General Discussion

Contrary1

(12,629 posts)

133. From someone who has been there...

Wed May 15, 2013, 02:37 AM

May 2013

I was diagnosed with breast cancer back in 1997. I didn't have much choice with the first surgery. The doctor told us that there would not be much left after getting clean margins.

The second go-around came three years later. I was growing weary of the various lumps, bumps, and scares. I listened to that little voice. I asked for a prophylactic (preventative) mastectomy.

The pathology reports indicated that I had made the right decision. Several benign growths, along with two areas of "pre-cancer".

My husband said, and I remember his exact words..."I would rather spend the rest of my life with my best friend, than with two breasts." We're going on 41 years.

I belong to an online group of women who have fought, or are still fighting the aftermath of breast cancer. Several of these ladies had husbands or lovers who "couldn't cope".

Bullshit.

Shame on any "man" who would leave or cheat because of this. They weren't worth having anyway.

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HOW did a generation of young men's brains get f-ed up enough to produce this bigotry about Jolie? [View all] alp227 May 2013 OP

pornified society of women. this is how the men and boys today see women and girls. seabeyond May 2013 #1

That's quite a broad brush you have there NoPasaran May 2013 #4

deny deny deny seabeyond May 2013 #6

argle bargle gargle NoPasaran May 2013 #8

so you see no problems? Skittles May 2013 #22

seeing a problem zerosumgame0005 May 2013 #80

show me where it says, "all MEN are EEEEEEEEE-vil" Skittles May 2013 #97

where do you see them not? zerosumgame0005 May 2013 #98

because sexism and misogyny is INGRAINED Skittles May 2013 #100

Ahhh, so all men ARE evil. EOTE May 2013 #154

Actually, the point feminists are making is that all men are *not* evil... YoungDemCA May 2013 #204

That's exactly what I've been trying to get at. nomorenomore08 May 2013 #213

The OP and the post defending it both suggest that this behavior is the "normal". EOTE May 2013 #234

The problem is that the internet lets every moron broadcast to the planet in 120 characters. Warren DeMontague May 2013 #124

Well said maddezmom May 2013 #142

Agree to a certain degree. I also think the internet has caused more young men to objectify women. cui bono May 2013 #157

I disagree. I think using the lowest common denominator ugliness on twitter, or, say the comments Warren DeMontague May 2013 #186

I have to agree. Most of the men I know feel sympathy for her. Walk away May 2013 #229

wouldn't surprise me ... men who admired her ... beauty and body were upset or disturbed by the news seabeyond May 2013 #235

Disturbed by the fact that she had an 85% chance of getting breast cancer? redqueen May 2013 #237

and for the truly clueless, the "normal" or APPROPRIATE reaction would be seabeyond May 2013 #240

I must really hang around with the best of men 'cause not one of them ... BlueJazz May 2013 #95

+10000 Katashi_itto May 2013 #82

Well, of course. It's the only one she has. cleanhippie May 2013 #94

"this is how the men and boys today see women" Umm, no it isn't. Common Sense Party May 2013 #96

Exactly this. RudynJack May 2013 #111

I don't know if it's smaller or larger. Either way, I doubt it is much different from years gone by. Common Sense Party May 2013 #121

Would you care to answer? How widespread do you think this attitude is? Common Sense Party May 2013 #149

there have been OP after OP of this mentality toward women and girls, on the net, in RL to the point seabeyond May 2013 #151

I pretend nothing. I am only asking for your opinion. Common Sense Party May 2013 #153

More ablamj May 2013 #172

Definitely. One jerk like that is too many. Common Sense Party May 2013 #178

First! snooper2 May 2013 #150

The contempt some men have for women has never been more obvious than since... hlthe2b May 2013 #2

The contempt has always been there the difference is that the misogynists can gather in large Luminous Animal May 2013 #9

+1 the more power women gain the worse the hatred for women. It is not going to LiberalLoner May 2013 #27

