Ask Richard: Telling My Daughters Their Father Committed Suicide

[rug]

January 14, 2013
By richard wade

I need help so much. My ex husband committed suicide on New Year’s. Our two daughters, age 9 and 12 were told he died. I don’t know how to tell them that he committed suicide. Some people have said not to tell them, but they will find out because everyone is talking about it.

We had been divorced for about three years. He had remarried, and his relationship was pretty good with the girls. He didn’t have a history of any psychological problems or alcohol abuse, but he was drinking the night he took his life.

I am an atheist and I can’t pretend to not be. I am the only one I know of around me. There are no atheist groups in my area, so I feel kind of isolated in that respect. I live in a small town in the Midwest, where everyone else around me believes in god. Even all the counselors we could go to try to bring it up. The free counseling nearby is mostly religious. Financially I am relying on my boyfriend right now while I go to school, but I can afford some therapy.

I am beside myself with the grief that I don’t know how to comfort my children with this. I have people saying I should tell them that their dad is with god and he’s ok now. I don’t know what to do.

http://www.patheos.com/blogs/friendlyatheist/2013/01/14/ask-richard-telling-my-daughters-their-father-committed-suicide/

http://www.seculartherapy.org/

[dimbear]

1. That's a thoughtful answer at the link, but children can be very cruel, so a wise thing to do

would be to immunize your kids against the inevitable gossip that runs "Your father is burning in hell."

They should hear from the surviving parent that that is a fable.

[Downwinder]

2. Would Hospice be able to make a referral in a case like this?

[cleanhippie]

3. How sad. For her girls and for her.

To not only have to deal with the "you need some god in your life to help you with that" crowd, but the additional burden of having to tell and comfort her children, is not anything I would wish on anyone. I hope she finds the help she needs and deserves.