Tommy Carcetti
Tommy Carcetti's JournalPicture this: Democratic Underground, 2008.
An exciting presidential candidate by the name of Barack Obama is taking the country by storm. Americans everywhere are debating as to what song to use as their profile song for their Myspace Page. The Dark Knight dazzles at the box office, and a little known singer named Lady Gaga is preparing to drop her debut album.
And here at Democratic Underground, we get a message out of Sheboygan, Wisconsin from a 14 year old political wunderkind by the name of Asher Heimermann.
https://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x3686221
Or at least that's how he frames himself as being. And at first, it seems innocent and endearing. He seems just like a young kid who claims to be an Obama supporter who is raising money for Barack Obama's campaign. And most people applaud in good faith, because we like that sort of thing.
But then, the wheels seem to slowly start to come off the Asher Heimermann wagon.
Because while he claims to be doing this for Obama, he starts coming off as rather...self-absorbed.
He titles all his posts as "Comment from Asher Heimermann," as if it's some royal fiat or declaration.
He starts relentlessly pushing his own personal website and newsletter, which is all amazingly about him and only him.
And while he claims to be raising money for Obama, he's insisting that people send the money directly through him, as opposed to the campaign itself. Which probably isn't kosher in terms of campaign finance-wise. And seems mightily grifter-ish.
So some people begin to grumble and question his motives. Other people get defensive, and accuse the first camp of ganging up on a poor teenager who claims he just wants to be politically active. Fists fly. Accusations abound. Brother against brother. Father against son, and mother against daughter. Pretty soon Democratic Underground becomes all-consumed as to what do do with Asher Heimermann.
And at that point, Asher himself springs to action, and makes an important announcement to everyone on the website. He titles it "CONFERENCE CALL IN 15 MINUTES!" and demands that everyone here join him on a very important telephonic conference call where the topic will be exclusively about him and his activism and his tremendous value to the DU website.
At that point, the jig here is pretty much up for Asher, and he gets PPR'ed (or "Tombstoned" as we liked to call it back then).
The story for Asher doesn't necessarily stop there though. While he's no longer a mainstay here at DU, he continues to fashion himself a big deal in his hometown of Sheboygan.
In 2011 as a 17 year old, he runs for Sheboygan mayor. In 2012, he runs for the Wisconsin legislature. Of course, he doesn't come close to winning any of these elections, but it's enough to give him some press in the local media, the Huffington Post and even apparently on NBC's Today Show.
But what may have started out as cute when he was younger quickly turns into a local nuisance once he hits adulthood.
He decides to rig his car up with flashing lights, wear an official police-styled looking uniform, and go around to accidents in his area as self-described "Incident Response," but really would just take pictures of accidents and immediately upload them onto social media, even before families of victims can be notified.
He jumps on unfounded rumors of school shootings, creating alarm where none is warranted.
He's basically Kyle Rittenhouse--down to the Wisconsin birthright--but sans the double homicide, thankfully.
Understandably, locals are none too pleased.
But the Adult Asher Heimermann abides nonetheless.
He's created a new website titled--no joke---"The Executive Office of Asher Heimermann":
https://eoah.org/
And if you read his "official bio,"--peppered with his many achievements such as being elected Freshman Class President, as well as various barbs at his former political opponents and classmates--you'll find that he claims to have long been a Republican activist since he was 10 years old, and that he claims to have supported Donald Trump in 2016 and 2020.
https://www.asherheimermann.com/?fbclid=IwAR1t79qISfQaqE3E9iZrAXC76Sb2T_gYT_bfQ7yJFxUQIyiE9DL-YdVTk3g
Which leads us to this very important question:
Were you playing us back in 2008, Asher? Were you?
Anyways, it's truly a train-wreck phenomenon, but still quite fascinating nonetheless: Tracking the trajectory of a malignant narcissist from adolescence all the way well into adulthood.
Jack Smith and the Blue Angels
When I was a young kid, one of my favorite things to do every year was to take in the annual air show over at the nearby air base.
Usually these shows would feature the famous Blue Angels aerobatic team. And there was one trick in particular they did that I remember.
There were 6 planes total in the Blue Angels. They’d all take off together and do a few initial stunts as a team.
Then two of the planes would inevitably split off from the group, while the remaining 4 continued to entertain the crowd.
And there would always come a point where we as the audience would be watching the four planes in front of us perform some stunt, when all of a sudden, one of the two planes that had split off would come up from behind the audience at a high speed and low altitude and surprise everyone. It would give everyone a great jump scare because while we were distracted by the planes in front of us watching them do a trick, the one solo plane would launch a sneak attack on us that no one saw coming.
