SOTU Transcripts! (Or Just About the Same)

Donnie on Democracy:

Rosenstein asked for Trump to reconsider releasing Nunes memo, Washington Post reports

Why Would You Watch the Russian Propaganda Tonight?

Seriously, I am very well aware of the state of the Russian satellite. And for anyone who thinks they might miss someone slapping cuffs on him in front of all his "guests", think again. Nothing untoward will be allowed to happen to glorious leader.

Must Wear Attire for All Dems Attending SOTU

The (Psychological) Necessity of the Wall

Even though it would be the biggest, most costly farce in the history of our country, we should not underestimate the psychological comfort the wall would provide for xenophobes.

The number one item a xenophobe requires to feel comfortable is some sort of demarcation line announcing that "This side is MINE, and that side is where you stay put". Intangible borderlines drawn on a map simply do not sit well with xenophobes. Although most will never visit the border, they need to know that there is a visible, man made object dividing US from THEM. This is especially important when they perceive "my side" to be much better than "your side". In many instances, this perception of "better" is arbitrary, and, when it comes right down to it, "better" just means "because it's mine".

The second item a xenophobe requires to feel comfortable is the safety a well constructed barrier provides. Although no barrier is impenetrable, at least a "big beautiful wall" will keep the majority of bad hombres out. Again, the vast majority of xenophobes will never personally inspect the wall to assure themselves of its effectiveness. Just as long as their leaders attest to its formidable size and strength, they will feel safe.

The final factor governing xenophobes' comfort level is the ability to control ingress into "their side". While letting "others" into their side never feels quite right, it is sometimes necessary (maybe for trade or diplomacy). The wall allows entry only at certain points. Those points of entry are heavily guarded, and the scrutiny each visitor undergoes before being able to pass ensures only those worthy enough are allowed access. It is always a good idea to make entry into what is "mine" as tedious and painful as possible so that these foreigners understand they are here temporarily.

And so, you see, in order for the xenophobes rest easy, we have to build a wall. What is a mere $25 billion (for starters) if it means the minority of our citizens feel comforted?

Asked the Wife What She Would Do If I Gave Her a Magazine with My Pic on Cover

pulled down my pants and asked her to spank me with it. She said she would tell me to put the magazine in the bathroom and use it for toilet paper.

Note: I did not include the offer of remuneration in the sum of $130K for said spanking, and I believe that could have had an impact on her answer.

Does Anyone Else Have a Bad Feeling about MLK Day?

It's a day rife with opportunity for the big turd to say awful things. You know his deplorable base are eagerly awaiting the racist message that undermines all that MLK stood for.

Do Grade Schools Still Do President's Physical Fitness Tests?

And, if they do, have they added the "Beautiful cake eating" segment to the test?

tRump's recent physical has made me ponder the meaning and relevance of the test that we all so fondly recall from our childhood.

I remember those tests. Usually they included sit ups, push ups, and chin ups. I also remember thinking about how my president wanted me to be physically fit so I could accomplish great things. But now I'm reconsidering all that.

I mean, really, folks, how can there be a president's physical fitness test when tRump is morbidly obese and eats 10,000 calories a day? Does anyone here honestly believe tRump could do more than, say, five sit ups over a period of a week? How about all those push ups? Sorry Donnie, but bringing a Big Mac up to your mouth does not count as a push up. Are we going to change "push ups" to "golf cart hops", as in "How many times can you hop up from a golf cart in 60 seconds?"

More than that, I no longer believe my president cares what kind of physical shape I'm in. He certainly doesn't want me to have access to decent healthcare. I guess as long as I am able to maintain a semi-upright position on my potato chip crumb infested sofa and watch Faux and Fiends, I should be deemed 100% fit. Because, let's face it, that is the physical shape tRump aspires to.

$100 bucks says that, in a month, you will remember "Shithole" fondly

If he even has handlers anymore, they must have him on one of those retractable training leashes that allow waaaaaaay too much freedom. Now that "shithole" is being normalized by the GOP and Faux Nooze, look for increasingly worse presidential sputum to be hocked on our country.

Obama right now