Should we come up with a mission statement of some sort?

[Behind the Aegis]

I think this is a welcomed addition to DU. I wonder, though, if a mission statement, pinned to the top, might not be appropriate. I don't think it has to be anything fancy.

Thanks again to one_voice for getting this group made into a reality (as well as the admins of DU)!

[LadyHawkAZ]

1. We should make a list of resources too n/t

[Behind the Aegis]

2. Totally agree.

I was thinking that would be included. I know I sometimes think others have the knowledge I do, and they don't. They don't know where to look for help, and this is especially true with more recent traumas.

[LadyHawkAZ]

4. This place seems to have a good list:

http://www.rapeis.org/support.html

[Ms. Toad]

5. It is an impressive collection. n/t

[Behind the Aegis]

6. That is impressive.

I say we take a few of the big ones, so the list is right here and reference it. What do you think?

[one_voice]

8. Good list!

[Ms. Toad]

3. Yes. n/t

[one_voice]

7. Yes, also as LadyHawk suggested in the other thread...

a host(s) will be needed. I'd like to nominate her if she's interested in doing it.

As far as a mission statement, I'd like to make sure it says both men and women. I'd like men to know they're as welcomed as women. Sometimes men feel like their not included in something like this. So, for me that would be important.

Also, I'm not sure how to word this, not very good at this, but family, spouses, partners etc that are helping a survivor could also use the resources and 'the shoulder' to lean on. They need help too, imo.

As to a mission statement, I'm not very good at writing things so I'll just put some ideas down and maybe people can add to them and someone that's better at writing than me can put it together.

This is a place where people can come for support whether for themselves or someone that they care for.

We will have resources.

No one will be judged or ridiculed EVER--with respect to their assault.

Please add to this.

[Ms. Toad]

9. It is a bit more challenging here -

but in other support groups I am in, the participation of a loved one is at the complete discretion of the person directly impacted.

I'm in a support group for my daughter's really severe illness (she'll likely need a liver transplant). Because I do medical research very well, I am leaned on by a lot of other members of the group.

BUT if she ever said to me, or to anyone in the group, that she was uncomfortable with me there - none of that would matter. I'd be out of the group - and I think that is how it should be. Even more so with the reason for this group.

[Ms. Toad]

10. I'm writing this one separately because I will likely delete it in a few days

It would be nice if we could figure out a way to link to our writings/artwork/etc. elsewhere without inherently disclosing the connection between our real world identity and our DU identity.

I have always been very careful to separate my online communities from each other and from my real life persona. But a piece I wrote recently seems to me appropriate for this group - if you look around you can probably connect the dots (which is why I will probably delete this in a few days - or at least make it more generic). I wanted to provide a little context, but couldn't quite figure out how to provide that context.

So - I don't have a vision for how that can happen, since communication is via public posts for the most part. But it would be nice if we could figure out a way to do that - since working things out in writing and art is often a big part of healing.

[LadyHawkAZ]

12. Photobucket is anonymous

I think most if not all of the photo hosting sites are. The best possible solution might be to create a free account there, if there's an image you or someone else wants to share anonymously. If it's posted somewhere else under your real name though, there is always that possibility of someone tracking it back to you. Especially if it's original artwork, or original writings.

I guess caution would have to be the buzzword with anyone posting something that is unique to them.

[Ms. Toad]

15. That is part of the issue -

There are two scenarios:

something which is available publicly under a real name - or a name not known on DU
something which is unique to DU

Photobucket or flikr work for the second. I have flikr account which has the same name I use on DU, which I use for photos I use exclusively on DU. So anything I share which is hosted there (or anywhere under a name I don't mind being google searchable and tied to DU,

The former is more challenging - and linking the two is trivial if it is textual. For example - I could post things in their entirety here (as text), but a search would bring up both the DU text and the elsewhere posted text. Images are a little more complex, although posting an image in google generates a remarkable number of matches these days. That is where some sort of buzzword for people in the know would be useful - but it would have to be a buzzword shared privately - which makes it challenging.

And, of course, no one should ever rely on not being found out.

[LadyHawkAZ]

11. Here's a start.

Last edited Wed Mar 20, 2013, 08:17 PM - Edit history (3)

This group is intended to provide support and a judgement-free area to men and women whose lives have been impacted by sexual assault or rape. This is a place to share our stories and come together as a community to support others in their journey towards healing.

We recognize that sexual assault affects people across gender and sexual orientation lines. Since sexual assault does not discriminate, this group does not discriminate either. All genders and orientations are welcome here.

This group is intended as a safe place for victims to post. Victims of sexual assault can be coping with potentially devastating emotional issues. This is not a place for personal attacks or flames; it is a place for support. Attacks will not be welcomed, and may result in the attacker being blocked from the group. Think before you post, and be compassionate always.

Group members are advised to use caution when posting images, writings or information that can be traced back to their real identities.

This is not intended to be a substitute for professional help or counseling. If you have been assaulted and need immediate help, we would encourage you to contact the police, your local rape crisis center or other local authorities. Please consult the list of crisis resources if you are in need of real-life counseling or assistance. (link to list).

It's just a draft. Feel free to pick it apart or rewrite it.

The only problem I would have with hosting is that I know I'm not well liked in some circles, and I don't want to act as a deterrent to anyone who may need this group. I was actually hoping you might volunteer.