And it was shocking, but once you got over that shock, you couldn’t help but laugh.
That’s what Jack Smith did today.
We were all watching him on the January 6th case and expecting something out of that today, and instead he comes out of nowhere and surprises us with the new Mar a Lago documents case charge against Trump.
A surprise “sneak pass” trick indeed!
Indictments are not like demerits or bad Yelp reviews.
You can't just shake them off or accuse them of being issued out of spite or jealousy, and be done with it.
Indictments mean there is evidence you broke a specific law and that you are being charged with a crime.
They mean you are facing the prospect of having to sit in person for a trial--possibly for a period of days to weeks, depending on the case--where your own personal culpability is on the line.
They mean you are facing the prospect of being found guilty, and having a punishment imposed for your guilt.
Including, in many circumstances, jail/prison time where you will be legally confined and deprived of personal liberty.
Indictments signal a process--a long, laborious, time-consuming process, with real consequences and repercussions.
That's why I don't get all the cynicism about Trump supposedly getting more popular after being indicted, or all the handwringing over trial dates.
First of all, any fortification of popular support for Trump following indictments is happening exclusively within the Republican Party.
He's not getting any support from independents, from moderates, or obviously from Democrats. Indictments only further hurt and erode support for Trump for anyone outside of the cloistered Republican/Trumpist base.
Secondly, regardless of whether any trial happens before the election or after the election, as of now, they're set to happen. And again, unless you're a diehard Trumpist, the fact that Trump is running as a man under indictment is a serious, serious liability and not as asset.
I think it's important to stop and take stock of the truly deep shit Donald Trump is in at the current moment. It's not to be brushed off casually.
BREAKING NEWS: Following Twitter's lead, McDonalds to retire iconic "Golden Arches" logo
In the wake of the sudden decision by social media giant Twitter to replace its famous “blue bird” brand logo with a simple “X” marking, another major corporation has chosen to abandon its longstanding and unmistakable logo in order to signal a radically different direction for the company.
Fast food conglomerate McDonalds announced in a press conference today that it soon will be retiring its ubiquitous “Golden Arches” logo found in front of its restaurants worldwide and replacing it with a new corporate insignia that it believes “more closely identifies with the true mission of McDonalds.”
“Face it, McDonalds was never anyone’s idea of fine dining,” CEO Chris Kempczinksi said before a gathering of reporters. “Sure, it might be an ideal place to get a quick, inexpensive meal. Or maybe to satisfy a craving or a guilty pleasure. But let’s be honest: the food itself was never the actual star of McDonalds.”
Instead, Kempczinski said consumers should be reminded of McDonalds’ true legacy to the business world.
“When Ray Kroc took control of McDonalds in 1961, he transformed it from a small chain of local eateries into an unstoppable behemoth that now spans the entire globe,” he said. “Now, 95% of our stores operate as franchise-owned restaurants. This allows us as a corporation the freedom to develop and market new products that are identifiable to consumers everywhere, while allowing local independently owned companies to assume all the day-to-day risks that come with the ordinary operation of business.”
Therefore, to highlight McDonalds’ pioneering franchise model, the “Golden Arches” logo will be replaced with a very different type of visual branding: the words “16 CFR Part 436,” written in plain, stark, black and white font.
“16 CFR Part 436 is the portion of the federal code governing the franchisor-franchisee relationship,” Kempczinski noted. “We think renaming our stores after this regulatory code plays the proper respect to the revolutionary business strategy that we as a company helped to perfect.”
In addition to new signage, the interior of restaurants will be getting a different look as well.
“Gone are the bright colors and photographic displays that have been commonplace features at McDonalds up to this point,” Kemcpzinski explained. “They’ll be replaced an atmosphere that is more evocative of, say, an accountant’s office. You know, intermittently flashing florescent paneled lights. Drop ceilings. Thin, gray industrial carpet. Those sort of things. We don’t want anything that makes customers to feel welcomed in any sort of way. Just eat and get out as soon as possible. That will translate into maximum level and efficiency and profit for everyone involved.”
Names of menu items long associated with McDonalds’ will also be made part of the makeover.
“We’ll be doing away with names such as ‘Big Mac,’ ‘Quarter Pounder with Cheese,’ and ‘McNuggets,’ and replacing them with references to various subsections of the regulatory code,” Kempczinski noted. “So, you should be prepared to order a 16 CFR 436.5(p) with a side of 16:1.0.1.4.53.1 Subpart A.”
“Now, will you know what you’re actually getting?” he continued. “Probably not. But in placing your order, you should know that you’re paying an homage to the great wonder that is the American corporate franchise system. Be proud!”
