When a religious relative passes away - revisiting the church in which I was raised.

[PeaceNikki]

My uncle passed away last weekend. His kids are close to the ages of me and my siblings and we spent a lot of time with his family growing up but have drifted away over our adult years. We were all raised in the WELS (Wisconsin Evangelical Lutheran church) and attended WELS grade schools. My immediate family 'got out' when I was a teenager and we have all settled in a very happy place of being atheists/agnostics with very bad memories of the church and feelings of resent against organized religion as a whole. And we are all flaming liberals.

My uncle came from a family with money and had experienced a great deal of rather massive medical issues over the past 15 years or so. I won't go into the specifics, but he tapped into social safety nets and had the means to ensure he had top-quality health care during this time. For which I am glad. So, when I read his obituary that asked that donations be made to the church, I was really bothered. He had a large network of family and friends and the fact that, given his experiences, he/they chose not to ask to help ensure that others in need receive health care services makes me sad. But it speaks to the vibe of the WELS church in general. They are incredibly selfish and keep all charity within their own small little world. My siblings and I chose to send flowers.

I knew that his passing would mean revisiting this chapter of my past. His funeral was, as expected, at the church. Also as expected, it brought back a lot of bad feelings and solidified my position. I walked into the church to attend the visitation and was on the fence about whether I would stay for the service. There was a receiving line that extended to the entrance. My eyes wandered onto the bulletin board full of announcements and chick tracts type materials. One jumped out at me. It was titled "Liberalism: Its Cause and Cure : The Poisoning of American Christianity and the Antidote".

Sigh.

Yeah, it was advertising a book written by a Lutheran pastor. It discusses the evil poisoning of "liberalism, evolution, the charismatic heresy and feminism" on American society. I didn't get a chance to discover what he thinks is "the cure".

I offered hugs and condolences to my family and did not stay for the service. I don't want to be part of that world any more. They think we are the enemy, poison that needs an antidote.

sigh.

Thanks for listening.

[trotsky]

1. WELS? My condolences for the loss of your uncle, and sympathies for being raised in that church.

I have never been back to the church that I attended as a child, but I have been back to my parents' church a number of times - primarily weddings (my own wedding was in fact held there) and funerals (including my mom's). Both churches are ELCA and so don't have as many horrid features as WELS but still enough to make me uncomfortable. (We're talking small towns, so while they are ELCA they are definitely conservative.)

You did well and showed remarkable tolerance and restraint.

[PeaceNikki]

4. Yeah... WELS whose famous daughter is Michelle Bachmann.

The misogyny is what pushed my family off the edge. My parents didn't want their two girls raised in that environment a minute longer. I've learned that Martin Luther was an antisematic misogynistic pig.

Thanks, I'm glad to be away from that cult.

[onager]

7. Anybody else see the 2003 movie about Martin Luther?

A complete whitewash, and no wonder - Lutherans financed it (see below). Their money bought a top cast, including Joseph Fiennes in the title role and Alfred Molina.

But there's absolutely no mention of the anti-Semitism or jaw-dropping misogyny. The movie skips the last couple decades of Luther's life completely.

There is one thought-provoking scene. Luther walks thru a German village destroyed in the religious wars. He steps over the corpses of men, women and children, and looks at the still-burning Catholic church. The expression on his face says: "Well, I didn't mean for THIS to happen!"

About that financing, from IMdB:

Co-produced by 'Thrivent Financial for Lutherans', an American company affiliated with Lutheran church organizations, primarily the two largest national U.S. Lutheran Church organizations (The Evangelical Lutheran Church in America and The Lutheran Church - Missouri Synod). Thrivent is a component of the "Fortune 500," the 500 largest companies headquartered in the United States, but it is the only not-for-profit organization/company which is a component of the Fortune 500 because it is a members only company, serving the congregants of Lutheran churches in the U.S., operating much like a members only credit union or mutual (meaning owned by its members) insurance company.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0309820/?ref_=fn_al_tt_2

[PeaceNikki]

8. I sure haven't and can think of at least 59,645,987 better things to do with my time.

[TreasonousBastard]

2. Condolences. I grew up in a Missouri Synod Lutheran church and...

heard that the Wisconsin Synod was even worse.

The doctrinal stuff is bad enough, but the cheapskate charity thing I never did understand.

[PeaceNikki]

5. They aren't cheap, they give generously... to themselves.

They're evangelicals so the only time they go outside is to pull more in.

[TreasonousBastard]

9. You're right-- poor choice of words on my part...

but we share the problem with churches that think too highly of themselves.

I doubt Jesus was the son of god, but from the looks of it he was a liberal, something too many churches forget. And for some reason, as an agnostic I now have a better appreciation of the Sermon on the Mount.

[PeaceNikki]

10. I hear you. I, too, believe that as a liberal my values are much more in line with Jesus than many C

Christians.

