Sometimes a cult collapses under its own weight.

[pat_k]

67. And as the spell breaks for some, let's extend a little grace.

No forgiveness in advance, but I firmly believe the "never forgive, never forget" sentiment and shaming, hateful rhetoric directed at 47 voters that is so widespread is seriously problematic. As long as MAGA as a cult, or a MAGA individual, is immorally attacking our core values, we must defend ourselves and be loud and proud about what those values are. But I wish more of us would learn to do it without the rhetorical violence against "them."

Food for thought on understanding the cult and some closing advice from Jayne Converse in this short 5 min video:

....Shame is too powerful, so they double-down, like trump does. Some trump supporters know deep down they've been conned. They've seen the cruelty, the corruption, the chaos, but they've already invested years of their indentity into defending him. To walk away now would mean confronting shame, losing their community, admitting they were wrong. And that is terrifying to them. So instead, they dig in deeper...

Not everyone in that cult is unreachable. Some are too far gone. Some are on the edge. Quiet. Doubting. Hurting. We don't get them back with facts. We get them back by offering something Trump never will: real community, real care, and real solutions... Offer people a way out that doesn't begin with shame, but with dignity... This fight isn't just about defeating Trump. It's about breaking the spell and building something better in its place.

Points along the same lines were made by Sarah McBride (1st trans U.S. Congressperson) in an interview shortly after she was sworn in.

...This country is still at a trans 101 spot... Leaders should always be out front of public opinion, but in order to foster change in public opinion we've got to be within arms distance of the public, so we can pull the along with us. If we get too out ahead of it we lose our grip and are unable to pull the public along with us... There is a space for diversity of messengers, and a diversity of message... What we do know is that as the movement for marriage equality moved forward, the most effective messengers for marriage were not same sex couples, were not parents of same sex couples or kids of same sex couples, the most effective messengers for marriage equality were those that evolved. They were effective because they gave a permission structure for people who had not yet gotten there that it was ok to be uncomfortable, it was ok to be on the other side of the issue. You were not a bad person, you weren't wrong. And by giving people permission to be wrong, it created the space and grace for people to grow. We need more grace in our politics if we want people to actually grow...

We are shooting ourselves in the foot as people who believe in progress when we create no incentive for people to grow because they perceive they will be permanently guilty for having been wrong. We create no space for them to grow by extending no grace for them to walk there...

One of the reasons you see people pushed into their respective corners -- you say something that's deemed problematic. And you are immediately hounded by one side and immediately embraced by the other side. Human nature is -- when faced with that degree of extreme binary reactions is to go to the people who are validating you instantaneously. So we unintentionally push people further and further into their own corners and into their negative opinion by responding with a degree of condemnation and vitriol that creates no incentive or space for them to grow...

NVC (Marshall Rosenberg's non-violent communication) skills can be useful. It's not specifically designed for communicating with cult adherents or across ideological divides, but the principles are powerful in all sorts of conflict resolution situations. There are NVC practice groups online and in some locations, in person.