One thing that will be a holdover from McDonalds’ former days of lighthearted culinary fun? The children’s Happy Meal. But even that will bear little resemblance to its prior incarnation.
“No longer will our Happy Meal feature a box with whimsical images and games and characters,” Kempczinski stated. “Instead, before receiving their food, all children will be required to fill out an Assets and Liabilities disclosure form, similar to what we ask all our prospective franchisees to complete. We figure this will shut the little buggers up while we cook them their food.”
Kempczinski was then asked whether children will still receive a toy with their meal.
“A toy?” Kempczinski responded. “Yeah, um, sure. We can give them a toy. We’ll give them…the pencil they used to fill out the form. Kids will love it. You can use it for school or any number of other utilitarian purposes. They should feel privileged just to have that, really.”
All in all, Kempczinski maintained a positive outlook on all the new changes in store for his famous brand.
“To quote our new slogan,” he said, “Ba-da-da-da! We’re lovin’ the judicial immunity from liability for all events in the regular course of business of our franchise stores, including but not limited to as personal injury litigation, employee sexual harassment claims and all torts relating to and/or arising out of defective or spoiled products!”
DETAILS AT ELEVEN
BREAKING NEWS: Comer provides names of 5 more individuals alleged to have information against Bidens
Following the federal indictment of Gal Luft—a self-proclaimed whistleblower who claimed to have information of wrongdoing against President Biden and his son Hunter—on charges that he acted as a foreign agent for China and violated sanctions against Iran, House Oversight Chairman James Comer (R-Kentucky) provided the names of additional individuals who he claimed to have “damning information” pertaining to the Bidens.
At a press conference Tuesday morning, Comer listed the identities of at least five persons he claimed would testify to “irrefutable proof of wrongdoing and felonious illegality” that he claims was committed by the President and his son.
The individuals include:
--Fugitive Serbian war criminal Sergi Vlodic, accused of a series of terrible atrocities against civilians dating back to 1996;
--Internationally renown jewel thief Lance “the Falcon” Delaney, who was able to stealthily nab the world-famous Integrity Diamond (approximately valued at $20 million) in a sensational heist at its secure location in the French Riviera, all thanks to his charm, good looks, quick wit, debonair persona and unparalleled powers of seduction;
--Disgraced ex-CIA officer John Matthews, who provided the North Korean government with the names of dozens of secret informants imbedded in the country, as well as the blueprints of several U.S. nuclear production facilities;
--Health executive Mary Stevenson, currently under investigation for nearly $1 billion in Medicare and Medicaid fraud, where it is alleged she used such funds for her own personal benefit, including purchasing a 12,000 square foot mansion in Plano, Texas, a large fleet of private luxury cars, helicopters and aircraft, at least two Supreme Court justices and the world-famous Integrity Diamond (approximately valued at $20 million); and
--David Dennison, indicted on 34 felony counts of falsifying business records to cover up the use of campaign funds to pay off an alleged affair he had with a porn actress as well as 37 felony counts of mishandling highly classified documents, and who is also under federal and state investigation for various acts of interference in the certification of the 2020 presidential election.
When asked, Comer would not reveal what information any of the individuals might have against either Biden or his son Hunter, but nonetheless insisted that whatever it might be, it would be “devastating” to the President’s interests and necessitate further impeachment inquiry.
“I’m not just going to sit here and compromise this investigation by telling all of you in the media everything these very fine people know about the unspeakably terrible deeds of Joe and Hunter Biden,” Comer said. “Nor do I even currently know anything about what they might know. Nor do they even currently know anything about what they might know, for that matter. The fact is that they don't actually know anything about anything, but let's not focus on that part for right now, okay?”
“What I do know for certain, however, is that any attempt to further prosecute these brave individuals or subject them to any sort of legal scrutiny for any sort of reason whatsoever is proof positive that the Deep State will stop at nothing in attempting to silence them and the truth that I so desperately wish for them to give us,” Comer added.
DETAILS AT ELEVEN.
Took my family to visit DC this past week. Enjoyed it a lot, with one exception.
This past week as part of our family vacation, I took my family to visit Washington, DC.
For anyone who's thinking of taking a trip there, it's well worth it.
In two days time, we saw the Air and Space Museum, Natural History Museum, National Archives and American History Museum. We also walked the National Mall, walk past the Capitol, Washington Monument, White House and World War II Memorial. (All of this is entirely free, in case you are wondering!)
We wanted to go all the way to the Lincoln Memorial but the hot weather and long walk put a bit of a damper on that.
