Trump's airport scheme dealt fatal blow - Another Day - Brian Tyler Cohen

[TexasTowelie]

BTC: The Trump administration sends ICE agents to our airports. So say goodbye to stressful air travel. The masked men with guns are here to help. This is just another day.

If you're one of the unlucky Americans stuck in line at our nation's airports right now, I invite you to breathe a sigh of relief because thanks to our commander-in-chief, help is on the way.

(cut to video from CBS Morning News)
Host: ICE agents have been sent to help TSA officers who are not getting any pay checks during the partial government shutdown.

(cut to video from CBS Morning News)
Reporter: Over the weekend, the Trump administration said it would start deploying ICE agents to some of the harder hit airports to help speed up TSA screenings.

(cut to studio)
BTC: Now, I actually can see how this might help speed things up. Because if you think about it, every time an ICE agent shoots a passenger, the line moves that much faster.

The influx of ICE agents to our nation's airports is a result of TSA agents being furloughed due to the ongoing partial government shutdown over the fight to renew DHS funding which lapsed last month. But now that our nation's foot soldiers are being sent to ease our pain, one big question remains. What exactly are they going to do?

(cut to video from CNN)
Dana Bash: Are ICE agents even remotely trained to handle security at airports?

Tom Homan: ICE agents receive a high level of training. You know, there's I mean, there's got TSA agents covering exits. You know, uh people that enter through the exits, you know, certainly a highly trained ICE law enforcement officer can cover an exit. Makes people people don't go through those exits.

(cut to studio)
BTC: Wow. Someone better alert the Bouncers Union because their jobs might be in jeopardy. So to reiterate, due to the fight over funding America's ICE agents, the administration is dispatching ICE agents to airports to guard the exits in an effort to show how essential their work is. Got it. I mean, I'm sorry, but this is legitimately the biggest fucking waste of resources at a time when there is no shortage of wasted resources. Who's the idiot who green lit this brilliant plan?

(cut to video from CNN)
Trump: Whose idea was it? Mine. That was mine.

(cut to studio)
BTC: That checks out. But he didn't stop there.

(cut to video from CNN)
Trump: That was like the paper clip. You know the story of the paper clip?

(cut to studio)
BTC: Ah, watch out everybody. Old man with a story coming through.

(cut to video from CNN)
Trump: 182 years ago, a man discovered the paperclip. It was so simple. And everybody that looked at it say, "Why didn't I think of that?

(cut to studio)
BTC: (long bewildered pause) Well, let's see some of these ICE agents in action, shall we?

(cut to video from CNN)
Ryan Young: You can see some more of them gathered over here. This is what they've been doing for the most part today is doing the patrols around the airport, uh, talking and gathering. If we come back this direction, uh, there's also a contingent of officers over here. And the reason why is what we're being told is there's a protest scheduled against ICE here at the airport in the next 2 hours or so. So now you have extra police officers from the Atlanta Police Department ready to respond to what that may happen when protesters arrive.

(cut to studio)
BTC: So grateful those men and women could be there in case a protest broke out due to them being there. And if I could just take a second to commend those protesters because there is no more powerful message in America than going to an airport when you don't have to. Honestly, I think most of us would just put our protest signs in an Uber and hope for the best. So, just know that your dedication is appreciated.

But today, the man who birthed this genius plan was on the front lines of, well, a totally separate event, but he was still on those front lines and found time to check in on how things were going with his head of ICE, Todd Lyons.

(cut to video at Crime & Public Safety Roundtable)
Trump: But how are you doing and how is ICE doing at the airports and helping out?

Todd Lyons: Oh, you know, sir, just have the opportunity to help our other fellow uh officers at Department of Homeland Security. We're doing great. We're going to make sure that your promise is kept, that we're going to help those lines move, and we're going to make people safe. And no one should be nervous to go to the airport because we're going to make sure that every traveler on spring break has a safe journey.

(cut to studio)
BTC: Yes, every traveler on spring break will have a safe journey to their destination. As far as what happens while they're there, that's another story. Let's just say that uh the lines at the airport won't be the only lines America's spring breakers will be partaking in. There will also be other significant delays as well as guys making up excuses for why they're so short staffed. And the reason is because their dicks won't work.

Now, one of the big complaints coming from congressional Republicans is that Democrats are trying to lump ancillary things into this fight over money for DHS. And it's moves like that that Donald Trump simply won't tolerate.

