The Myth of the Boner Werewolf

[redqueen]

Warning: Explicit text at link.

http://pervocracy.blogspot.com/2012/08/the-myth-of-boner-werewolf.html?m=1

...

There's a pernicious myth out there that the male sex drive is unstoppable and irresistible--that once a man is aroused, he literally cannot control his actions. We tell jokes about "thinking with the other head" and "all the blood went out of his brain" that aren't entirely jokes. We have a cultural narrative in which sexual arousal makes a man into a goddamn werewolf.

And we expect women to tiptoe around this uncontrollable male sexuality. We tell them to watch how they dress, lest they wake the beast. We tell them "some guys can't control themselves"--not won't, but can't. We tell them to be careful what they start, because they'll be expected to finish it. Hell, way too often we outright tell them that they have no right to withdraw consent once sex has started.

...

I wish our culture prized self-control as much as it does virility, and even more, I wish our culture didn't act like they were opposites. Even I can't 100% shake the worry that the story at the top makes Rowdy sound desexualized or submissive, (or super nice and extra feminist, rather than "bare minimum of human decency&quot even though all it describes is him not raping me.

Men aren't rollercoasters. They aren't werewolves. They aren't walking penises. They're people. They make decisions. Let's stop talking about "he couldn't stop himself" and start talking about "he decided not to stop." Men deserve that dignity, and the responsibility that comes with it.

Strongly agree with this piece. The myth that men can't control their behavior where sexuality is concerned must be stopped.

[ismnotwasm]

1. Oh hell yes.

Nothing is more irritating that the modern patriartical version of 'devil made me do it' or 'that's how men are wired'
Bullshiit. Men are grown ass human beings.

[RevStPatrick]

2. While I mostly agree with this...

...I imagine you've probably never had a prostate full of semen and testosterone coursing through your veins.

I remember many years ago, walking down a street with my girlfriend at the time. We walked past a new shop that had just opened called "The Great American Backrub." I commented that all of the world's problems could be solved if there was a shop called "The Great American Handjob." She was totally offended and that single flippant little comment damaged our relationship. No great loss.

However, I still believe it 100%. All of the world's problems. Solved.

Ladies, you need to understand that healthy male members of our species need to empty their seminal vesicles, on average, every other day. It's different for each man, and each man will respond in a different way to NOT emptying his seminal vesicle an average of every other day. In a rational society, which we most certainly do NOT live in, healthy males emptying their seminal vesicles every other day would be something that would be taught, encouraged, and there would be rational systems for making sure the deed gets done.

Since we do not live in a rational society, emptying one's seminal vesicle is accompanied by shame and secrecy, there's religious dogma and a host of other bullshit. And unfortunately, one of the results of NOT emptying one's seminal vesicle on regular basis is clouding of the judgement. Granted, for most men, it does not mean going on a rape rampage. Men who have been taught well are able to control the clouded judgement, and hopefully will take things in hand before it gets too uncomfortable. But the clouded judgement caused by the testosterone coursing through the veins and the discomfort of a full seminal vesicle is a very real thing. Trust me. And yes, there ARE men who were not taught well who become werewolves. Trust me.

And of course, it's not just the men. Women need to take care of business on a regular basis as well. Hence, the term "hysteria." You used to be able to go to a doctor who would administer a treatment of a large, industrial-sized vibrator touching the "lady parts" until the hysteria subsided.

Why can't we do that now? Won't someone please open "The Great American Handjob"? I want to live in a rational society...

[redqueen]

4. Shaming people for masturbating is a problem.

I disagree that encouraging the idea that other people are required for the task is helpful.

We are all capable of taking care of our own desires. Coercion of any person to consent to a sexual act via money or any other means is unnecessary.

And no, those men you speak of do not "become werewolves". As you said, they simply were never taught to behave like human beings.

[seabeyond]

5. gentleman,

you do not recognize the contradiction in your post.

you talk about the all powerful testosterone coursing thru you creating "clouded judgement" while recognizing that women to have to deal with "taking care of business"

sexual need is not gender specific.

[RevStPatrick]

6. There's no contradiction there.

Men's judgement gets clouded.
So does women's.

The OP was about men becoming "werewolves."
Some men do. That's not women's fault.

No contradiction.

[wildflower]

11. "gentleman,"

I see what you did there.

[seabeyond]

12. cause

more than anything

we know

just how fuckin subtle i am



always a for you

[MadrasT]

7. Simple solution. It's called masturbation.

The idea that another human being is required to satisfy routine sexual urges or "needs" is preposterous.