And we got to travel the Washington Metro, one of the cleanest and most efficient public transportation systems in the country. (You feel like you're on a spaceship on those trains!)
All in all, it was a great time for everyone, with one exception.
Specifically, outside every museum, you'll see dozens and dozens of vendors. Mostly food trucks, but some people selling memorabilia as well.
And, no, that wasn't the problem.
What got me upset and angry was some of the memorabilia carts. They had all the normal DC merchandise--shirts, mugs, hats, snowglobes, etc.
But several of them were actually selling "Trump 2024" hats and merchandise. A couple also had the inane "Let's Go Brandon" merchandise as well.
Now, I didn't feel like making a scene. And I had no idea if the person working the cart actually had any sort of ownership interest in it, or was simply some poor minimum wage worker hired to man the register. So I didn't bother confronting anyone. (Honestly, the people manning the booths did not look like the prototypical Trump supporters, but who knows.)
But just seeing that Trump merchandise made my blood boil. Because I immediately thought back to the footage of January 6th. And throngs of thousands of Trumpists on that day, on that very same National Mall, all marching on the Capitol. All in a violent insurrection in an attempt to disrupt the peaceful and democratic transfer of power in this country. And all because of that one cursed man whose name was on those very hats and shirts.
Now, I'm no fool. I know it's a free country. I know we have the First Amendment. People will be allowed to sell what they want to sell, and we can't interfere with that.
But if people actually had any sort of sense or common decency, the name "Trump" or any attempt to merchandise on it would never be seen on the National Mall, knowing what happened on January 6th. It was sickening.
Now, the good news is, I saw thousands of people in my two days in DC. And of those thousands of people--with people selling Trump merch left and right--I saw a grand total of one person wearing Trump merch. One.
One guy--probably late teens to early 20s--was wearing a Trump 2024 hat. (He was also wearing a Fall Out Boy shirt, which if you wanted to convey the image of a badass, tough rock band, Fall Out Boy is about as far from that image as you can get. Unless he was intentionally trying to be ironic. Who knows...)
When Joe Biden ran for President in 2020, the cynical response was...
...that he had spent 44 years in Washington--38 in the Senate--and supposedly nothing to show for it.
Of course, that's patently untrue. He sponsored many successful bills, sat on important committees, and served as Vice President for 8 years. That's hardly "nothing."
But even that aside, I think the most recent episode regarding the debt limit blows that cynical talking point out the water. That 44 years of experience was hardly nothing. In fact, in the end, it meant everything.
The man simply knows how to get things done in DC. Period.
BREAKING NEWS: Special Counsel Jack Smith forced to cancel planned Russian vacation
Jack Smith, the Special Counsel charged with the investigation of former President Donald Trump regarding allegations of misappropriated classified documents as well as his actions leading up to the January 6th Capitol Insurrection, has been forced to cancel a personal vacation he planned to take to Russia this summer.
Smith was among a list of over 500 American individuals who were sanctioned by the Kremlin earlier this week, thus foreclosing any possibility of him traveling to the country that is currently embroiled in a bloody war with neighboring Ukraine.
Smith had reportedly been planning a vacation to Norilsk, located in Siberia well inside the Arctic Circle which holds the distinction of being the northernmost city in the entire world. Norilsk has a population of roughly 200,000 and is best known for its short life expectancies and heavy mining and smelting of the nickel deposits held beneath its frozen surface.
Sources close to Smith describe him as “extremely disappointed” that he will be unable to make the trip.
“They say one has not truly lived until he or she has breathed the thick, heavy metallic air of Norilsk,” one of Smith’s close friends explained. “Jack was so looking forward to taking it all in.”
The sanctions mean Smith will not be taking the approximately 25-hour flight (with several layovers) to the area, not including the additional hour and a half it takes to get from the airport to the city proper via snow truck.
Additionally, Smith will be forced to eat the cost at the Hotel Norilsk—one of only a few lodging options in the city—where he had upgraded to a premium “Smokestack View Room” package.
Had his plans not been derailed, Smith reportedly had planned several days’ worth of recreational activities in Norilsk, including taking in the city’s many Khrushchyovkas (Soviet era apartment buildings), aimlessly riding the city’s street cars back-and-forth from one end of the town to the other, and a day-trip excursion to nearby Talnakh, presumably also for the purposes of looking at more Khrushchyovkas.
“Jack was perhaps most looking forward to spending an entire carefree day of fun, adventure and whimsy visiting the Norilsk Golgatha,” Smith’s friend noted, referring to the city’s monument erected in memory of the tens of thousands of Gulag prisoners who died from harsh forced labor conditions during the Soviet era.
