Moms gone wild: 'The 40-year reversion'

[seabeyond]

Last edited Thu Jul 26, 2012, 01:10 PM - Edit history (1)

In a shocking article on TheAwl.com, author and mother Amy Sohn writes that moms in her affluent Brooklyn neighborhood are going through something called "the 40-year-old reversion." The tedium of raising children, she says, is driving moms in her circle out at night to party to the extreme as if they were 25 again.

Sohn likens the scene to the HBO show "Girls," which depicts life in New York for the post-college crowd: "...We're masturbating excessively, cheating on good people, doing coke in newly price-inflated townhouses, and sexting compulsively—though rarely with our partners. Our children now school-aged, our marriages entering their second decade, we are avoiding the big questions—Should I quit my job? Have another child? Divorce?—by behaving like a bunch of crazy twentysomething hipsters. Call us the Regressives."

It's a grim portrait of parenthood and marriage. And cringe-worthy tales of a drunk mom falling down the stairs while leaving a party and a mom who went to third base in the back of a minivan with a man who wasn't her husband could make a person who's thinking about getting pregnant hit the pause button. Sohn's salacious revelations have some people suggesting she made it all up: Her new novel comes out in August, after all. (When I contacted Sohn directly and asked if everything she wrote was true, she referred me to her publicist, who said the author wasn't doing interviews until the book releases.)

*

Nights out with my newly single friend Claire are often something to behold. One time we got into a heated, alcohol-fueled argument at a SoHo bar with a bunch of lawyers because one of them told me my dress was awful. The argument concluded when Claire threatened to take all the lawyers outside and "hit their faces." Then there was the time, emboldened by a couple of glasses of white, I told a stranger his girlfriend reminded me of a prostitute I'd seen in the paper. Claire scolded me and said I needed to work on channeling my inner Kate Middleton.

http://www.cnn.com/2012/07/25/living/moms-gone-wild/index.html?hpt=hp_c3

_________________________

come on. really? this is who we are promoting ourselves to be?

[malthaussen]

1. Whenever I see the word "affluent,"

I think of people who out-do each other in trying to achieve new lows of decadence. It just makes me shake my head. Didn't Hollywood prove years ago that the "beautiful people" ... aren't?

-- Mal

[redqueen]

2. Not sure it's intended to be promotion.

Might be more of a 'this is happening... why?' thing.

Is there a link?

[seabeyond]

3. oh, shit. now i have to try and find it. there was a lot more in the article. lol. nt

[seabeyond]

4. link provided. didnt hear any why... just cause. nt

[redqueen]

5. Just started reading this... and something jumped out at me.

Read that again, only everywhere it says "mom", read "dad".

See how it feels and sounds.

[seabeyond]

7. this is what stuck out to me that i had to read THREE times, lol.

While there's nothing wrong with a mom embracing her precious moments of freedom, there is certainly an old-fashioned expectation swirling that once thou hast procreated, thou shalt be home by 8 p.m. While enjoying the conversation at a concert after-party well past midnight a few months back, I kept getting worried glances from a dad.
"Shouldn't you be at home?" he said. "Should we get you into a cab soon?"
Clearly his wife doesn't go out. After a while he just went quiet around me, as though he suspected that my partying was indicative of deep problems at home.

the reality though redq, i do not know about others but i did my playing. and i did not grow up until later in life. i like being a grown up, or adult. after reading this, i started googlin

are 30 yr old parents not growing up.

lots....

[redqueen]

9. I think many didn't do any playing.

Fell in love early, married early, had kids... Wouldn't surprise me if that was behind a lot of this behavior... For both moms and dads.

[loli phabay]

12. so when the kids leave the nest its party time. probuably best time to do it.

you have more experience, know what you like and probuably have more money.

[redqueen]

14. Maybe.

Experience taught me that the wildest sport sex doesn't come anywhere close to matching the experience of vanilla sex with someone you truly connect with and love.

[seabeyond]

15. again, been there, done that, happy where i am. lol. i am not waiting for kids to leave

so i can all of a sudden be self indulgent and a teen again.

that is what i do not get.

[redqueen]

22. Me neither.

Like you said, BTDT.

[loli phabay]

25. heck when my kids are gone we are going to party like drunken 17 year olds ;)

[seabeyond]

27. young kids? do a good job now and by the time they are 8 it all gets simple

even in the teen years. you can start celebrating much earlier. it is the young years that are so damn time consuming and energy draining. do it right.... and the world is yours again. for the most part. their boundaries are established. they are walking a good path, and there are simple areas, guide, stay connected, to address....

meh...

i have a 14 yr old and 17 yr old. it is all such a piece of cake

finding wood to knock on.

[loli phabay]

29. lol i know it the girl is like a twenty year old drama queen the boy is easier to deal with

And pretty much easy going and ready to leave jome even at seven and explore the world. She is already way tall like her mum and thinks that means shes older. Good funnthough

[loli phabay]

17. they are different things both enjoyable in different wayß

Vanilla can be fun as can wild sport sex. It should be your cjoice and more power to whatever choice a person makes.

[loli phabay]

11. dont really need there to be a why, more a why not. :)

if its what they want to do and they make the decision to do it then why not.

[redqueen]

6. Just another gossipy expose of people who prefer not to 'act their age', so to speak...

only dressed up as somehow noteworthy by referring to the people's procreative status rather than other, more appropriate pronouns.

There have always been cheaters and drunks. Both male and female. Even, *gasp*, at all income levels.

*yawn*

Sadly by holding up the sacred "mother" ideal she might have found a way to cash in on her gossip. So it goes.

The really sad thing is we all know this goes on all the time. And while some of these people may be in open relationships, many aren't. I'd like to see some examination of these people's deeper motivations (both moms AND dads) for risking their family on such activities.

