Christian’s year of living 'gay' leads to dramatic change, sparks controversy

[cbayer]

http://religion.blogs.cnn.com/2012/12/02/christians-year-of-living-gay-leads-to-dramatic-change-sparks-controversy/



December 2nd, 2012
06:45 AM ET
Christian’s year of living 'gay' leads to dramatic change, sparks controversy
By Dan Merica, CNN

Washington (CNN) - Timothy Kurek’s motivation to spend a year pretending to be gay can be boiled down to a simple conviction: it takes drastic change to alter deeply held religious beliefs.

The experiment began after a lesbian friend opened up to Kurek about being excommunicated by her family. All Kurek, an avowed evangelical Christian, could think about, he says, “was trying to convert her.”

He was quickly disgusted by his own feelings, more pious than humane.

In fact, Kurek was so disgusted by his response to his friend that he decided to do something drastic. Living in Nashville, Tennessee, he would pretend to be gay for a year. The experiment began on the first day of 2009; Kurek came out to his family, got a job as a barista at a gay café and enlisted the help of a friend to act as his boyfriend in public.

more at link

[Deep13]

1. It really seems like this guy infiltrated the gay community rather than joining them.

Frankly, if I knew him, I would feel like I could never take his word for anything ever again.

I haven't read the book, but his remarks in the article suggest that he used others to address concerns he had about his own faith etc. It was all about him. It reminds me that socially repressive policies that religious people support inevitably require others to pay the costs of the proponent's faith. People who oppose gay marriage on religious grounds require others to suffer by being denied marriage for the sake of the opponent's religious faith. Same here. He used others, people in the gay community and his family and friends, in order to address his own doubts.

[cbayer]

3. I agree. Something about this makes me really uncomfortable.

[MADem]

2. Hmmmm. Sort of like "Black Like Me" in a way...

I can understand the irritation of some of his friends over the course of his "experiment." No one likes to be a "subject" or be gamed and lied to. Maybe he would have been better off just keeping it real...?

I also have an uneasy feeling about him appointing himself as the "explainer" of All Things Gay to the Bigoted Evangelical Community. I'm sure he means well, I just am a bit put off by the way he went about this little "experiment" -- he had to use a few folks to tell this tale.

Eh, whatever. If he changes a mind or two, that is a good thing.

[cbayer]

5. Yes, there is a similarity, but didn't he go into an area

where no one knew him previously? It's been awhile, but that is my vague recollection.

This is a tough one. While I, like you, see the value of building some bridges, the duplicity here bothers me.

[MADem]

13. Isn't this guy doing the same? Unless he previously frequented the place where he took the job...?

The BLM guy kept moving, on buses and hitchhiking, IIRC, and his "experiment" only lasted for six weeks...and he duped the people he came in contact with, as well, if I am not mistaken.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Black_Like_Me

[cbayer]

14. I think the difference here is that this guy actually duped his family and friends.

Of course, you couldn't do that with a change in skin color.

[MADem]

15. Ah, yes, there IS that! nt

[AlbertCat]

4. Now he can go pretend to be....

.... an atheist!

He can see the prejudice there. Boy will he be surprised at where and who it comes from.... and how it manifests itself.

[msongs]

6. deceitful christian. nt

[pinto]

7. I'd be put off at the deception, regardless of the intent. There are other ways.

It would seem more upfront to simply develop honest friendships with gays in his community. And to be upfront about those friendships with his family. He could have probably gained whatever personal, familial, religious insights he was looking for in a more genuine sense.

His call, though.

[cbayer]

8. Agree. I heard an interview with this man who was raised by two women.

His solution was simple. Invite two couples over for dinner, one straight and one gay. Don't make anyone's sexuality a part of the agenda at all, just have dinner so people can see all the similarities.

It's much harder to hate people you know.

[pinto]

9. Yep. My partner and I had various dinners with straight couples. There was no "statement" agenda.

It was dinner...duh.

In those days I had to do some weekend events. One Sunday I got home and did the usual "How was your day?". He said "I went over to Phil and Martha's house, had some snacks and watched part of the Steelers' game".

The big "issue" ? They were rooting for different teams...he was a big Pittsburgh fan.

[cbayer]

10. And that's exactly the way it should be.

For many, the lack of exposure to gay couples in their day to day lives is one of the biggest problems. When some of our favorite couples come to visit, we initially see people squirm a bit, but it takes very little for that to disappear.

We will get there, just not sure this guy's approach is the best way to do it. But, then again, could he have invited a gay couple to his grandma's house for dinner unless he had *come out*? Maybe not.

[Exen Trik]

11. He meant well, I think

The results are obviously mixed. There is definitely a negative side to it all, with all his interactions before and after being utterly false, and coming out that second time hurt them all. But he did mean to empathize for homosexuals and to come to understand them, and I can't fault him for that. And the initial disgust at his conditioned reaction definitely reflects well on it.

The better thing to have done though, was the immersion without the lie. Go to the gay communities and involve himself, hang out and adapt to their society but be honest about the reasons for doing so. I think they'd have been ok with it. He wouldn't get the response of family to coming out first hand, but all he would need to do is listen to the stories of others.

Maybe that could be a path others will take. I'd like to see it.

[cbayer]

12. Agree with that. Immersion could have been done with less deception.