(cut to video at Crime & Public Safety Roundtable from C-SPAN)
Trump: And I'm suggesting strongly to the Republican party, don't make any deal on anything. The most important thing we can have is what's called the SAVE America Act. I'm requesting that the Republican senators do that immediately. You don't have to take a fast vote. Don't worry about Easter going home. In fact, make this one for Jesus. Okay? Make this one for Jesus. That's what I tell him.

(cut to studio)
BTC: Gosh, it is always so nice to see this president showing off his deep love for Christianity because frankly, you'd be hard-pressed to find someone more Jesus-like than Donald Jesus Trump. I mean, he forgives those who've wronged him.

(cut to video)
Trump: These people are crazy.

(cut to studio)
BTC: He doesn't care about material things.

(cut to video)
Trump: I put in new chandeliers.

(cut to studio)
BTC: And he loves thy neighbor.

(cut to video)
Trump: Canada has been ripping us off for years.

(cut to studio)
BTC: Truly a man of God. Some might even be so brave as to call him a miracle worker.

(cut to video at Crime & Public Safety Roundtable)
Stephen Miller: What President Trump has done on border security and public safety is a national miracle that will be studied not only for generations but for centuries to come. Thank you, President Trump.

Trump: Thank you, Steve.

(cut to studio)
BTC: It is laughable that Stephen Miller still thinks our society will be around centuries from now. Between RFK stance on vaccines and this administration's denial of climate change, I think we've got about a hundred years left before Earth is just a planet full of Waymos walking our dogs.

You know, it's pretty stunning to see Trump navigate this self-created fiasco because back in 2016, he tweeted, "While our wonderful president was out playing golf all day, the TSA is falling apart just like our government. airport's a total disaster.” So, I'm just grateful that ten years later, while our airports are a disaster, we finally have a president who refuses to partake in such frivolous activities.

(cut to video from Fox News)
Reporter: President Trump now arriving at Graceland for a bit of a detour on his stop.

(cut to video of Trump signing a guitar)
Trump: Oh, that came out good. Mhm. Look at that. Yeah, that looks nice. Oh, you never know. These are hard to sign, but that came out pretty good.

Unidentified: Is that the first guitar you signed?

Trump: Just about. Now, Biden couldn't do that.

(cut to studio)
BTC: Well, Trump's got you there, Biden. If your nation was at war with Iran, the economy was cratering, and America's airports were in shambles, you probably would have just punted on the visit to Graceland, and had an auto pen sign that guitar for you.

The reality is the current nightmare that is American air travel could be over today. Democrats have offered multiple stand-alone bills that would fund the TSA while both parties in Congress negotiate the terms of funding DHS, but Republicans have said no each and every time.

See, Democrats want to place some restrictions on ICE before they fund them again because for some reason they have this crazy idea that when the midterms roll around, ICE agents could pop up at polling stations across the country as a way of intimidating voters. But I don't know where the Dems are concocting these ludicrous fantasies.

(cut to video)
Steve Bannon: We can use what's happening with these ICE helping out uh helping out at the airports. We can use this as a test run as a test case to get to really perfect ICE's involvement in the 2026 midterm election, sir.

Mike Davis: Yeah, I think we should have ICE agents at the polling places because if you're an illegal alien, you can't vote, right? It's it's against the law. It's a federal crime for you to vote in federal elections. And so if you're an American citizen, you should be happy that ICE is there because you're not going to have illegal aliens canceling out your vote.

(cut to studio)
BTC: Again, no idea where these paranoid libs get their crazy ideas. Donald Trump can point fingers all he wants at Democrats, but it's worth remembering that his party is in power. Donald Trump is imposing this pain on hard-working Americans because he is more than happy to let them wait in four hour lines just to board a flight.

And it's pretty funny how Trump can't seem to find the funding for DHS when anytime he needs some cash, he has zero problem. If he wants a gaudy ballroom, if he wants a clandestine crypto dinner, if he wants a brand new plane, this is a guy who knows how to find some extra cash to make his life a little bit easier. But when it comes to extending that grace to underpaid and overworked Americans, he is more than happy to use them as leverage. If you're stuck in line for hours, miss your flight, or have your spring break ruined because of the complete chaos at our airports, just remember whose idea this whole thing was.

(cut to video from CNN)
Trump: Mine. That was mine.

(cut to studio)
BTC: Exactly.