If

the clouded judgement caused by the testosterone coursing through the veins and the discomfort of a full seminal vesicle is a very real thing

and causes such discomfort that one can't think straight, then masturbate and fix it. Problem solved.

I sure as hell don't need to go to a doctor, or require another person, to "take care of business". Neither does anyone else.

[seabeyond]

9. clouded judgement caused by the testosterone coursing through the veins

this is what gets me in contradiction, that i do not convey properly. this sentence. to me, this sentence so glorifies the testosterone that we must all bow to the power of.... yet then, last paragraph, and women have this issue, too.

if testosterone is all that is holy, then, why would women have it too. yet, we know women that have a very high level of libido, matching any of these men with the testosterone coursing thru the veins.

do you see what i am saying. the disconnect in the thinking.

i mean, lets check out vibrator sales.

[RevStPatrick]

10. True, another person is not required.

But it does make it a hell of a lot more pleasant.
And, it's a completely different vibe.

Besides, I don't make the frikkin' rules.
I didn't cause our society to be so fucked up that everybody's judgement seems to be clouded all the damn time. I might be a proud and competent masturbator, but for whatever reason that's not the case with everyone. So don't get mad at me.

And yes, I personally think that "The Great American Handjob" would be an excellent business opportunity. Just like I don't think that masturbation should be anything to be ashamed of, I don't think that having a well-paying job to do the deed for others should be anything to be ashamed of either.

[MadrasT]

16. Masturbation is nothing to be ashamed of.

And I am not "mad".

If the "vibe" is ruined doing it by yourself, I am not sure how *paying* somebody to do it produces the correct "vibe" but whatever. Other people's consensual sex transactions are not my business.

[ismnotwasm]

15. Well there is always what is colloquially

Known as 'the circle jerk' for those special needs.

I think you did miss the point, a bit. Nobody is arguing sexual desire or bodies full of testosterone here, it's the perception of man-as-animal sexuality. Man can control himself--- Hand jobs, masturbation notwithstanding.

As far as women are concerned, I always think of those old takes of young girls fainting when The Beatles hit the stage. I personally think women's sexuality is far more powerful and complex than males, but the same rules apply, we can learn to act humanely and kindly to one another. Just because it's sex, doesn't mean every urge has to be acted on. It also doesn't mean we shouldn't be allowed gratification (such a sterile word, ugh) when an honorable opportunity arises. And there is nothing wrong with self gratification.

No we are not rational about sex, either we think we have too much, or not enough, or not enough of the right kind, to paraphrase another author. We do have a profound state of sexual entitlement for males, which one of the root causes of certain imbalances. There are others.

There is a little more history to the term hysteria than a damn vibrator as well.

I had a psych prof one time who was also a freudian analyst. What he said was that the people who could afford Freud were either wealthy, or royalty. Evidently he found evidence of sexual abuse in some of the young ladies he treated. Since he couldn't 'out' royalty, he came up with nifty other ways to explain certain behavior in young women.

[eridani]

20. Why? We are all walking around with our hands removed?

Why would anyone need anyone else's help to take care of business, quadriplegics excepted?

[Scootaloo]

27. ...Words fail me.

I imagine you've probably never had a prostate full of semen and testosterone coursing through your veins.

[seabeyond]

28. you made me laugh. nt

[RevStPatrick]

30. And this is why the battle of the sexes rages on...

Very few people want to actually listen to anybody else, and try to understand other people's perspectives.
Everybody feels a powerful need to be right.
Oh well, it is what it is.

I thought I would wander into this group and try to put in my 2 cents worth, to see what would happen.
I know what it's like to spend a life inside of a male body, and I thought maybe people here might like a little perspective from a penis-owner.

Now I understand a little more clearly why men avoid this group at all costs.
It's really just not worth it.

Ladies...
I can't particularly say it's been a pleasure.
Have a nice day!

[MadrasT]

31. Baloney.

The world has revolved around the Myth of Male Sexuality for too long, and many men don't like being challenged.

And we are not here to please you; it doesn't matter if you have found your experience here to be "a pleasure" or not.

[seabeyond]

32. it is more like

stroke the male ego, regardless of scientific fact to ensure a gender their comfort in superiority so they are comfortable coming into this forum to tell us how it is not, but we must honor the myth for their feelers.

all kinda odd.

[seabeyond]

3. I wonder why more men aren't just insulted by the whole concept.

and i am going to say it. it think this is where the excessive amount of porn we feed off of is really causing a problem with society. a mere couple decades ago, we as a society had not created mens sexuality as the be all end all of the universe. this is where we are today. and the conditioning of this society almost force men to believe this is all of who he is.