How dare you tell men they can't like boobs. Brickbat May 2013 #3

+1 Sheldon Cooper May 2013 #50

Post removed Post removed May 2013 #66

You're exactly right. Brickbat May 2013 #75

Can't reply to hidden post so I'll reply here: cui bono May 2013 #161

Wow, I didn't know that post was hidden until I saw your response here. Brickbat May 2013 #162

This message was self-deleted by its author seabeyond May 2013 #77

I think you are confusing this poster with Locut0s. dawg May 2013 #169

thank you very much. i will self delete. i think i have been doing it for YEARS with these two. seabeyond May 2013 #174

Thank you for being aware -- Hell Hath No Fury May 2013 #5

hey... seabeyond May 2013 #7

That little shit would piss himself MineralMan May 2013 #10

LOL spot on! Thanks for that vision! ROFL n/t DebJ May 2013 #176

Eh. It's the Anonymous Internet. People say insulting things when they can't be held to account. randome May 2013 #11

It's 5 jackasses on Twitter. Hardly a 'generation.' nt msanthrope May 2013 #12

Yup lovemydog May 2013 #38

no kidding, if youtube comments reflect society at large arely staircase May 2013 #45

You didn't hear? jberryhill May 2013 #65

And you know they're gonna want porn to order to make deposits, right? msanthrope May 2013 #202

Indeed. Imagine if every person on twitter represented their generation LittleBlue May 2013 #123

I think your generalization of young men is way to broad, based on these twitter comments... yawnmaster May 2013 #13

I agree. As a member of the "MTV" generation, it is insulting to BOTH sexes anneboleyn May 2013 #46

You have no idea about the crazy beliefs about sex American young men hold. alp227 May 2013 #215

I have a very good idea of what beliefs young men hold...you apparently did not read that... yawnmaster May 2013 #220

35% anonymously admitted that, under certain circumstances, they would commit rape seabeyond May 2013 #236

Exactly! That is nowhere near "most" man as alp states above...also those surveys are... yawnmaster May 2013 #242

What it does show, to me, is that people/men are pretty fucked up, and always have been. nomorenomore08 May 2013 #245

LOL I would agree some people are pretty fucked up...people in general, don't think so. eom yawnmaster May 2013 #246

I agree up to a point. But I don't think it's quite that simple. nomorenomore08 May 2013 #247

I saw this on FB and pointed out the privilege loyalsister May 2013 #14

i see it as a horrible adaptation by males to female behavior galileoreloaded May 2013 #15

there you go, cause it is better, not parity, it is the womans fault. there are always the asian seabeyond May 2013 #17

i think its all of our faults. galileoreloaded May 2013 #18

you think it is all the mens fault, yet only blame the wimmins. that is a realist? seabeyond May 2013 #19

lol. not even a good try. :( i expected more from you. nt galileoreloaded May 2013 #104

OMG SEABEYOND, NOW WE'RE "MEAN" Skittles May 2013 #24

well, fuck woman, you go around kickin' everyones ass. seabeyond May 2013 #25

aw it's probably the paranoid, gun humping men Skittles May 2013 #26

you did NOT just say "real men"... galileoreloaded May 2013 #110

OMG Skittles May 2013 #112

thats what I said!!!! galileoreloaded May 2013 #114

Good point. BainsBane May 2013 #117

self deleting Skittles May 2013 #125

I would never suggest such a thing BainsBane May 2013 #126

and that doesn't make you skeptical as to the Democracyinkind May 2013 #136

Just a thought. Laelth May 2013 #146

They hated us even worse when they had full control Warpy May 2013 #62

warpy, this is not just about jolie. we hear it all the time. and to suggest it is broadbrush is seabeyond May 2013 #68

Swimming in a river full of sewage is going to have an effect on you-- eridani May 2013 #140

I am pleased to see that our discussion had an impact on you. Laelth May 2013 #143

what a good sport you are. yup. me too. lol. still thinking about it. seabeyond May 2013 #147

I am looking forward to it. n/t Laelth May 2013 #148

Can I be mean too? xmas74 May 2013 #103

you want I should kick your ass to toughen you up, xmas74? Skittles May 2013 #115

