History of Feminism
Related: About this forumThe Nonconsensual Sexualization of Unintending Young Women
Looking back, there is so much about this that disturbs me. It was my first introduction, I can see, to the sexual interpretations of others forced onto me in a dangerously she-was-asking-for-it-like manner, while I have no involvement and no desire of involvement. I didnt intend for anythingI was just living my life. I couldnt intend anything; for crying out loud, I was ten. And yet this is so deeply ingrained into the mentality of society that it was pushed onto me by none other than ten-year-old girls, who themselves had no idea what they were doing, but had somehow come to understand the significance and had learned to police sexuality. And I fixed something that didnt need to be fixed to appease to the fabrications of patriarchy, unwillingly, tearily, and self-destructively.
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The whole delusion of she must be attempting to be seductive or she wouldnt be wearing that / talking about this is at its core egotistical. And, fine, lets say a woman is trying to be seductive. What the hell makes you think youre the one shes trying to seduce? And if you arent, what the hell makes you think you have any right to shove yourself into her business? Your thoughts are your own: you are free to notice her, think about her, fantasize, etc.you are not free to involve her, through actions or words that disclose whats going on in your pants, unless she specifically consents and makes it clear. And this consent is not infinite. Or a light switch as they say. And this goes both ways. Were I to fantasize about a man I knew, I wouldnt tell him this, thereby involving him, unless I was certain he wouldnt mind hearing it. Otherwise, yes, it is harassmentI would be involving him against his will and making him feel extraordinarily uncomfortable.
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Like the ten-year-olds previously mentioned who categorized meand themselvesinto stereotypes, the actions and very real personalities of women are often fetishized as though they arent whole or they belong in compartments of sexuality, a mentality that enables men to sample women of each respective fantasy and ultimately objectify and limit them to these. And there are several. The innocent girlfriendpopular among religious men and Nice Guyswhom men protect not out of selfless care and love but for the sake of being the first ones to corrupt her, or to fulfill their own fetish through the limitation of her personality. The experienced whoreher supposed oppositeand then of course the deadly dichotomy, whom few women areand when they are, they are viewed as deceitful, mind youand destroy themselves attempting to become. Smart girls are fetishized for their intelligence, not for being whole people from whom we learn and with whom we expand our perspective, but for Hey I slept with this really smart chick. And dont get me started about beautiful exotic girls.
We dont revolve around you. And my personality is not a fetish.
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http://thefatalfeminist.com/2011/09/03/the-nonconsensual-sexualization-of-unintending-young-women/
There's one part of this that I really do not get so of anyone else does please clue me in. The rest of it is so good.
MadrasT
(7,237 posts)Not the best choice, but I think she is being over-the-top sarcastic... in a way, making oblique reference to what an idiotic insult that is to begin with.
Otherwise, great article.
ismnotwasm
(41,921 posts)You're probably right.
redqueen
(115,096 posts)Thanks, I couldn't make heads or tails of it. I should've included it in the excerpt but it was hard to pick which four paragraphs to share.
ismnotwasm
(41,921 posts)The only part that ran a little discordant to me was her instructor zipping her dress up--but that had more to do with how it was written.
I'm glad I gave up trying to be a 'good girl' early. Although my behavior ultimately caused me and others pain, I was a walking middle finger for a number of years. Trying to own sexual agency that way only works if you've got confidence and a lot of anger. (Or outright denial of the state of being woman) Anyway being forced into, or trying to fitting into any 'category' itched like poison ivy to me. I understood WHY it affected me, but not what to do about it.
When I was around 29, I learned to stop reacting and to please myself, and started seeing things through a feminist lens. And became inwardly happy, with righteous anger directed outward to where it's deserved, where it belongs and where it does some good.