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Freelancer

(2,107 posts)

15. I am that person

Sat May 9, 2015, 08:35 PM

May 2015

All those traits describe me to a T -- at least they used to. After years of the endless adulation, the money, the job offers, and the sex -- don't get me started on the sex -- it just got so exhausting being perfect that I couldn't go on. Luckily, I found a treatment program, and can prowdly say that I've held the same dead-end job for 13 years now. Most days, women completely ignore me, and the parties seem like a barely remembered dream.

I'd go on, but my tears of joy might short out my keyboard.

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Highlight:

Here's How To Be Exceptionally Likable [View all] kentauros May 2015 OP

I was all in until Sedona May 2015 #1

Maybe that's the "twisted DU punchline" kentauros May 2015 #3

That one should be completely rephrased. silverweb May 2015 #10

As opposed to having them come to tied up in the trunk of your car? Spitfire of ATJ May 2015 #17

Exactly! silverweb May 2015 #24

eye of the hurricane I see :) steve2470 May 2015 #2

Well, it's Saturday. kentauros May 2015 #4

well, that was my sugar overload for the day. niyad May 2015 #5

Happy to be of service! kentauros May 2015 #6

Well, all of those work, if being likable is an important goal. MineralMan May 2015 #7

adress everyone you don't know as olddots May 2015 #8

Don't fart in the elevator. JEB May 2015 #9

Let's practice shall we... luvspeas May 2015 #11

Flame bait! rug May 2015 #12

At least it's not click-bait! kentauros May 2015 #21

There are 14. But if you do the first 13, you won't have any flaws! Buns_of_Fire May 2015 #13

I like all those ideas in general. Sienna86 May 2015 #14

I am that person Freelancer May 2015 #15

Yeah, but what happened to the sex? rug May 2015 #23

what does the phrase "cantaloupe heated in a microwave" suggest to you? MisterP May 2015 #26

trumad. rug May 2015 #27

oh, I'm telling on that one MisterP May 2015 #32

What? That wasn't a psychological test? rug May 2015 #40

Still working on that Freelancer May 2015 #51

Great post! And welcome to DU! patricia92243 May 2015 #60

I was expecting the last panel to read: "Be a rich white man." tclambert May 2015 #16

Why? (nt) Nye Bevan May 2015 #54

Now apply all of these to the job of a Mafia Hit Man and it's actually funny. Spitfire of ATJ May 2015 #18

Ha!.... paleotn May 2015 #19

Everyone's a critic! lovemydog May 2015 #20

Keep it up, "troll", and you'll get your pizza! kentauros May 2015 #22

For anyone reading, lovemydog May 2015 #29

I also put "that word" in quotes, kentauros May 2015 #39

ask and ye shall receive steve2470 May 2015 #43

'Here Lies A Disruptor lovemydog May 2015 #44

That's it! kentauros May 2015 #55

this reminds me of Dale Carnegie's "How to Win Friends and Influence People" steve2470 May 2015 #25

My parents sent me to one of their programs, kentauros May 2015 #58

i am less likable of late. hrmjustin May 2015 #28

you ? steve2470 May 2015 #30

Unfortunately the responses to me show it to be true. hrmjustin May 2015 #33

Nice. I think you covered about six traits lovemydog May 2015 #35

just lil ol' me :) nt steve2470 May 2015 #37

You seem cool to me. lovemydog May 2015 #31

Likewise but I feel i have pissed a few off lately. hrmjustin May 2015 #34

Nah. Then turn to the default: lovemydog May 2015 #36

lol. thanks. hrmjustin May 2015 #41

unfortunately, until DNC convention 2016 and probably for a bit afterwards.... steve2470 May 2015 #38

All good people on both sides. hrmjustin May 2015 #42

Agree. Many. lovemydog May 2015 #45

Welll said my friend! hrmjustin May 2015 #46

Thanks my friend! lovemydog May 2015 #47

Thanks for the invite. hrmjustin May 2015 #48

It's all that damn Alliteration. Warren DeMontague May 2015 #52

. hrmjustin May 2015 #53

Kentauros, look at what you started here in GD. lovemydog May 2015 #49

Thank you! kentauros May 2015 #56

Oh man, all my plans for the next hour just went out the window. Warren DeMontague May 2015 #50

I can only imagine... kentauros May 2015 #57

Haha! lovemydog May 2015 #59

Here's a better idea: F4lconF16 May 2015 #61