.theonion.com/article/modern-day-caligula-orders-everything-bagel-34822

TlalocW

[HFRN]

38. 'Is that a bagel in your ear'

'or are you just happy to see me?'

[Ron Obvious]

39. I first read that as "cramming a bagel into your car"

But of course, ear makes so much more sense.

[Heddi]

40. He is doing gay sex wrong

I've had lots of gay sex (with women) and have seen lots of men having gay sex (with men) and I've never seen anything close to a bagel in the ear. ...

A ___type of food___ in the ___body part___, but never a bagel in the ear....

[Warren Stupidity]

63. maybe it was a bagel in the rear?

But still, bagels are either too stiff or not stiff enough. It just doesn't seem to be possible.

[Heddi]

66. "ah said Yer ear, not yer rear!!!"

punchline to a joke.

[Doctor_J]

64. Maybe he's doing the sex right, and the bagel-cramming wrong

[Heddi]

67. I wonder...

could you use a bagel as a cock ring?

Not YOU you, but generic you....

[Warren Stupidity]

45. Not just any bagel.

It has to be a bagel with a smear. And not toasted either. In fact for best results you want a buttered bagel with a smear. But you have to be in New York to get one of those.

[Heddi]

71. What about a Bagel Bite

Pizza in the morning
Pizza in the evening
Pizza at supper-time
When pizza's on a bagel,
you can eat pizza anytime
from any hole
anywhere
unless it's a man hole or an ear
then you'll go to hell

[rexcat]

50. What a waste of a bagel...

Putting a bagel in one's ear doesn't sound very appropriate or sexually satisfying unless you have an ear/bagel fetish then by all means go for it. That begs the question, what is this priest up to when he is having sex?

[Heddi]

70. How the fuck big is that guy's ears?

I mean...even Bagel Bites....they're pretty large.

I can say that I've seen lots of holes--above and below the waist (I'm a nurse, part of my job). If anyone has any orifice that is large enough for a bagel--bite or otherwise---they should see a medical professional ASAP

[rexcat]

73. I was a clinical microbiologist...

back in the day and saw all kinds of things that came out of human "holes" but not worth going into detail.

[Heddi]

74. I saw lots of things

that went into holes and had to be surgically removed. My education when I worked in the ER: don't put anything up your butt that is home made, that doesn't have a flange on the end, or that doesn't have a handle. Oh, and cockrings should only be made of silicone, leather, or other easily-removable things. no titanium, please (yes, saw that). No industrial nuts that would be used on things like timber forklifts (yep, saw that too). Don't put anything glass inside of you (saw that many times).

[rexcat]

88. I saw bbq tongs...

unfortunately the guy perforated his colon. He did survive the surgery and the peritonitis. I saw a lot of stuff in the ER! One of the advantages of working in a small community hospital.

[Warren Stupidity]

94. why. would. any. one. do. that. ?

[rexcat]

97. Nothing surprises me anymore...

the incident happened at a party.

[Doctor_J]

55. Well, I've only done one of those

So, gay DUers. How do the two compare?

[Doctor_J]

56. Also, I assume he's taking about M/M.

F/F would be more like cramming your ear in a bagel.

[Doctor_J]

57. Finally, how the hell would this guy know?

[Warren Stupidity]

62. I assume he's done both.

[Doctor_J]

65. He is sort of implying that. Unless

he's watched gay sex, and watched people cram bagels in their ears, and from that can tell they're the same.

[NanceGreggs]

60. And for many priests ...

... gay sex is "like cramming your penis into the mouth or rectum of a frightened, traumatized altar boy".

I don't apologize for my bluntness on the topic. The Catholic Church lost all credibility on the subject of "gay sex" when they turned a blind eye not only to man-on-boy sex between priests and male children, but to the pedophilia that was part-and-parcel of the events that went on, and were deliberately covered-up for centuries.

You can't take the "high road" when it comes to homosexuality when your own "anointed by God" priests have been indulging in it throughout history, with each other and with CHILDREN.

I could say "Jesus wept" - but there are few in the Catholic hierarchy who would be familiar with the reference.

[Warren Stupidity]

61. well yes there is that.

But really there is no "high road" concerning consensual sexual behavior between adults. It is nobody's business. There is no road, no moral issue over which to be either high or low.

I expect your post will be alerted on by the perpetually offended. Hopefully it will survive a jury.

[NanceGreggs]

72. Agreed. Consensual sex between adults ...

... requires no "high Road" or "low road", nor any road at all.

Non-consensual sex between priests and children, however, is worth ridicule - especially when priests discuss it.

As for the perpetually offended - fuck 'em. And if that gets me a "hide", I really couldn't care less.

[AtheistCrusader]

75. Well, I'm not gay but

I do know my way around a penis, and I can think of about a dozen more productive uses for that bagel. M/M anyway.

F/F I'd pick something else from the bakery.

[beam me up scottie]

77. 'Welcoming and Accompanying Our Brothers and Sisters with Same-Sex Attraction'

If you're "welcoming" lgbt people by telling kids they're perverts ur doin it wrong.

We get it, RCC, only Catholic approved sex is moral and healthy, check out this list:

Questions and Answers on Catholic Marital Sexual Ethics

1. What determines the morality of an act?
2. What determines the morality of a sexual act?
3. Which types of sexual acts are moral between a husband and wife?
4. Which types of acts are moral for a husband and wife to use as foreplay?
5. Is the missionary position the only moral sexual position?
6. If the husband or wife is not fertile, due to injury, illness, or old age, is the act of natural marital relations still moral?
7. May a married couple engage in natural intercourse during the wife's pregnancy, or during her period?
8. Are divorced Catholics permitted to receive holy Communion?
9. Why is the use of contraception always gravely immoral?
10. May a married couple use barrier contraceptives to prevent disease transmission?
11. May a married woman use contraceptives for a medical purpose?
12. Must a spouse refrain from sexual relations with a contracepting spouse?
13. How is natural family planning (NFP) different from artificial birth control (ABC)?
14. Is passionate kissing only moral within marriage?

