Women And Girls Don't Need To Be Told To Be Nicer

[redqueen]

...

Simply, I don’t think women need to told they should be “kinder.” I think we’re told that quite enough thankyouverymuch.

The trouble is that, for women, being "nice" often translates into putting up with things we should never put up with. How many times has some creep sat uncomfortably close to me on the bus and stared me down, yet I’m too afraid to just get up and move, lest I offend him?

We smile when we’re harassed on the street or hit on by jerks. We laugh at sexist jokes. We learn that when we have strong opinions, we’ll be called bitches and that if we get angry, we’ll be called hysterical. When we say what we want, we’re called pushy or aggressive.

Part of learning "ladylike" behavior is about learning to smile politely when someone is being crude. Femininity has long been attached to passivity and to being docile. Men fight, women giggle and fume silently. Or talk behind people’s backs. We aren’t encouraged to be direct.

...

In many ways girls and women would be better off if we learned not to be nice, but to say what we mean, ask for what we want, not talk to strangers, and generally be less pleasant and compromising.

...

http://www.xojane.com/issues/women-and-girls-dont-need-to-be-told-to-be-nicer

[TDale313]

1. Really good article. Thanks for posting it. n/t

[niyad]

2. fortunately, that brainwashing never sank in. I have ALWAYS spoken my mind, and I do not suffer

fools, or assholes, at all. it saves so much time if you don't really give a tinker's **** whether other people think you are nice or not, and is much less stressful on the nerves.

somebody asked me once, when I corrected him when he called me a lady, why I objected. I said, "ladies get stepped on, bitches don't".

[Just Saying]

3. K&R

[ismnotwasm]

4. You know I'm actually a nice person, more or less

I'm capable of great kindness. I'm empathetic and altruistic, but not at the expense of my self hood.

And In a way that has nothing to do with gender; in the way of the decent human being I aspire to be-although I to teach myself how to this beyond gendered expectations and find women role models to aspire to. Which is really fucked up when you think about it.

Watching Assertive women before me, allowed me to give myself permission to assert myself. Feminism gave me the tools to do it and feel good about it.