Thank you for the open letter and advice I will share with him.
He is staying at home to further his education, and will be taking pre-requisite courses through a local community college (with credits that transfer to the state university) associates degree program and as a hedge against the extreme costs of on-campus college courses. His credit hours for the same introductory classes will be 1/3rd of the cost at the state main campus and about 1/20th of the same courses at a "prestigious" or private college.
I advised him in this course of action because he is uncertain of what he wants to major in, or how he wants to use a college education - as a springboard into a trade?, as a broad-based liberal arts education that can open opportunities to him that are closed without the paper entry-key known as a diploma?, as a way to find out that he is better suited to a trade or craft that would not require a full bachelor's degree at all? With so many unanswered questions, it is best for him to save the money, live at home and begin working part-time to get a foundation established before deciding on a 4-year degree and campus life or not...or maybe I'm wrong and he will find another path, unique to him and his ultimate destiny. Time will tell.
I went down a different path 32 years ago. I entered college directly out of prep school (yeah, I was one of those...but I was there on my personal academic steam and not daddy's contributions to the school fund), and I came to my college campus with a lot of chips on my shoulder. I felt I had been wronged in the admissions process - not getting a continued free pass to anywhere I desired; and in my immaturity, I had a lot of people I was blaming that year. I was also arrogant to beat the band, convinced that the ground I walked upon should have been consecrated and positive that not only was I right, I just may not have ever been wrong...in other words I was 18. I THOUGHT I was far more certain of myself and my future than I really was inside.
That first year of college was something else though...life changing things happened to me throughout the whole experience. I met my future wife that year, we fell in love, out of love and apart before eventually finding our way together in the end (mainly due to me, my insecurities and emotional desert status while finding my footing as a man instead of a petulant boy). I was humbled to no longer instantly be the smartest person in every room I entered. I was also exhilarated by new and deeper friendships than I had previously known. I was hit by things I was never prepared for, and I also began to understand the real world a little better before I had to enter it for good four years later. I learned more about myself in my first year on campus than I did in all of my classes combined. Some things the easy way, most the hard way but THAT was priceless for me. For some failure is a teacher, for others it is a burden...for me it was necessary.
In the final analysis, I - like millions of others I am sure - only recognized many of the extraordinary opportunities and chances missed YEARS after they happened, and were gone forever more. I look back now and realize that while I thought I was ready, the world showed me I was far from it. I had every possible advantage one could imagine...and I took them all for granted; but in the end, I managed to take advantage of enough of them to go on to a career and life that I am proud of, a wife that I love so deeply I cannot fathom a life apart from her, and a family that defines my 'how, what and why' every day; and a life that I can admit to also being a little ashamed of (for lost and squandered potential to do more, to be more) at times. Show me the man who has in his grasp all that he would reach for, and I will show you a failure...so maybe there's still enough horizon left too, enough ahead to carry on though the sunsets behind are surely greater in number now.
Maturity and age (not necessarily in that order) have made clear to me now, what was lost in the haze of cigarette and joint smoke filled bars and parties then - we all have one ride on this moist pebble, circling a non-descript star in an ocean of emptiness; and when opportunities come along, they nearly never come back. If someone feels they are ready, they may be right - but they're probably wrong...when they say they are not sure if they're ready...believe them, they are not. As a parent now counseling my son on these issues, the best I can offer up is to be there to help dust him off, and to rely on the upbringing he received these past 18 years from his mother and myself.
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