Thank you! xmas74 May 2013 #139

Translation: we talk back BainsBane May 2013 #116

... Scootaloo May 2013 #43

LOL that's a good one. DebJ May 2013 #177

'Cuz wimmiz luv assholes!' Yup, that's how it read. You made me ROFLMAO. Thanks. freshwest May 2013 #227

I don't notice that women are any meaner treestar May 2013 #44

the ones who imitate "the boss" zerosumgame0005 May 2013 #83

of either gender. really has nothing to do with the Op or the person being replied to. seabeyond May 2013 #89

OMG I mis-speeled a word! zerosumgame0005 May 2013 #99

You're right, we should have stayed in the kitchen and been nicer. Starry Messenger May 2013 #52

you don't know women very wel do you zerosumgame0005 May 2013 #84

"Wel", I am a woman. I know lots of women very well and not one of them conforms to your Starry Messenger May 2013 #87

I see what happnens, and unlike you zerosumgame0005 May 2013 #101

You've got a special brand of your own. Starry Messenger May 2013 #113

'won't date nice girls... thinks he deserves someone in his imagined higher bracket' freshwest May 2013 #228

What I've noticed BainsBane May 2013 #119

We have a winner! And just 'getting laid' doesn't promise long-term happiness. freshwest May 2013 #230

grow up already Democracyinkind May 2013 #137

Nah. The asshole guys are the ones who SAY they get MineralMan May 2013 #166

Hm you seem to indicate that getting laid a lot DebJ May 2013 #180

How old are you? There is a grain of truth to what you said, but the world isn't that simple. nomorenomore08 May 2013 #190

Thanks for perpetuating a disgusting stereotype.... YoungDemCA May 2013 #209

hate to tell ya, but those guys clean up. galileoreloaded May 2013 #107

Clean up what? Starry Messenger May 2013 #118

And who cultivated this competative and mean cut throat spirit Shankapotomus May 2013 #86

ok, 7-10 of the usual suspects. my bad :) galileoreloaded May 2013 #105

Right, because only 10 people BainsBane May 2013 #134

Are you capable of reflecting on your own words--your own opnions? hlthe2b May 2013 #144

I think that's a crock fishwax May 2013 #159

Are you saying that men are behaving badly because women are now mean? cui bono May 2013 #164

I saw some asshole on a friend's FB thread called it a "boob job." Arugula Latte May 2013 #16

Your main point is the offensive nature of these posts. Agreed! But, for the love of God, Buzz Clik May 2013 #20

Yes. that is why I've never had a twitter account. I don't need to see hate and ugliness spewed 24/7 hlthe2b May 2013 #32

Holy shit. Fuck this bigoted, sexist culture indeed. Initech May 2013 #21

Because cynicism & lack of compassion produce assholes. JaneyVee May 2013 #23

+1. Both are ways of saying, I don't carea about you, I'm in it for myself alone. freshwest May 2013 #232

I was on HP earlier today.... chillfactor May 2013 #28

Thank you for posting this. liberalmuse May 2013 #36

what a beautiful, thoughtful post.... chillfactor May 2013 #37

So do I, indeed. calimary May 2013 #130

The ironic thing is that those type of men really believe that women ARE DebJ May 2013 #179

My mom and stepmom lovemydog May 2013 #218

the culture is the technology that enables this garbage olddots May 2013 #29

What it really does is enable us to see the garbage. I suspect it has always been there... yawnmaster May 2013 #225

I actually cried when I read the news story. liberalmuse May 2013 #30

This is so depressing these guys don't know the courage it takes for her to have done this. Arcanetrance May 2013 #31

Her career will not suffer, she's a huge star and producer and a powerful person Bluenorthwest May 2013 #41

I guess I don't have enough faith in humanity that Arcanetrance May 2013 #57

I'd just say you lack information and substitute cynicism. Bluenorthwest May 2013 #165

That's the beauty of the internet mythology May 2013 #33

I don't care about any of that stuff.. pipoman May 2013 #34

Rev. Al Sharpton had a segement about the test csziggy May 2013 #71

PoliticsNation had a good segement about the test and the issues csziggy May 2013 #79