[Behind the Aegis]

13. I think it is a very good statement.

I particularly like the second paragraph. Since you did such a good job, it is hard to "pick it apart," but.... ( ... I would like to add a couple of ideas:

....Someting that indicates one's sexual orientation/identity is also not an issue; meaning, if you are GLBT and have been victimized, you too are welcome in this group. I know this might seem redundant, but a number of GLBT people are intimidated, not only by the act against them, but because they are GLBT. (That actually happened to me here, at DU, twice.)

...A reminder that, while this is a judgment-free area, it is important to remember others have access to this area, so share accordingly. I know it sounds ominous, but after what a few of us have experienced, I really do want people to feel safe here, but not worry once they go back to general areas they will be attacked or harassed.

...This group is for support, not a forum to attack other members of society, except for those responsible for the acts or those who would allow these acts to be minimized or ignored.

...I don't want to sound unfriendly, but should we also include something that basically says if you can't follow these points, you will be immediately blocked?

As for host, I think you'd be fine. I don't know you'd chase people off or not. There are a few groups where I absolutely cannot stand one or more of the hosts, but it doesn't stop me from posting there. I know others may not feel the same, but I feel most of us have some baggage with a different group anyway. So, personally, I am OK with you or one_voice hosting. I don't think it will be taxing, but we really should have a host...just in case (I learned my lesson the hard way in regards to another group).

[LadyHawkAZ]

18. Updated to include your input

Thanks

[Behind the Aegis]

26. It looks really good. Thanks for taking to the time to do it. n/t

[one_voice]

14. Yes, that sounds good!!

Let's leave that sit for a few, see if anyone has anything to add.

I have 18 people ignoring me. I'm not well liked either.

Why don't we host together? We can start, and if the group grows we can go from there. How does that sound?

[Behind the Aegis]

16. LOL! Really?! YOU! 18 people?!

I have just one more than that; how is that even possible?! You're blunt but you aren't ugly. Just goes to show, some people is crazy!

I already said above, but, I support you both being hosts.

[LadyHawkAZ]

19. It's worth a try

I'd be happy to join you.

[one_voice]

24. I think we'd do fine..

Should we contact Skinner to do it, or should we wait for more folks to give their opinion.

I don't know that it's known this group has been created. I know there was a lot of support for creating this group. I wonder how we could get the word out?

[Ms. Toad]

17. Hosting -

Not knowing anything at all about why anyone would not like you, do you know what the issues are?

I have issues with one host, and I don't post in that safe harbor group because I was attacked there (not by one of the hosts - by another member) with an insult that should have immediately resulted in blocking my attacker from the group (in other words, the attack itself violated the safe harbor purpose of the group). The hosts (and one in particular) refused for a couple of days to intervene using the excuse that the jury had hidden the post - why would I expect more? (The person who attacked me was eventually blocked from the group, but the damage was already done in terms of whether I had any interest in participating there.)

If you believe the issues involve a perception that your hosting would not allow people who need this group to participate safely (like the above), then you might want to abstain in the interests of making the group more welcoming. If it is just the average cranky DU stuff, it shouldn't be an issue.

[LadyHawkAZ]

21. Yes, I know what the issues are

I've been involved in the feminism wars and there's some... angst there.

[Ms. Toad]

23. Hmm...wonder if we're on the same side or opposite sides

(I actually don't know - I have some strong pretty strongfeelings, but I bop in and out and don't tend to take names)

The question I would pose, I guess, is whether people you know who are on the opposite side would feel as if you could not host fairly if they were to drop in and participate here. (You don't have to answer that here - just noting the things I would think of. I do a lot of running meetings and even though I don't always mesh well with everyone, there is only one person who has ever felt serving in that role would hinder their participation in any meeting. In this kind of role, how my presence impacts the people who might want to participate gets pretty high billing in my evaluation of whether I take the job.

[Ms. Toad]

20. Today is a crazy day -

but I'll try some rewriting later if no one else gets to it -

This is not intended to be a substitute for professional help or counseling. If you have been assaulted and need immediate help, we would encourage you to contact the police, your local rape crisis center or other local authorities. Please consult the list of crisis resources if you are in need of real-life counseling or assistance. (link to list).

Too many rape crisis centers have moved to the professional counseling mode and away from peer counseling. The rape crisis center I volunteered at for a decade sometime after I left set a limit of X number of sessions (and perhaps even a time period after the event) - at which point they no longer considered peer counseling to be sufficient. That, in my mind, is arrogant horse-pucky. Recovery is a lifelong process and - in most instances peer counseling, or some good support groups that don't imply you are crazy just because you aren't over it yet go a long way. An expectation is that one is really damaged if one doesn't recover on schedule creates damage even if all that we are experiencing is some normal variation in finding a new balance in our lives.

The other piece (or part of the same) is the focus on authorities or reporting or things in the realm of "officially" dealing with things. I went that route - and would make that choice again, even though it was a pretty miserable experience. But it is just as as valid a choice to avoid those formal structures which can be quite damaging in and of themselves.

That may not make any sense to anyone other than me - but I'll try to take a stab at modifying the language so it is more affirming of the variety of healing timelines and processes, and of interaction with formal structures.

[LadyHawkAZ]

22. OK

I'll let you take a stab at the rewrite since I'm not sure how I would phrase that one, and we can work on it from there.

[one_voice]

25. I like the updates...

Behind the Aegis added added really good input.