Teen Dating Violence - talk about it with your teen.

[redqueen]

[4Q2u2]

1. A mix of New and Old School Approach

As my eldest, my daughter is the first of my children to enter this phase of life. I have on many occasions talked to her about dating. Work on meeting good, polite, and respectful boys. I try to empower her with knowledge and always re-enforce the idea that she is in charge of her. Never ever let someone do anything that you do not want to do. Do not ever be afraid to call me at anytime from anywhere, I might be pissed about losing a little sleep, but it will fade knowing i did not lose a daughter. For safety sake I showed her how to use her cell phone as a defensive tool. Open up the video camera and film right away, most peoples actions change when they know evidence is being captured. The flash light app can blind with the bright light or set it to strobe, this can give you time to separate from a bad situation and get to safety.

The old school section is that must meet and greet part. So i can talk to the individual themselves and relay my philosophy of how i believe and expect my child should be treated at all times. That not only is her first priority her personal responsibility, but I am expecting that other person to respect her personal responsibility and pro actively support that. The final old school in me is that you mistreat my daughter in any way I will break your F-ing neck.

I have also told my sons that if they ever mistreat a girl it will be me that they will answer to first.

This does go both ways. I have explained to all of them that my advocation and devotion to them does not give them a blank check in either way. My sons should not accept being struck or bullied by a girl, and my daughter knows i will not tolerate her acting in an unacceptable way.

All this still does not quell any of my axiety though. Hard watching them grow up. Rewarding though.

[FirstLight]

2. All of these are useful!

but the fact that you are TALKING to your kids about all of it is priceless!

My daughter is just entering middle school and I have been very open with talking to her about liking boys and how my first dating attempts went, and will continue to share as things get more progressed and age appropriate.
What's scary to me is the amount of kids, namely GIRLS, whose parents are just clueless and refuse to talk about this stuff. My daughter's best friend has parents who say "no dating/makeup/etc till you are 16." and that's it. No conversations.
It is a huge disservice to just shut the door like that to all options and never talk about anything before then. That girl could end up in a bad situation before 16 and not know how to protect herself or even recognize what's happening till it is too late...

My mom was not very helpful in that respect either. I never understood what rape was, much less date rape. My mom used euphemisms that didn't make things really clear. It wasn't till I was older I realized I had been date-raped at 15...and nobody ever knew, i just lived with the feeling all my teen life that *I* was the slut and it was MY fault.... I will make sure my girl knows what to expect before the time/age comes so she is prepared to fight for her innocence...

Side note: In fifth grade last year she was at a slumber party. Because she was the most 'developed' the girls decided SHE was the one to get locked in the closet with the older brother... he was 12. He was nice about it and they both were beating on the door to get out. MY girl ended up kicking the door open and telling all of them "MY innocence is NOT for YOUR entertainment!" ...needless to say, she never hung out with those girls again. By her own choice.