Give me the most ridiculous attempt at blending Bible and science--win a prize

[Goblinmonger]

OK, the prize will be my admiration, but still...that's something, right.

This was inspired by: Creation Myth in Genesis is the big bang.

Which brings me to my entry: Jesus was able to escape the tomb because he found a wormhole.

How ridiculous can we make these attempts to say the Bible actually got science right?

[uriel1972]

1. Did you see the Cosmos thread I saw?

Maybe you did.

[uriel1972]

7. Heh I found the "R" thread you are referring to.

I found another instance in a "Cosmos" related thread.

[left-of-center2012]

2. Jesus was able to escape the tomb because he found a wormhole.

Nah ! Scottie beamed Jesus up to the USS Enterprise.

[Vashta Nerada]

3. Noah's Ark held two of every species of every animal on earth because it was bigger on the inside.

Like the TARDIS. And Noah and his sons were able to use it as a transporter to gather up all the animals from Asia, Europe, Africa, South America, Antarctica, and North America before gawd flooded the earth.

[uriel1972]

4. And...

To put them back exactly, exactly where they came from in the first place. This solves all the marsupials in Australia problem.

[Warpy]

5. Any woohead citing quantum states makes my eyes glaze over

as I back slowly away, heading for the closest exit.

[onager]

6. "It's said that science will dehumanize people and turn them into numbers."

"That's false, tragically false.

Look for yourself. This is the concentration camp and crematorium at Auschwitz. This is where people were turned into numbers. Into this pond were flushed the ashes of some four million people. And that was not done by gas.

It was done by arrogance, it was done by dogma, it was done by ignorance. When people believe that they have absolute knowledge, with no test in reality, this is how they behave...

Science is a very human form of knowledge. We are always at the brink of the known; we always feel forward for what is to be hoped. Every judgment in science stands on the edge of error and is personal. Science is a tribute to what we can know although we are fallible...

There is no absolute knowledge. And those who claim it, whether they are scientists or dogmatists, open the door to tragedy.”

Jacob Bronowski (18 January 1908 – 22 August 1974). From his 1973 TV series "The Ascent of Man." Bronowski was a Polish Jew who lost many family members in the Nazi death camps.

On edit: obviously not trying for the prize! But considering the kind of "science" we're talking about, and after reading thru the thread, Bronowski's eloquence seemed to fit. And always remember, whenever science is mentioned, one opinion will always trump every scientific achievement in world history - "EBIL SCIENTISTS INVENTED ATOMIC BOMB!1! SO THERE!"

[uriel1972]

8. Gak...

"What harm is there in letting philosophy or religion giving answers where science so far has none?" to paraphrase a post in that thread.

Screams and bangs head....

Responds politely...

Runs away and vents in A&A

You could ask all the people harmed directly and indirectly by religion for starters. But, I'm guessing the "other" folk don't believe there is any harm in religion. After all it is "people screwing up what religion is supposed to be" or some such pap.

[LostOne4Ever]

9. Balaam was able to talk to the donkey cause he was tripping on some weird shrooms man!

Making shit up ain't that hard

[DetlefK]

10. The god-particle proves that God exists. (Not kidding.)

Saw this first on Twitter or in a Blog or forum-comment or so, but I can't find it. It was something along the lines of: "Hello! How can the atheists say that God doesn't exist, when the God-particle has been found?"

But here are other instances:
http://www.mlive.com/opinion/grand-rapids/index.ssf/2013/10/god_particle_as_disproof_of_a.html
http://uk.answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20120704070720AADFU3W

[TxDemChem]

11. If we can include social science (I know, it's a leap)

A coworker said the killings of babies per Joshua was necessary because as the babies grew older, they would want to take revenge for the killings of their families. When I pointed out the fact that the female virgins were taken by the men, her poor attempt at social science went out the window.

It's a leap, but watching her try to think of justification for infanticide was hilarious.

[uriel1972]

12. I would find it sickening...nt

[TxDemChem]

13. It was. To believe in a text that advocates for infanticide and then

The sheer act of her attempting to justify it changed our friendship.

[Act_of_Reparation]

14. Pontious Pilate washed his hands...

...proof-positive the authors of the New Testament knew about microbes long before germ theory came around.

[Warpy]

15. I love the explanation for the distinct layers of fossilized life

"All the big stuff was heavier, so it sank into the mud first after the Flood."

I love listening to young earthers, they're so unbelievably clueless.

[AtheistCrusader]

16. Thread winner right here.

[Heddi]

18. This isn't *exactly* what you're asking, but my mom thinks the Zombie trend is from Satan

According to my mom, who has never met a conspiracy she didn't believe in whole-heartedly, the new trend in Zombies comes straight from Satan. And the reason is because Jesus is coming soon, and what happens when Jesus comes? The dead rise. What's another name for the risen dead? Zombies. So Satan is putting it into our heads via movies and TV that Zombies are bad and we should kill them. That way, when Jesus comes and the dead (NOT ZOMBIES) rise, all of us left-behinders will KILL the risen dead THINKING they're Zombies. This will then prevent the risen dead (NOT ZOMBIES!!!!!) from actually entering heaven and being with God.

And yes, she said this, and no, she wasn't on any drugs (legal or illegal) at the time.

She told me this after she gave me a review of Abraham Lincoln Vampire Slayer, and thought that the movie made historical and logical sense to use Vampires on the front lines of the civil war battles

[Curmudgeoness]

19. Oh, honey.

The more I hear about your mom, the more I wonder how you are not insane.

Well, I don't know that you aren't, but you seem rational.

[AtheistCrusader]

20. I love that their supposedly omnipotent god is always just somehow so powerles

he can't do shit about that Satan fellow.

[Arugula Latte]

21. "He" can create an entire universe

but countering that little red guy in the hot place? Fuggedaboudit.

[AtheistCrusader]

23. Not only that, but also made satan. And evil. He made evil, not satan.

That's like... the best part.

Created us dumb and innocent. Creates massively evil, devious being. Leaves us alone in a room together. Something bad happens. Blames us, the dumb, innocent human.

That's like telling your two year old that the stove is dangerous, and then leaving your two year old penned in the kitchen with it, and then beating the shit out of the kid when he or she burns their hand on the stove. But more than that, as a supernatural being, you made the stove 'hot' in the first place, when it otherwise didn't need to be capable of burning a hand.

[madmom]

24. How can you kill something that's already dead? n/t

[AlbertCat]

22. I've always enjoyed....

Blacks and asians evolved from apes, but god made white men like it says in the Bible.