Why You Shouldn’t Tell That Random Girl On The Street That She’s Hot

[redqueen]

Ah, spring. What a wonderful time of the year. Flowers are blooming, birds are chirping, terrified college students are graduating, and dudes on the internet are pondering that age-old philosophical question: “But whyyyyy can’t I tell that random girl on the street that she looks hot?”

It seems that men are finally starting to realize that many women do not like street harassment (or, in the parlance of the uninitiated, “unsolicited compliments about a stranger’s appearance”). This is really great and a sign that activists are doing a good job.

However, predictably, I’ve also seen a surge of men desperately trying to find loopholes so that they can still, yes, give women their irrelevant and unasked-for opinion on their appearance. Hence all the “But what if I say it this way? But what if I say it that way? But what if I make it REALLY CLEAR that I’m NOT TRYING TO BE CREEPY? But why can’t I just give a girl a compliment for crying out loud?”

Okay. Before I say what I’m going to say, here are some things I’m NOT saying:

...

http://freethoughtblogs.com/brutereason/2013/05/02/why-you-shouldnt-tell-that-random-girl-on-the-street-that-shes-hot/

This is great.

[LanternWaste]

1. I loved this part which I'm copying and sending to some friends of mine

I loved this part which I'm copying and sending to some friends of mine who use that defensive first line every time...



Usually, it’s a little more along the lines of, “Oh come onnnn, it was just a compliment, why can’t you just say thank you, why can’t I tell a girl she looks good, why’s everybody so over-sensitive these days.”

So it’s not really about making me feel nice, now is it? If this is your response to our opinions and you’re still claiming that you “just want to make a girl feel good about herself,” then this is a serious look-at-your-life-look-at-your-choices moment for you. Because maybe it’s not really about making people feel good. It’s about making yourself feel good, about feeling the power that comes with judging and expressing opinions about a woman’s looks–even if those opinions are positive

[redqueen]

4. That is one of the best parts.

It’s about making yourself feel good, about feeling the power that comes with....

I'd have put the words 'male privilege' after that, myself.

[ismnotwasm]

2. Oooh this;

When you compliment a random woman who doesn’t know you, no matter how nice you are about it, there’s a good chance she’s going to freak out internally because for all she knows, you could be that latter type. And I get that it’s really unfair that women would just assume that about you. I get that it sucks that sometimes, expressing totally reasonable opinions like “hey you’re hot” will make women terrified of you or furious at you. That’s not fair.

But if you’re going to lay the blame for that somewhere, for fuck’s sake, don’t blame the woman. Blame all the guys who have called her a bitch and a cunt for ignoring their advances. Blame all the guys who may have harassed, abused, or assaulted her in the past. Blame all the people who may never do such a thing themselves, but who were quick to blame her and tell her to just get over it. Blame the fact that if she stops and talks to you and then something bad happens, people will blame her for stopping and talking to you.

[redqueen]

5. And this, a little later....

But that’s not our world, and it may never be. Yeah, it sucks that women often take it “the wrong way” when you give them unsolicited compliments. You know what sucks more? Yup, patriarchy.

Yup, patriarchy.


I love that she has those quotes around "the wrong way". Perfect.

[kestrel91316]

3. Excellent!!

[redqueen]

6. It *really* is.

I'm gonna read the one she linked at the bottom now.

[arcane1]

16. That link at the bottom was a really good one too!

[geek tragedy]

7. It's amazing how these gentlemen compliment distributors

feel it unwise to grace a woman with such verbal gifts when she's in the presence of another man.

What is up with that? I mean, if this is really an act of selfless praise, why not?

[redqueen]

8. lol... "gentlemen coompliment distributors"

It's astounding how many women I've seen posting comments online which enable and encourage the gentlemen.

Strangely I don't know any women like that IRL.

[geek tragedy]

9. It's just weird. I mean, who the hell asked my opinion about how they look? nt

[redqueen]

10. You don't seem to have absorbed the message that a woman's fuckability and hotness

are the most important things about her.

[geek tragedy]

11. I'm married, so I doubt I'll be absorbing that message

any time soon.

[redqueen]

12. But what if you have a daughter? What about neices?

You have to tell them how cute and beautiful they are!!!!

[geek tragedy]

13. I tell my cats how cute and beautiful they are.

Including the boy cat.

[ismnotwasm]

14. That's how my husband is

He notices true physical beauty, but he doesn't go looking for it in random women down the street or anywhere else, and finds no need to go out of his way to comment on it. He finds me beautiful, (inside and out he says) --- thinks its his job to tell me at weird random moments. Which is fun, so I do it back to him. (We got together with a passel of kids and no time alone first; now that they're out of the house we're like kids ourselves sometimes)

He thinks men who harass, or are inappropriate towards women are complete assholes and isn't shy about saying so. Women find him a safe presence, because he is, and he's clear about being safe.

[geek tragedy]

15. There's a definite correlation between maturity and a lack of

misogynist assholishness.

[eridani]

17. Appreciating feminine beauty by learning from cats

For cats, staring is aggression, so they don't do it unless they intend a threat. How they keep tabs on their environment is by glancing, and then looking away. It's a subtle art, and once I told my husband to observe cats observing, he got the idea pretty quickly. Much quiet enjoyment minus the creep factor ensued.

Aside--it's why cats approach the cat haters in a room instead of the cat lovers. The latter are making "Here, kitty kitty" noises and staring. The cat haters are silent and looking away, and appear to the cat to be non-aggressive beings that it is safe to approach.