Trump Camp Demands New Debate Rules
In view of last night’s unmitigated disaster, the Trump campaign has issued the following demands in respect of the two remaining presidential debates:
Mr. Trump will have a 20-minute spot for his opening remarks, so that he can take credit for everything anyone in the world has ever done, is doing now, or will do in future.
There will be no questions about facts, nor will facts be discussed in any manner. Having little-to-no knowledge of actual facts has disadvantaged Republicans in every debate for decades, and Mr. Trump is insistent that this bias finally be done away with in the interest of fairness.
Secretary Clinton will not be given any questions. She will only speak when spoken to by Mr. Trump. Mr. Trump believes that a woman should be kept in her place, regardless of what office she brazenly thinks she has a right to run for.
Secretary Clinton will refrain from bringing up her vast experience in political and world affairs. She will limit references to her past activities to the topics of cooking, cleaning and ironing Bill’s shirts.
Mr. Trump’s microphone will be inspected beforehand, to ensure that it isn’t one of those trick mics that make him sound as though he’s a sniffling idiot who says really, really dumb shit.
The live audience will be comprised of ill-informed, uneducated idiots (i.e. Mr. Trump’s “base”), who will be free to applaud any of Mr. Trump’s comments they pretend to understand.
Mr. Trump will be given 15 minutes to respond to any questions, while Secretary Clinton will be limited to 30 seconds. What Mr. Trump has to say is far more important than anything Secretary Clinton has to say. Therefore, time allotted to answer questions will be proportioned according.
When Mr. Trump interrupts Secretary Clinton, she will apologize profusely for any attempts to interrupt his interruptions, and forfeit her 30 seconds to respond to the question she was asked.
Promos for Trump Hotels/Country Clubs will be used as a backdrop throughout the debate. This will allow Mr. Trump to devote his responses to actual issues, instead of having to try to work free ads for his properties into responses to questions about Syria.
Mr. Trump will be asked no questions about the economy, education, foreign affairs, civil rights, the environment, LGBT rights, immigration, international trade, healthcare, the military, disaster response, race relations, employment/job creation, the country’s infrastructure, homeland security, or the Constitution. Questions will be limited to only those topics Mr. Trump is knowledgeable about, (e.g.) how bigly successful he is.
Questions posed that may lead to demonstrating Mr. Trump’s abject stupidity and immaturity will be responded to by Mr. Trump sticking his tongue out at the moderator, and holding his breath until he turns from orange to blue.
Mr. Trump has agreed to the following list of potential moderators: Donald Trump Jr., Ivanka Trump, Tiffany Trump, Eric Trump, Barron Trump. (Melania Trump has been excluded, as Michelle Obama never moderated a debate – therefore, there is no source material available to be plagiarized.)
= new reply since forum marked as read
Don't in the name of all that is holy and good, allow Trump to see your post!
He will immediately claim that he wrote these, and therefore they will be the rules for the two last debates!
I responded to your "Dear Hillary" post that you should be working for Faux News, helping them understand how things should be done (plus the chance to meet really neat executives!).
Perhaps I need to reconsider that suggestion and send you off to head Mr. Trump's campaign - you certainly seem to have a very good insight as to what makes that really yuge, really smart, really orange man tick!
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