Have the gentlemen in the Men's Rights Dungeon MattBaggins May 2013 #35

Hmmmm. Which "Men's Rights Dungeon" do you speak of? Warren DeMontague May 2013 #49

+a brazillian! opiate69 May 2013 #73

*snork* Warren DeMontague May 2013 #92

Matt? Matt? Yoo hoo? ProudToBeBlueInRhody May 2013 #163

"A generation"? Scootaloo May 2013 #39

Profile in Courage JohnnyBoots May 2013 #40

Well said. polly7 May 2013 #48

Amen JohnnyBoots May 2013 #51

Thank you .. yes, he really was. nt. polly7 May 2013 #53

That's it. Warren DeMontague May 2013 #42

It's the internet LittleBlue May 2013 #47

It isn't just America. BlueToTheBone May 2013 #54

Personally.. 99Forever May 2013 #55

disgusting. anglelina said brad was by her side DesertFlower May 2013 #56

My opinion TNNurse May 2013 #58

A generation? one_voice May 2013 #59

Yes. There are real issues. The dregs of the Internet are not DirkGently May 2013 #64

Internet trolls are the voice of our generation! JVS May 2013 #102

All hail: The Trollest Generation! DirkGently May 2013 #108

I was just thinking, who is the Millenial Bob Dylan, and "R Jeezy" immediately sprang to mind. Warren DeMontague May 2013 #131

Boomer privilege means that you get to listen to musicians who wrote songs like... JVS May 2013 #217

Here's the script: Warren DeMontague May 2013 #219

that's weird arely staircase May 2013 #60

Because we refuse to stand up to it in mass Shankapotomus May 2013 #61

Because we refuse to stand up to it in mass +1 . nt seabeyond May 2013 #70

If that's a whole generation, our species is doomed jberryhill May 2013 #63

Thinking about this as a 68 yr old person who grew up at a time when there was no TV in the house: enough May 2013 #67

my teens do not do facebook and twitter, yea. i was thinking about this just yesterday. seabeyond May 2013 #72

Well said. Anonymous electronic grafitti brings out some ugly, primeval DirkGently May 2013 #76

There's always "The Mentalist" Warren DeMontague May 2013 #132

Thanks. I've seen it, and unfortunately it has made me distrust people more. Although I see few of freshwest May 2013 #231

I don't think a handful of men equal an entire generation Rex May 2013 #69

I had the same surgery as AJ mchill May 2013 #74

Just Because Half-Century Man May 2013 #78

Well said! n/t DebJ May 2013 #181

They are demean the name dick Half-Century Man May 2013 #184

Teenagers say a lot of stupid shit. Gidney N Cloyd May 2013 #81

Well, we could ask the ancient Athenians. WinkyDink May 2013 #85

I have to admit to being shocked by this tweet stevenleser May 2013 #88

What is REALLY funny is when these guys act like they WOULD have slept with her,...but not anymore. Spitfire of ATJ May 2013 #90

Yeah. Warren DeMontague May 2013 #93

I expected much worse aikoaiko May 2013 #91

Ah...another "men are jerks" thread. NaturalHigh May 2013 #106

This is a style of "humor" that I think was born of the internet. Marr May 2013 #109

I don't think the number of assholes (of either sex) has changed Revanchist May 2013 #120

And 30 years ago, the tough guy misogynist twerp didn't have a way to publish his bile so that Common Sense Party May 2013 #122

The internet is just a modern manifestation of SoCalDem May 2013 #127

Right, I'm sure he only loves her chest. Deep13 May 2013 #128

as some who has fantasized a lot about Miss Jolie DonCoquixote May 2013 #129

From someone who has been there... Contrary1 May 2013 #133

What's been happening on DU lately? spiderpig May 2013 #135

Life. napoleon_in_rags May 2013 #138

Don't assume that one asshole speaks for a generation... Pelican May 2013 #141

It's not your generation. DanTex May 2013 #145

No no no, that's just not possible. redqueen May 2013 #160

Well, to be fair, the older men get, the less they say these kinds of things. DanTex May 2013 #170