UNTIL....

it no longer works for them then they are outraged.

cant have it both ways.

thanks redqueen.

[MadrasT]

8. It's the biggest bunch of crap I've ever heard.

Masturbate. Problem solved.

[mopinko]

13. i lost my virginity to a werewolf.

he swore he had a letter from his doctor testifying to his excruciating pain.
yes, i was young and stupid.

[seabeyond]

14. he had a letter from his doctor testifying to his excruciating pain.

lmfao.... that is funny, and even in stupid, cute

i had brothers. i knew it would never be the end of the world. lol. never heard that from a guy. wouldnt have flown.

[Hatchling]

17. Oh yes. The blue balls agony.

The boyfriend I gave my virginity to claimed that blue balls could sometimes kill a man. Because I cared for him and didn't want him to die, I succumbed to his awful lie.

I wonder how many uneducated girls (as I was!) still fall prey to this tale? If they have no one to ask (and I didn't either) they will believe someone they should be able to trust.

[mopinko]

18. in fairness

every girl on the block was after this guy. i was pretty sure that he really liked my best friend, but there he was with me. i was right, of course. but....

yeah, what a dope i was, tho.

[seabeyond]

22. wow...

i really had never heard this approach. i would have laughed my ass off. lol.

anyway, that was a long time ago, right? you arent sensitive, are you? cause if so, i can take myself away from the funny of it and place myself in the empathetic place.

i tend toward abrasive sometimes, lol. good and bad in that.

but, interesting story. i am glad you shared. i was unaware.

[MineralMan]

19. That myth has always been incorrect.

Most men can and do control themselves. A few choose not to. We call those men rapists.

Men can stop at any time, and decent men do when asked, no matter what the situation is. If they do not, they are, by definition, not decent men.

[seabeyond]

23. ya know MM...

since this is what i have always experienced in life, i do not know why we pretend otherwise. i would never had expected men to think otherwise, until the net, gave me men that suggested this stuff. sometimes it is better to live in our own, comforting little worlds.

[MineralMan]

25. Yes. Whatever horror we can imagine, there are always

those who think it's just fine. It can be very difficult at times, when presented with people who are fine with terrible things, to remember that they represent a minority, and that most people do not think that way. It's difficult for me, sometimes, too, to believe that there are people who don't understand that "stop" is STOP. That is a very foreign concept to me, but I know there are people who don't get that.

[Iggo]

33. I'm sick of the "we can't help it" bullshit.

[MineralMan]

34. Of course men can "help it."

Without going into any details, I've stopped sexual activity at every stage, including during intercourse, just based on a partner mentioning being a little uncomfortable with where things were going. I didn't find it "impossible to stop" at all. I could "help it," and have "helped it." Complete, voluntary, eager mutual consent has always been my rule. Anything other than that, and I'm not going there.

That started in high school and has continued throughout my life. I can't imagine doing anything else.

[eridani]

21. When I lived in Boston, a group of men who were former abusers gave a workshop--

--on groups of men who currently thought that spousal abuse was acceptable. The "I can't help it--I lost control" excuse is everywhere. A tactic that was useful in exposing this bullshit was to ask the current perps exactly where they hit their partners. "Hit her breasts? You're kidding! I'd never hit a woman there." At that point, the facilitator could come back with "If you can still decide where to hit her, you can decide not to hit her at all." This was often followed by an AHA moment.

[seabeyond]

24. yes. it is an aha. thank you for this. a couple men/boys in my life

here lately we have had conversation on the "i lost it". not with women, but with anger and violence. i know better. i have an explosive temper. and i know, KNOW there is always a point where we decide if we will do something or not. there is not a "lost it" moment. we choose.

[eridani]

29. So do I. Husband, however, was raised in a home with a lot of verbal and occasional

--physical violence. Therefore I tamp down my reactions. Of course if I can limit a blowup, I can choose not to have one at all.

[Scootaloo]

26. I can tell it's time for sleep...

When I read the title and what pops into my head is the famous review of the "three wolf moon" shirt... Guh

Yeah, I've... never understood the reasoning behind this bullshit. I'm a guy, I have a sex drive, and on occasion, situations arise, shall we say. At no point have I ever ever been on the verge of some sort of sexual frenzy. Even while engaged with someone, here is no autopilot, no mindless "needsexneedsexneedsexneedsex!" gibbering going on.

An erection does not strip us of agency or reason, for crying out loud. To me, this reeks of victorianism, when sexuality was kind of relegated to the same space as being a werewolf - it's the underlying theme of "Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde," after all. The author is very right that it needs to be expunged.