Also, this was ... amusing.

While enjoying the conversation at a concert after-party well past midnight a few months back, I kept getting worried glances from a dad.

"Shouldn't you be at home?" he said. "Should we get you into a cab soon?"

Clearly his wife doesn't go out. After a while he just went quiet around me, as though he suspected that my partying was indicative of deep problems at home.

[seabeyond]

8. ha ha. i said about the same in my reply to you. i think it is more of an issue than today. and

particularly talking about the 'girls" show than the rest.

[loli phabay]

10. why not if they want to, if they want to act dumb or do dumb stuff then its their call.

women just like men cover the whole gammit from angelic to jackass to downright evil.

[seabeyond]

13. anyone can do whatever they want. that is not the issue. nt

[redqueen]

16. "women just like men cover the whole gammit..."

Yep, but if you refer to the women as moms it puts a big scandalous spin on it.

I love how the dad who she worked with and was out partying with was acting like it was some kind of big deal for her to be doing it.

[loli phabay]

18. yup but the problem is his. her sexuality and decisions to make

[seabeyond]

19. has kids stopped you from having sex? being a responsible parent? being a good

example?

in the almost two decades being married i have had more sex, and more fun sex that has not interfered with my parenting or set a good example for kids to learn, or tear up a family.....

we are not talking about sex. we are talking about creating an environment to raise kids with security and a strong foundation for them to build on. if a person is gonna take on the responsibility then it is theirs to follow thru on. if it interferes with the health of the kids, there is a problem. as a parent it really is not all about me me me.

[loli phabay]

20. both can be done. you can be a wild child and a good parent

One does not preclude the other.

[seabeyond]

21. cheating on good people, doing coke, sexting rarely with our partners

Should I quit my job? Have another child? Divorce?—by behaving like a bunch of crazy twentysomething hipsters. Call us the Regressives."

One does not necessarily preclude the other.

but, that is the point of the article. one is precluding the other. i pretty much said, ya.... you can have fun with sex in marriage. and also be a parent. that is not what the article is about.

[redqueen]

23. Yeah, the double standard crap distracts from her point...

or what I think her point was... writing is so sloppy now.

If she'd talked about partying / cheating parents rather than just moms, it'd not seem so bizarre.

[loli phabay]

24. well if the kids are grown then have at it

If its an open marraige have at it. I am not going to judge the decisions they make as if they have no regrets then its none of my business. Too many people get caught in the trap of being what other people want them to be rather than being what they want whether that is a party animal sexually easy or a llama shepherd.

[seabeyond]

28. this again is a conversation with children at home, young children. and again. let me state clearly

people get to make their choices.

it does not mean others do not discuss the repercussion or reward of behaviors. no one is saying any laws need to be passed to stop shit. what people are discussing is behaviors and the effects they have on individuals, children, society as a whole.

they actually have courses about this in colleges.

[loli phabay]

31. lol thats my problem never went to college ;)

I agree with young kids you need to be circumspect but you can still party like its 1314

[seabeyond]

33. i am not saying that you cannot. in none of my posts, have i suggested that adult life ends

with kids.

i wont even go into it on du. but, there is parenting, and then there is not parenting. what this article is talking about is a lack of parenting.

[loli phabay]

35. whoosh got it i think i missed your point at first

[redqueen]

36. Exactly. This article isn't describing occasional nights out. nt

[seabeyond]

37. the child or mate are not being considered. it is all about the individual. me me me

mentality.

[redqueen]

38. Hmmm, a few generations of a growing # of individuals parented with that philosophy...

and look where this country is, selfishness-wise. Coincidence?

[seabeyond]

39. exactly. so in your face obvious. just having this conversation again, with 17 yr old

actually, i was talking about this article. and this is exactly what i was saying. he says.... i bet every generation says this. no no, this was talking this article and then one i read about kids on the net, with a net history at fuckin 5 and be sure to say NO to their kids, lol.

he says, every generation

i told him, look how fucked up our generation from the past, and you guys are in worse shape with such HUGE changes in our society thrown at you kids, in so many ways, and we are clueless what the extent of these changes will bring.

even he had to acknowledge this.

[loli phabay]

26. well without going into much detail (thats for pm) .;)

We party pretty wild and as ive said in other threads my kids are happy as hell and well looked after so probuably i have a different viewpoint on tjis.

[seabeyond]

30. i watched my brother (i cannot discuss something i have no knowledge about)

i watched my brother and his wife live this life. it was all about them. they swore, demanded, insisted they were the BEST of parents as they lived lives that were truly all about them. i watched their cirlce of friends. a decade and half later i am watching every one of these children struggle. many are trying to fix what they were taught in childhood. not live the same life they saw their parents live. many of them. because while my brother and his wife and their friends all insist they did the parenting by the books, they now look at the kids and say, what went wrong.

so god damn many things.

at the expense of the kids

that suffer and struggle today.

and then there are the few kids that have said fuck it. and have adopted that life they were taught.

[loli phabay]

32. not into parenting by the book. prefer to go with the flow and adapt

And go with wbat works for us as a family. I agree for some families it dosent work but every family is different. Wbat worked fornyou probuably wouldnt for us and viceversa

[seabeyond]

34. your post is really missing or ignoring my point. there are universal needs with children

it really is that simple.

but, i agree there are all manners of parenting.

when niece was preg and had a horrible example of the "non" parenting growing up, i told her....

we all parent differently and make different choices. that is fine. a reality. i will never say anything about the choices she makes for the kids. BUT.... i will agressively go after her if she is not parenting her child.

that was the world she grew up in. that was an easy reality for her.

now.... she has two kids and i can happily say, she is doing a damn fine job. she is working hard at being a parent. not perfect. none of us are. but.... she is always the parent. that is all the is required of a parent.