so, my ex got married this weekend.

[mopinko]

the whole thing is kinda surreal. he is def a very different person.
it bummed me a bit because i am alone and very lonely. but what got me was the pics of my kids together.
esp son who came in from utah, to mich. he doesnt talk to me. i havent seen him in 5 years. i barely recognized him. they were so awesome in the pics, hugging each other, sibling love extraordinaire.
they still all have good relations w him.
since they never did as kids, he didnt give a shit, and i did all the emotional work, well, it just sucks.

and this part is truly petty on my part, but do any other divorcees get jealous of widows/widowers? my sister lost her hubs several months ago, very suddenly. the family rallied around her, and did a lot for her.
the situations are very different, but sometimes i feel like saying- hey, over here, i lost my husband and my kids too.
but i got money, so i must be fine. the fact that we started an urban farm together, and he bailed, and i am trying to make it go on my own w bad health and no partner, yeah, but i got plenty of money.

she, and several sibs, saw the pics on fb, and didnt bother to check in w me.

just ranting. i'll be fine in a few days. but it was a low point in a 5 year slog. i dont think about anniversaries or any of that. but this was a little too in my face.

[my2sense]

1. It suck but

it shows you who your real allies are.

Keep moving forward. Some people in life are only there for a season (spouses, friends, family, etc.).

[dweller]

2. hang in there

[blm]

3. ((mo))

.

[Marie Marie]

4. No words for you - just this...

[vercetti2021]

5. It'll be ok

Maybe you'll find someone else one day that will love you to death

We're here for you

[MontanaMama]

6. I'm just sorry.

I’d be pissed and really sad too. I have a good friend who divorced her husband because he was a lying, cheating psychopath. She left him to save her sanity, her self esteem among many things. He was/is a raging alcoholic and we often talked about how much easier it would be if his luck just ran out one day and she were widowed rather than to go through what she has for years and will for years to come until their child is raised. I know it sounds like an awful thing to wish for. Even though most of their friends and family support her divorce, that support comes with strings that just wouldn’t be there if the guy just dropped dead. Hard to say but really true. I get it, mopinko. At least I think I do. This must have been a tough week.

[More_Cowbell]

7. I'm so sorry

The worst thing is the kids. People say that kids will eventually figure out who was really there for them, but it doesn't seem like that happened with yours (or at least with some of yours).

I hope you continue to make a go of the urban farm (or if it was his dream and not yours, maybe you should let it go) and I hope you'll find some peace.

[JayhawkSD]

8. I'm going to offer this, and I hope it comes across the way I mean it.

Because I don't want to imply you are doing anything wrong or are a bad person in any way.

In my program of recovery I have found that most of the negativity in my life occurs when I am too focused on myself and on my own "needs" or fears. Part of my daily work of meditation is a set of disciplines which keep me "out of myself," which is to say, keeps my mind focused on the mindset that I am not the center of the universe. I do not spend the day examining how I am feeling, which I call "taking my emotional temperature," but rather focused on what I might find to do, big or small and mostly small these days, to enrich the lives of others.

There was a phrase in one of my readings that said "This is the point at which we begin to turn outward from self, toward God and toward others." That resonated with me and I use part of it in meditation, "outward from self and toward others." It feels very liberating to me, and makes my mood lighter.

Part of the result of that is that I don't tend to focus on how others treat me, or even notice what they do or don't do to or for me, except to appreciate them when they do something nice. I know that sounds sort of "rose colored glasses," but I can assure you that after 35 years of practicing it, it works.

As a small example, I was in a grocery store when the checkout lines were long. They opened a new line and there was a melee to get to the new line. A couple of middle aged women shoved past this one guy, maybe my age (75), literally banging his basket and physically shoving him aside to get in front of him. I wound up right behind him and noticed that he looked a bit upset. Not really angry, but agitated. I moved close to him and said quietly, "For what it's worth, it's my experience that people who do that kind of thing are not happy people. I'd rather be me than them." He smiled and agreed, and as we stood in line I was watching a different person. He was relaxed and chatted cheerfully with the checkout person. Made my day.

[HitlerwouldvoteGOP]

9. Reminds me of a Buddhist expression

"Do not let the actions of others destroy your inner peace". Its a principle I live by. For example, obnoxious drivers honking and tailgating me because I'm going the speed limit have no effect on me. Just the opposite. My lack of reaction makes them stop, and its effortless.

Jealousy of the other parent goes against that rule. As a child of divorce, the best thing a parent can do is focus on the child, and eliminate all negative thoughts related to the other parent. That relationship should have no bearing on yours. A child wants to get along with both.

[gopiscrap]

10. welcome to DU