Smith was also said to have wanted to take some personal reflection time during his now-canceled Norilsk holiday.
“He told me all he really wanted to do was to walk alone through the streets of Norilsk, huddled up tightly in a heavy winter coat, while the wind mercilessly blew snow and ice against his frozen cheeks,” Smith’s friend said. “All of this to remind himself that in the end, life is really not that much different than death, Heaven no different than Hell. But alas, it will never come to pass for him.”
With the time he was scheduled to be spending on his Siberian getaway now unexpectedly open, Smith will have to find other ways to spend his free time.
“I guess he’ll just have to use that all time working to indict Donald Trump instead,” Smith’s friend remarked. “Such a pity. Such a shame.”
DETAILS AT ELEVEN
BREAKING NEWS: DOJ promises to give Durham Report "exactly the amount of attention it deserves"
Following the release of a report by Special Counsel John Durham into the FBI investigation of Donald Trump’s connections to Russia during the 2016 US Presidential campaign, the Department of Justice vowed to give the report “exactly the amount of attention it so, so justly deserves.”
Durham—who was appointed as Special Counsel during the Trump Administration by then-Attorney General Bill Barr to probe the FBI’s investigation of Trump’s Russia ties in 2016—issued his report on Monday. The report issued harsh criticisms against the FBI’s bases for launching its inquiry against Trump, although it did not make any recommendations for any further criminal indictments of any individuals. Durham did prosecute two individuals during the course of his investigation for process-related offenses; both trials resulted in swift acquittals.
“When we received [the Durham Report], the first thing I heard from my superiors was, ‘This is going straight to the circular file!’” noted one DOJ official.
“Er, um…circulating file,” the official quickly corrected himself with a nervous laugh. “You know, a file that, uh, circulates around the office, so everyone can get a chance to read it and be all like, ‘Oh! Wow! This is such a well-written report!’ I mean…that works, right? Yes? No?”
Critics of the Durham Report have criticized it as a blatant effort to whitewash concerns about the relationship the 2016 Trump campaign appeared to have with numerous individuals and incidents associated with the Russian government, including a campaign meeting with Russian officials offering to provide dirt on Hillary Clinton, Trump’s campaign manager providing Kremlin oligarchs with polling data, and Trump himself on live television appearing to encourage Russian hackers to infiltrate Clinton’s campaign computer data.
Some within the DOJ, however, were slightly more charitable towards Durham’s efforts.
“John’s like one of those terminally ill Make-a-Wish kids whose dream it is to be a major league baseball player,” one source said. “So they give him a uniform, bring him out onto the field, soft toss him a few balls during batting practice, the whole shebang. I mean, no way in hell do they actually bring him into a real game--because that would be absurd--but you do what you have to do to make him feel good about himself in what is otherwise a terrible, terrible situation for him.”
Others angled for more of a constructive criticism type of approach.
“Four years and seven million dollars later, and what did we get?” a DOJ official said. “Well, we got a grand total of two trials where the respective juries took about as much time to decide the cases were nonsense as one would take to watch an episode of HGTV’s House Hunters. So, in other words, you had a grand total of 24 people who were deprived of the opportunity to see if John and Sally from Omaha decide to go with the suburban new build, or that classic craftsman right in the heart of the city. And that’s a shame. But, hey, I guess the man tried. Can’t fault him there, right?”
A few in the DOJ went so far as to compliment Durham’s choice of font for his report, and praised him on his spelling and grammar proofreading abilities.
“306 pages and not once—not once!--does he end a single sentence with a preposition,” one individual remarked. “Sure, the ultimate legacy of Durham’s report may be that it was nothing more than a bald-faced attempt to re-write history and manufacture an alternate narrative that a major party’s presidential campaign wasn’t actually blatantly corrupted by a hostile foreign power. But at least his ninth-grade English teacher has something to be proud of…err, I mean…something of which to be proud.”
At least one high-ranking official within the DOJ went on record finding that the Durham Report could prove very useful in the end.
“I promise you this, I fully intend give the Durham Report the proper weight that it deserves,” the official said. “I mean that literally. It will be a wonderful paper weight for my desk. The stupid thing works absolutely beautifully for that purpose.”
DETAILS AT ELEVEN
Message to all non-Floridians on this website:
We're 1) very aware of the problem, and we're 2) working our hardest to fix it.
Now, put down the Bugs Bunny gifs and tired "FloriDUH" references for right now, m'kay?
Thank you.
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Member since: Tue Jul 10, 2007, 03:49 PMNumber of posts: 43,173