Suggestion for a new book in the New Testament

[MineralMan]

I'm sending a request to the Vatican, which appears to be the be-all and end-all of canonical matters. It will request that a new book be added to the New Testament containing all the phrases and statement people have written and then assigned to God as the origin of those statements.

There are enough of those pithy statements to fill a new book easily and they're very popular.

What do you thinks? What things are quoted as being from God that aren't really? And which ones would be good to add to this new book of scripture, do you think?

A good one is: "God wants you to be happy."

Lots of people, too, have incorrectly pretended that some clever statement came from God. That seems to border on some terrible offense to me, but you see it all the time.

[Sneederbunk]

1. Let us know the response and of course show us a copy of your letter.

[PJMcK]

2. "Lamb" by Christopher Moore

You very well might enjoy this book, MineralMan.

God has decided that his message has become bastardized so he resurrects Jesus's best friend so he can write the Gospel According to Biff. It's main focus is what happened to Jesus during the twenty-something years between his preaching at the temple to his becoming a religious leader. Biff tells the story.

Here's an excerpt from the first chapter:

The first time I saw the man who would save the world he was sitting near the central well in Nazareth with a lizard hanging out of his mouth. Just the tail end and the hind legs were visible on the outside; the head and forelegs were halfway down the hatch. He was six, like me, and his beard had not come in fully, so he didn’t look much like the pictures you’ve seen of him. His eyes were like dark honey, and they smiled at me out of a mop of blue-black curls that framed his face. There was a light older than Moses in those eyes.

“Unclean! Unclean!” I screamed, pointing at the boy, so my mother would see that I knew the law, but she ignored me, as did all the other mothers who were filling their jars at the well.

The boy took the lizard from his mouth and handed it to his younger brother, who sat beside him in the sand. The younger boy played with the lizard for a while, teasing it until it reared its little head as if to bite, then he picked up a rock and mashed the creatures head. Bewildered, he pushed the dead lizard around in the sand, and once assured that it wasn’t going anywhere on its own, he picked it up and handed it back to his older brother.

Into his mouth went the lizard, and before I could accuse, out it came again, squirming and alive and ready to bite once again. He handed it back to his younger brother, who smote it mightily with the rock, starting or ending the whole process again.

I watched the lizard die three more times before I said, “I want to do that too.”

The Savior removed the lizard from his mouth and said, “Which part?”

NOTE: Although this excerpt exceeds DemocraticUnderground's 4-paragraph rule, it is clearly available on the author's website:

https://www.chrismoore.com/books/lamb/excerpt/

[MineralMan]

3. Sounds delightful!

[ExciteBike66]

4. Might as well call the book the Book of Morgan

and include everything Morgan Freeman has ever said.