[onager]

3. Sorry you had to deal with that.

It's hard enough when a loved one dies. Even harder when your memories have to share space with reminders of what the believers really think about us.

Someone with a little empathy might have considered that funeral services attract all kinds of people paying their respects - believers in Off-Brand Religions and even non-believers. They might have removed the Chick-type stuff temporarily.

But no, I can imagine the thinking - "It might do them some good to see this! They might even join us!"

I recognize the mind-set because I grew up in the Deep South, where it's pervasive. Planning my Xmas trip now to visit my elderly mother, and bracing myself for dealing with the Evangelical kinfolks. Soon as they walk thru the door, I'm probably going to hear a rant about how "they won't let us pray in schools." That's what usually happens.

OTOH, I know absolutely nothing about Wisconsin Evangelical Lutherans, so I really appreciate posts like yours.

The preacher's line about "charismatic heresy" cracked me up. The Charismatics have the successful TV shows, the mega-churches and the political clout these days, so naturally the old mainstream congregations hate them. Hey, is "envy" still considered one of the the seven deadly sins...?

[PeaceNikki]

6. Thanks. They are evangelicals and laser focused on pulling others in.

They are quite adamant about not fraternizing outside of their small little sect. Growing up I was taught that it was sinful to worship/attend church with friends families when they weren't WELS. Like even Missouri Synod or ELCA Lutherans.

Yeah, the whole pamphlet would have cracked me up had I not really understood the depths of their disgust for liberals.

Awful.

[Curmudgeoness]

11. That must have been really hard for you.

Condolences to you and your family on the loss of your uncle. I do not know anything about the WELS, but it sounds like you were lucky to have gotten away from that. They sound hateful. I am rather amazed at how many "Christian" religious groups are so hateful. You really would expect that to be the minority, since Jesus preached so much tolerance and love. Not the case.

[Warpy]

12. You're a lot more polite than I am

At this time in my life, I can see myself jumping up and yelling "ARE YOU CRAZY?" at the priest in the crazy Irish Catholic churches I grew up in.

I was extremely lucky in my choice of parents. Not only were they both unbelievers by the time they died (after 5 decades of sniping at me for being an unbeliever), they also opted for cremation with no fuss at all.

I know the WELS is almost as closed in on itself as the LDS is and ridiculously right wing. However, I had a coworker who got sucked into one of the local wingnut megachurches and one Sunday after an especially grueling night shift, she just went to a WELS church because it was closer. She said it felt like coming home, no screaming fire and brimstone, just a quiet service surrounded by nice people. So they're not the worst out there and I doubt she ever went back to the megachurch.

Conservatives always pride themselves on greater contributions to "charity." Unfortunately, those contributions are usually tithes to a church and very little actually gets to people in need, the preacher doesn't usually qualify. We need to start calling them out on that.

[progressoid]

13. I get that feeling every time I go back to my home town.

Although my parent's church isn't that conservative or even very political but my home town certainly is. I have been in my parent's church quite a few times in the last few years. It's pretty milquetoast really. But hanging around with other people in town is teeth gritting. Steve King/Joni Ernst is well loved there.

Sorry about your uncle.

[Silent3]

14. In a more just world that announcement would cause immediate loss of tax exempt status.

In an even more just world than that, there wouldn't be any special tax exempt status to begin with.

I feel for you. I've had to put up with a couple of religious services at funerals in the past few years myself. At least there wasn't the political crap, and the tone was about as friendly as it could be while nicely telling us how we're all doomed unless we accept Jesus.

[enki23]

15. Was LCMS, another wretched hive.

Go to one for funerals once in a while. Every time I'm glad to see most people within are well on the way to dying, along with the mouldering skeletons of the churches that finally get mothballed when too many of the tithing almost-corpses have finally gotten the true religion.

[Iggo]

16. I been back to old St Paul Of The Cross...

...a few times for funerals in the decades after the kicked me out at the ripe old age of 8.

It was big and scary back then. Now it's just sad and small.

[Hassin Bin Sober]

17. I just lost my brother and had to sit through a very Catholic mass at both the church and the...

... visitation.

As sad as I was I almost laughed at the sight of rosary beads in my brother's hands. As if.

I much prefer a celebration of life over a celebration of Jesus and all his mumbo jumbo. I was expecting it in the church but the service at the funeral home bordered on offensive. The priest sounded like the priest in the the Godfather baptism scene "Michael, do you renounce satan?"

The priest was disinterested and going through the script.

[PeaceNikki]

18. Ugh. I am so sorry about your brother, HBS. Peace and comfort to your family.

Full Catholic masses are the pits.

I agree. I understand how religion can be comforting to believers, but it's absolutely alienating for those of us who are not. I also think celebrating a loved one's life is the way to handle it.