I outed my son

[mzteris]

should I tell him?

He's 15 and doesn't seem to care that others get freaked out when they realize through the course of conversation that he's not a "buhliever" - but I was talking to his coaches about a camp yesterday. One of them says, there's one that would be really good for him (his sports development). The guy used to be a baptist minister so he makes them read scripture and say prayers, too.

Well, THAT won't work, I said.

It's a REALLY good camp, he'd learn a lot.

Nope, I don't think he'd want to go there or if anyone would be happy for long if he did. We're atheists and he wouldn't quietly "participate". They'd probably wind up sending him home.

When I said atheist - the coaches just "looked" at each other and then me like I'd sprouted horns.

Oh. Uh. Well, there are some other camps. We'll check into some other ones.

Anyway - don't know whether to tell my son. I don't think he'd cared that they know, he's just a very private person and doesn't go around telling anybody much of anything about himself.

[LostOne4Ever]

1. I think you should tell him (nt)

[Promethean]

2. Tell him

and make sure to provide the full context of how and why, like you just did here. Kids are smart and capable of understanding.

[Curmudgeoness]

3. Yes, you should tell him.

He may get treated differently, and he should be aware of why....instead of wondering what the hell he did.

In the "too late now" category, you probably should not have outed him. You could have said that YOU were an atheist and did not want your son to participate in forced prayer and scripture reading. Then let your son know that you said that, and he was free to handle it however he chose (since I would not be surprised if someone decided that he needed saved).

[Bryce Butler]

4. I would tell him.

Also tell him your conversation with the coach(es)

[Iggo]

5. Well, it happened, so he needs to know.

[Warpy]

6. Better warn him

because things are going to be different and he needs to know why.

If he knows they were trying to push him into a Baptist programming camp he will forgive you.

I just hope things won't be too difficult for him now. Religious people can be real shitheads.

[mzteris]

7. Thanks everyone.

You're right.

I think I was hoping it wouldn't matter, that they would treat him the same . . . And they should, but . . .

just in case he should know, cause, you know, just in case.

[progressoid]

8. Yeah, it's best to know since sometimes Christians can be kind of vindictive.

Crazy, I know, but it does happen.

Also, I kind of laughed at your OP. Not about the outing but the vision of the coaches reaction make me snicker.

[mr blur]

9. I'd tell him. You know the coaches will just blame you anyway,

for "turning" him away from the truth blah blah...

[Goblinmonger]

10. Just a thought FWIW

My son is an atheist. Not really "out" about it but doesn't necessarily hide it. He has attended a camp in his sport twice that is coached by brothers that are Olympic gold medalists in the sport. They are very religious. He texted me during his first stay at the camp that it was "really Jesusy." But he went back. And he learned a great deal. He just kind of dismissed the religious stuff. He wasn't an ass about it, but just made it through.

[mzteris]

11. Thanks.

They just made it soulnd like a hellfire and brimstone type of old fashioned church-i-fying, as we used to sayngrowing up. I had a very southern upbringing. The fact they said this guy "made them say their prayers" bothered me.

He's been to church with his friend when he's been at their house -the dad made them all go. he knew it going in. He found it interesting (in an anthropological sort of way) but then it just got boring after a few trips to the same church. So basically he never stays over on a Saturday night anymore.

If if we're "the camp" he'd deal with it, I think. As a mom, I worry about what other people might do or say, though. He wouldn't be rude, just wouldn't hide his -beliefs- or lack thereof, whichever way you want to put it. And others might not be so kindly disposed.

So, if there is another just as good without that, it would be preferable.

I realized have a much bigger problem . . . I have to find a camp that can feed him! He's a vegetarian -though we had to add seafood not too far back. (Dr recommended, protein, less carbs of meat analogues as he's insulin resistant, etc.). Not sure how many wrestling or football camps have that as a meal option.

[Goblinmonger]

12. Don't even get me started on vegetarian.

The amount of flack we had to go through when he was young and how he can't be a vegetarian because he wouldn't get any muscle mass. He's a senior in HS now and wrestles 195 (pure muscle). Got 2nd at state last year and has placed nationally in folkstyle and Greco several times. So we don't hear that argument much.

The "Jesusy" camp he went to was smaller and they very nicely made accommodations for his dietary needs. It isn't always easy but he isn't usually very picky. Often he needs to go out of his way to find some protein at a local store but it hasn't been a problem. The looks on the faces of college coaches if they found out he was vegetarian were just frustrating. I mean, you're looking at the kid--you know he has incredible muscle mass. It's OK if he doesn't eat meat.

[mzteris]

13. Congrats to your son

Thats great! Wrestling is a tough sport. I never knew how much. I never heard of folk style, and while I remember hearing Greco, don't know what that is either. But 2nd in state, wow.

Mine is just getting started. He's a freshman and in heavyweight class. A tough way to start as you probably know. Not a bad record for a freshman, especially for his class. Funny, we think he's "big" until we get to these meets and their 4 to 6 inches taller, and have work to "make weight" down to 285! They're mostly jrs and seniors and usually outweigh him a good deal. He's at the lower end, but creeping up to just over 240. His coaches say he wrestles like a "much smaller guy" because of the way he moves. He's very quick (he's also a dancer.) when he wrestles nearer his weight he usually wins. it's those really big ones, that the problem, once they're on top, there's no wriggling out.

He, too, has lots of muscle mass and coaches can't believe hes vegetarian (or mostly now. the doc tried to get him to eat chicken, but he said he couldnt do it.) My brother used to really give me hard time when the boys were younger, "they'll never grow up to be big and strong" he shut up saying that a few years ago whe my son started football.

The other son just "picks up girls all the time". No, seriously. He's a ballet dancer.(he love saying that to people. .) He has long and lean muscles, and obviously strong. Those girls aren't the dainty little things they used to be. Ha.

[Heather MC]

14. My 12 year old is a quiet Atheist too.

I asked him he told his girl friend he was an Atheist.
He said, I don't think she is ready for that conversation

Ha ha

[mzteris]

15. We just talked about

how he had "limited his choices" in dating material by being an atheist - especially being Black. Not to mention being a vegetarian!

His reply, "I probably wouldn't date a girl who believed any of that anyway, and I know she wouldn't want to date me." I told him that some "religious girls" might see it as a challenge to convert him. He just gave me that look.