Yeah, the thing is, I see this as connected to the pandemic of male violence against women. redqueen May 2013 #173

Yes, there probably is a connection. DanTex May 2013 #183

Thing is, you don't *know* (based on one comment) whether someone's just trying to be "edgy" nomorenomore08 May 2013 #197

They are indocrinated in this belief that women are objects to hurt riverbendviewgal May 2013 #152

There are billions of idiots on the internet The Second Stone May 2013 #155

As a more mature woman...aged beyond being sexually exploited in the same manner..... Sheepshank May 2013 #156

Seriously, who is calling pipi_k May 2013 #158

There's plenty of fucked-up bigotry, posted by both sexes and all ages, all over the net. Nye Bevan May 2013 #167

why? Ask Sarah Palin or Donald Trump. closeupready May 2013 #168

She is a registered Independent. Common Sense Party May 2013 #206

What I don't understand, is why so many people get defensive ... dawg May 2013 #171

Excellent question. redqueen May 2013 #175

"No one is saying that all men think like these punks" Common Sense Party May 2013 #191

"Is" and "has the potential to be" are not the same. For one thing. nomorenomore08 May 2013 #193

Even when asked, however, the poster refuses to clarify or better articulate. Common Sense Party May 2013 #194

Maybe she means "some men are like that, others have the potential to be (or not be)." nomorenomore08 May 2013 #196

Maybe so. It seems we'll never know. Common Sense Party May 2013 #198

Superficially, yes, it's quite different. nomorenomore08 May 2013 #200

I don't think it dilutes the argument at all. On the contrary, I think an honest Common Sense Party May 2013 #203

Okay, I'll try to explain it how I see it... nomorenomore08 May 2013 #208

Who says you have to "ignore it"? The first step to problem solving is to accurately Common Sense Party May 2013 #211

"But how do you begin to solve it without first being aware of how widespread it is?" nomorenomore08 May 2013 #212

I absolutely agree that it is not so simple. Common Sense Party May 2013 #214

Okay. I guess I've just learned not to take these things personally. nomorenomore08 May 2013 #216

Holy generalizations, Batman bayareamike May 2013 #182

She can do with her boobs whatever she wants HockeyMom May 2013 #185

HOW did a generation of young women's brains get f-ed up enough to produce this bigotry about Jolie ProudToBeBlueInRhody May 2013 #187

Uh, that's like totally different Warren DeMontague May 2013 #188

Yuck, thank god most people don't broad brush all women based on these maddezmom May 2013 #189

This is how the women and girls today see women and girls. Common Sense Party May 2013 #195

I see what you did there maddezmom May 2013 #199

I agree. I think the people who are rude and hateful on anonymous sites like Twitter Common Sense Party May 2013 #201

Those women aren't responsible for their actions.. Upton May 2013 #210

+1 I fear for the young generation of women Harmony Blue May 2013 #233

Good luck getting a comment from the OB on that. Apophis May 2013 #241

The world is filled with idiots and assholes. Always has been. nomorenomore08 May 2013 #192

Yep, always... it's just easier to see them now. eom yawnmaster May 2013 #223

Sorry but a lot of creeps have been screwed up for a long time, not just now still_one May 2013 #205

You are completely correct...With today's technology they are able to be more visible... yawnmaster May 2013 #222

alp227, thank you so much for being what you are, right now, and enlightening us all on the problem. freshwest May 2013 #207

I wouldn't call anecdotal information that is meant to represent an entire generation very good... yawnmaster May 2013 #221

I was writing to Alp227, not generalizing. Take that up with him. EOM. freshwest May 2013 #224

No problem, I thought you were replying to the OP. eom yawnmaster May 2013 #226

This whole matter is between Ms. Jolie and her Doctor... Tikki May 2013 #238

Somehow in America it became cool to be a total asshole. Ganja Ninja May 2013 #239

It is just easier for the assholes to become visible and communicate to a wider audience than... yawnmaster May 2013 #243

Absolutely. See Adam Carolla, Tucker Max, Daniel Tosh et. al. nomorenomore08 May 2013 #244