'F*ck You Guys!' Sen. Gallego Goes Nuclear On Pete Hegseth Investigating Mark Kelly

[gfarber]

37. Gallego Responds

There once was a DoD claim
That an astronaut stepped out of frame.
A PSA plea
Sparked a Pentagon spree,
And an inquiry swiftly became.

A secretary sounded off quick,
Calling six in a video “seditious” and slick.
He said Kelly’s display
Led the troops astray—
A charge meant to seriously stick.

He warned that the captain, retired,
Still fell under rules once he’d wired.
With a pointed remark,
He insisted the spark
Could bring actions the brass had required.

A senator traveling the state
Heard the news and declared it not great.
With language quite raw,
He expressed his deep awe
At what he called moves of the state.

Two lawmakers stood in a bind,
Accusations and warnings aligned.
With passions aflare
In the public square,
They argued what duty defined.

The Pentagon suddenly said,
“Hey, Kelly’s gone wild in the head!”
A PSA note
Made officials emote—
Now they’re hunting his rank like it fled.

Hegseth hopped onto X in a rage,
Like a bard who’d been booed off the stage.
He declared with great might
That the video’s sight
Was “seditious”—and not for his age.

He warned, “We can call him back in!
Yes, active-duty—begin!”
Imagine the scene:
An astronaut Marine
Reporting while wearing a grin.

Gallego was driving along,
When the news hit him terribly wrong.
“Are you kidding me, guys?
This is nuts!” he replies—
And he basically sang it in song.

So the senators suddenly found
That a PSA shook up the ground.
It took not a coup—
Just a clip or two—
To get half of D.C. spinning ’round.