Doggie bad; cowgirl bad; B&D bad; masturbation bad; missionary good

[RussBLib]

Another insane Christian preacher, this one from Nigeria (they really are WACKED over there) has talked to God and says God revealed the good and bad sexual positions, some of which will land you in hell!!! So I guess you could be a really, really good Christian, but if you have sex with your wife on top, it's all over!!! You're going to hell!!!

This junk is so common it's almost pointless to post it. But I can't help it!!

“One day,” the pastor was visited by the lord who asked him to “save the souls of his children who are on their way to hell and are not aware of it.” During what most of us would call a dream, or a nightmare, but which Oladejo claims is a “revelation,” god visited the sleeping pastor and projected some scenes of sinning and punishment onto a “judgment screen.” Think of the judgement screen as a movie theater screen which shows scenes of hell instead of full length movies. Oh, and which is staffed by angels, instead of ushers.

1.Practicing woman on top (BAD): Number one. Couples who practice the woman on top… I want to repeat this, because this is the warning he gave me….When you are with your wife, the lord has made man to be the head. Not the woman. So those men who enjoy their wife coming on top of them in the matrimonial bed, the lord says they are not coming to heaven at all...

2. Practicing like a dog (BAD): Number two. The lord told me about those who practice like a dog. The lord did not to create you to behave like a dog on your matrimonial bed. Or like a cow. Or like a chicken.”

Inquiring minds want to know (oooh, will an inquiring mind land me in hell too!?!) how do you do it "cattle-style" or "chicken-style"? I'd like to try it! Do Christians know that doin' it doggie-style will send them to hell? So many rules!!

3. Practicing bondage or different ‘styles’ (BAD): “If you are practicing hanging with your wife [bondage], you are inventing different styles… Don’t go and be hanging your wife. Don’t go and be hanging your husband. Do not try different styles: they do sex in different styles that are contrary to god.”

4. Masturbating (BAD): “Those who masturbate. That department [of hell] is for them. Those who give lustful pleasure to the flesh. Women who masturbate. Men who masturbate… The demons will come to them.” And while the masturbator “soul will cry,” the demons “will be laughing. And they will be happy.”

5. Having the man lie on top of the woman (OK): “The man should lie on top of the woman. The natural style, the one way god has given us as man and wife.”

I only wish this video had gone viral before Valentine’s Day. It probably could have saved a lot of married Christian couples from eternal damnation and demonic private parts-hacking.

there is a video of this fool at this link, if you dare or care.

[mountain grammy]

1. The sad truth is, this African preacher and many others,

got their ideas from Christian missionaries, many of whom are Americans. The Christian right has made Africa the target for "Jesus plus nothing," with the goal of establishing theocratic governments. While early missionaries might have had a genuine desire to improve lives, and often did, the intrusion into African society has become about something much more.

https://powersthatbeat.wordpress.com/2012/02/03/jesus-plus-nothing-undercover-among-americas-secret-theocrats-by-jeff-sharlet-harpers-magazine/

[Newest Reality]

2. Take a basic drive of the body

and add projected abstractions of shame and evil to connected behaviors. Then devise future rewards and punishments to that overlay as if offering a solution to a problem that did not exist prior to the revelation. Be sure to insist that the idea has a foundation in a higher order abstraction and attribute ultimate power to it.

That's a good formula for controlling people who are not aware of how that process works.

That can be modified for use in media, politics, etc.

[onager]

3. Islamic variations...

1. Married couples should not be naked during intercourse

This one blew up while I was living in Egypt. "Ask An Imam" shows are very popular in the Middle East (and on the internet - just Google the term.)

These shows/sites let the believer get an instant fatwa on just about any subject. So somebody asked if the Koran had anything to say about married couples being naked during intercourse.

Boy Howdy, did it ever. According to Rashad Hassan Khalil, "being completely naked during the act of coitus annuls the marriage".

That got an instant disagreement from Souad Saleh, one of the few female professors of Sharia law in the world. I remember when another Ask-An-Imam gave the same answer. Saleh called into his show and told him he was "crazy."

http://gulfnews.com/news/region/egypt/rift-among-scholars-over-nudity-among-married-couples-1.220886

2. Good news - unmarried men and women CAN work together!

If the woman "suckles" her male co-worker at least 5 times, they become family members and can work together. Yes, "suckle" means exactly what you think it does.

The reaction to this one was a real hoot. The Ask-An-Imam's phone lines burned up with smart-asses offering to family-bond with their female co-workers:

Many Egyptians naturally protested this decree—hadith or no hadith—though no one could really demonstrate how it was un-Islamic; for the fatwa conformed to the strictures of Islamic jurisprudence. Still, due to the protests—not many Egyptian women were eager to “breastfeed” their male coworkers—the fatwa receded, and that was that.

But the subject has been harder to kill than a zombie vampire, and keeps popping up:

http://www.meforum.org/3211/islamic-adult-breastfeeding-fatwas

3. Even better news - no Viagra needed in Paradise!

Abu Umama narrated: "The Messenger of God said, 'Everyone that God admits into paradise will be married to 72 wives; two of them are houris and seventy of his inheritance of the [female] dwellers of hell. All of them will have libidinous sex organs and he will have an ever-erect penis.' " - Sunan Ibn Maja, Zuhd (Book of Abstinence) 39

http://wikiislam.net/wiki/Qur'an,_Hadith_and_Scholars:Sexuality

4. Finally, a fascinating theological discussion about oral/anal sex in the Koran, from an Ask-The-Imam website:

http://www.askimam.org/public/question_detail/17678

[PeaceNikki]

6. Fuck! That literally gave me the willies.

I shuddered while reading that.

WHAT THE FUCK!?!?

[Warren Stupidity]

8. Some orthodox jews also forbid matrimonial nakedness.

[FiveGoodMen]

4. When I think of how many idiots will listen to this kind of shit

I really wish the human race would go extinct.

Yes, really.

[truebrit71]

5. Further proof that religion poisons everything...

...

[PeaceNikki]

7. Like a... chicken??

:/

[AlbertCat]

10. Like a... chicken??

&spfreload=10

[AlbertCat]

9. Oh fer Christ sake!

As Robin Williams once quipped:

"Oh just leave some sperm in a petri dish by the door and I'll get it later!"

[Lordquinton]

11. How would you do it like a chicken,

If you have no cloaca?

[DetlefK]

15. The woman lies face-down and the man stands on her buttocks...

[LiberalAndProud]

12. One fortunate thing about atheism is that I never believe my nightmares

are revelations of a divine variety. Am I wrong to think those who believe this madman's delusions deserve the guilt they'll inevitably feel?

[olddots]

13. there is a joke here somewhere

What name do we mutter during sex ?

[LostOne4Ever]

14. Damn it

[font style="font-family:'Georgia','Baskerville Old Face','Helvetica',fantasy;" size=4 color=teal]Each one he listed as bad had me thinking:[/font]
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