Here's how I can tell when people are wasting my time on discussion boards...

[sibelian]

Last edited Thu Feb 12, 2015, 09:00 PM - Edit history (4)

Let's say I ask a question -

"Where's the cat?"

Useful responses would consist of something like:

"The cat is over there"
"There is no cat and there never has been a cat, the cat has always been a figment of your imagination"
"I don't know where the cat is"
"It's not a cat, it's a dog"
"It would be great if we could find the cat, but we really need to talk about the hot-dog stand"
"I have found the cat"
"Ok I'll help you find the cat"
"Here's what we do in order to find the cat"
"Don't worry, the cat is fine"
"I'm sorry to say that the cat is dead"
"The cat is sitting on your head"
("I don't regard finding the cat as a priority") - EDIT - Donald Ian Rankin has pointed out that this should be different, so, instead: "The cat isn't the priority". So there you go! Even I fuck this up sometimes!


Useless responses would consist of things like this:

"You're obsessed with cats"
"Why should I care about the cat?"
"People who like cats are stupid"
" "
"What makes you think anyone here cares about the cat"
"You keep going on and on about cats"
"You want a pony"
"Why do people keep blathering on about cats"
"Why can't these Cat Derangement Syndrome people fuck off"
"Why do you hate dogs"
""
"So I guess you want Jeb Bush for President"


EDIT: AND THIS:

"When you say 'Where's the cat' do you realise that you are pre-supposing that the people you are talking to actually have any information about the cat? You don't seem to have considered the possibility that those on the receiving end of your concern may not have any direct involvement with the cat or any knowledge of it's whereabouts. You do realise that the word 'where' implies a location, well who's to say that the cat's location is actually useful to know? And even if it is useful to know, why would anyone feel comfortable in discussing their knowledge of the cat's location with you? I think you're making a number of ill-considered assumptions about not only the cat itself, but any who may put serious consideration into answering your question. You do realise that it was a question? That means you're putting pressure on people to answer it. Some people don't feel comfortable answering questions. And have you actually established that the cat wishes it's whereabouts to be known? I'm not sure we can assume that. You do realise that that's an assumption? And do you realise that many cats have a tendency to go out and be away from home, sometimes for extended periods? And do you realise that there may be a relationship between the cat and those whom you are aggressively interrogating which may not be any of your concern? Do you realise that? You do realise that, don't you? Don't you realise that? Please consider deleting."


So, DU, what distinguishes list 1 from list 2?

"We don't know, sibelian! TELL US. WE ARE BIG-EYED AND ENRAPTURED BY YOUR INFINITE WISDOM."

Well, it's like this.

The responses in list 1, even though in certain cases they thwart the aims of the person asking where the cat is, retain the mysterious and hypothetical cat as the subject of the communication.

The responses in the second list do not. The second list consists of people talking indirectly about the person asking the question, which is a waste of time.

And what this means, darlings, is that the person doing the responding in list 2 has no real interest in what was said and is simply stuffing the Universe with junk.

It is emo-spam.

Delete the offenders from your life. Press "ignore".

Alternatively, if you're like me, use them as a lightning conductor for pent-up working life frustrations and be FIFTY TIMES AS RUDE in return. Whyever not? It's not like they care.

Cheers, petals!