...

2. What determines the morality of a sexual act?

A sexual act is any deliberate use of the genital sexual faculty.

Sexual acts are not exempt from the moral law. To be moral, each and every knowingly chosen sexual act must have three good fonts of morality. The intention must be good, the moral object must be good, and the good consequences must outweigh any bad consequences.

In order to have a good moral object, each and every sexual act must be marital and unitive and procreative. Each and every moral sexual act always has these three meanings: marital, unitive, procreative. The deprivation of any one or more of these meanings from the moral object causes the sexual act to be intrinsically evil and always gravely immoral.

The natural sexual act is genital-to-genital intercourse between a man and a woman. This act is unitive and procreative. Natural sexual intercourse between a husband and wife is called natural marital relations. Only natural marital relations is martial and unitive and procreative.

The use of contraception deprives the act of natural intercourse of the procreative meaning, causing the sexual act to be non-procreative. The use of contraception is intrinsically evil and always gravely immoral because it deprives sexual relations of its procreative meaning, which is required by God for sexual acts to be moral. Therefore, natural marital relations must always be open to life (not contracepted).

A non-marital sexual act is any type of sexual act outside of marriage. Acts of adultery, pre-marital sex, and masturbation are non-marital. All non-marital sexual acts are intrinsically evil and always gravely immoral because these acts lack the marital meaning, which is required by God for sexual acts to be moral.

An unnatural sexual act is any type of sexual act that is not unitive and procreative. Examples of unnatural sexual acts include oral sexual acts, anal sexual acts, and manipulative sexual acts (i.e. masturbation of self or of another). All unnatural sexual acts are intrinsically evil and always gravely immoral because these acts lack the unitive and procreative meanings, which are required by God for sexual acts to be moral. These acts are not procreative because they are not the type of act that is inherently directed at procreation. These acts are not truly unitive, even if there is a certain mere physical union of body parts, because this is not the type of sexual union intended by God for human persons. Unnatural sexual acts are not justified by being done within marriage because the moral law requires each and every sexual act to be not only marital, but also unitive and procreative.

To be moral, each and every sexual act must be marital and unitive and procreative. All non-marital sexual acts, all non-unitive sexual acts, and all non-procreative sexual acts are intrinsically evil and always gravely immoral. All such acts have an evil moral object, and so they are not justified by intention, or by circumstances, or by other acts.

Seems to me the wrinkled virgins who obsess like this are the real perverts.

Those of us actually having sex care more about being responsible to our partners and enjoying ourselves.

[mr blur]

79. After reading that, my "genital sexual faculty" hurts.

I suppose that's the intention.

[beam me up scottie]

80. If you're having fun with your genitals you're doing something evil.

[mr blur]

81. Yes, especially if it involves underage innocents.

Oh, wait...

[beam me up scottie]

82. Well there's evil and then there's Evil.

People having consensual sex not approved by the RCC is immoral according to the RCC.

Priests molesting children and the RCC not only covering it up but moving them to another parish so they can continue to prey on them is a whole other level of immorality.

They even made a policy specifically to ensure that they wouldn't get caught:

Crimen Sollicitationis: An interpretation

Father Tom Doyle is a canon lawyer. He had a diplomatic career with the Vatican but was sacked after he criticised the church's handling of child abuse. He gives this interpretation of Crimen Sollicitationis in the Panorama film.

Crimen solicitationis is indicative of a worldwide policy of absolute secrecy and control of all cases of sexual abuse by the clergy.

But what you really have here is an explicit written policy to cover up cases of child sexual abuse by the clergy to punish those who would call attention to these crimes by the churchmen.

You've got a written policy that says that the Vatican will control these situations and you also have I think clear written evidence of the fact that all they are concerned about is containing and controlling the problem.

Nowhere in any of these documents does it say anything about helping the victims.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/programmes/panorama/5392338.stm

[Lyric]

92. What if you're having fun with someone else's genitals?

Can we find a loophole here?

[Warren Stupidity]

95. possesion is 9/10 of the law.

[Lordquinton]

87. In 5-10 years all across internet

Porn sites you'll see nuns with bagels in their ears pop up.

[Warren Stupidity]

89. It is already a category on pornhub.

I have no idea how I know that.

[Lordquinton]

93. Well I'll be...

Guess the pastor has been doing some, ah, research.

[AtheistCrusader]

100. Rule 34.

[drm604]

102. What?

None of you are into bagel ear sex?

[tularetom]

104. I have to admit that post made me curious

So this morning, before my wife got up, I crammed a bagel into my ear. It was an "everything" bagel.

I don't think I'll be trying gay sex in the foreseeable future.

But my ear boogers look really weird.

[Warren Stupidity]

119. You have to follow directions!

You need a buttered bagel with a smear. And no, not an everything bagel. WTF were you thinking?

[tularetom]

120. Thinking? I was consumed with lust!

[Mike Nelson]

107. Why doesn't he try an English muffin?

...Catholic Priests are not experts on any kind of sex.

[Warren Stupidity]

108. There is an obvious comeback to your last point.

left as an exercise for the reader.

[Politicalboi]

109. Should this pedophile, I mean priest even

Be near children?