women who profess love for their abusers

[Kaleva]

Have a situation here where the ex and I are helping out an 18 year old girl who is 3 months pregnant and whose boyfriend is now sitting in jail for domestic assault against her. The boyfriend is a member of my ex's family so that is how we are involved.

The guy can't hold a job for long as his addiction to prescription pain killers dominates his life. One former employer called me directly and said that while he is a good kid, he's on the wrong path and has showed up for work high. The girl also had a problem with pills but upon learning she was pregnant, went cold turkey off of them. The girl has been busy for some time trying to get her boyfriend off the pills with no success and his desire to get some a few days ago lead to the big fight which people saw and reported to the police and thus the guy was arrested and brought to jail.

Now the sad part.

The girl shows text book examples of being co-dependent. Here are some of the signs of being such:

" Are you unable to find satisfaction in your life outside of a specific person?
Do you recognize unhealthy behaviors in your partner but stay with him or her in spite of them?
Are you giving support to your partner at the cost of your own mental, emotional, and physical health?"

http://www.webmd.com/sex-relationships/features/signs-of-a-codependent-relationship

The young woman is miserable because the supposed love of her life is in jail and they cannot speak to each other because of the mandatory 30 day no contact order in place. An order the girl plans to ask the judge to revoke this coming Tuesday. She is very aware of the problems the boyfriend is having as she has told us some very scary stuff that has gone on in their relationship. And lastly the girl is an emotional and mental wreck. They had no place to live as they had been evicted from their apartment and kicked out of friend's homes. So they resorted to living in his car until that was repossessed by the bank because of failure to make the loan payments on it.

The ex and I were trying to help out both of them but we've pretty much given up on the guy after he got arrested for domestic assault and we found out how bad his addiction was. He really can only help himself now and must want treatment and also realize he needs it in order for it to be effective. Us talking to him before apparently was just going in one ear and out the other.

The girl is trying to make her life better by going to agencies, the local food pantry and sticking to the only one friend she has who isn't on drugs. However, her main motivation is trying to set up a place where her boyfriend can move in with her after he gets out of jail and they can then become one, happy family.

While the young woman is trying hard and wants the best, especially for her future child, I think her co-dependency is going to lead this to a very unhappy ending.

[Tuesday Afternoon]

1. Is she seeing a Therapist? Best of Luck to her.

She is going to have a hard row to hoe, with him it will only be that much harder.

[Kaleva]

4. She's made an appointment to see her old therapist.

That one of the things the ex and I asked her to do was to start seeing a therapist. She told she used to see one, made some calls and found that he's still practicing in a nearby town and she made an appointment to see him.

The ex and I are hoping that the no contact order isn't revoked and also that the guy's bail isn't reduced to the point where he maybe able to find someone willing to fork over the money. This might give some extra time for the girl to realize, with the help of her therapist, that it may be best to cut ties with the boyfriend at least until he gets his act together.

[boston bean]

2. That's tough.

Co-dependency is may be an issue, but it may be deeper. Add in abusive partner where one is fearful, even if they say they are not, and the manipulation of the abuser upon the abused, the issue is dangerous for her, even if she doesn't realize it.

[Kaleva]

5. Co-dependcy is a symptom of deeper issues

She admits her behavior is co-dependent but as to why she acts that way and why she cannot break that cycle of behavior is for her and her therapist to work on.

[seabeyond]

3. i dont know. i have two nieces that are old enough, and they have kicked that man

to the curb.

as i would

i do not know. i could only do the way i know. it is offering the help. home (would be ok for me) with strong boundaries and guidelines. build her person, and help her to see, with a baby, one's self is no longer the priority, all about the baby. with that mentality, it is an easier road. but, as BB says, it goes beyond the surface, or obvious, which is all i can see, from my own personal experience.

i hope you get some answers.