Meet The 22-Year-Old Twit Charged With Keeping America Safe From Iranian Sleeper Terrorists!

[Zorro]

We feel so safe!



Stop us if you’ve heard this one before. The United States launches an unjustified attack on a foreign nation with a majority-Muslim population. And no matter whether the attack achieves whatever its goals are or not, the federal government warns the public that there might be revenge attacks by sleeper cells living quiet lives running bodegas in New York or something. But now those cells have been activated, so we all need to be alert and to watch for anything suspicious and also walk around in our daily lives with our heads on a swivel so if you see something, say something.

We’re hearing some of this kind of stuff in the wake of this weekend’s bombing of Iranian nuclear sites. But just in case those sleeper cells really do come alive and set in motion their revenge plots exist, we can thank the Lord that Emperor of the Firmament and All the Heavens Donald Trump has put a hyper-qualified official into a high-ranking Department of Homeland Security job overseeing some of the department’s terrorism prevention efforts, just in case.

And by hyper-qualified, we mean the dude is a 22-year-old MAGA boob who used to work at the grocery store.

Everyone meet Thomas Fugate, a man whose face in his official photo practically shouts, “Put your hands over your drinks!” ProPublica ran a story on Fugate in the long-ago days of three weeks ago, when it felt like just one more atrocity in an administration that is made up of nothing but atrocities. But it seems newly relevant now if one wants to think about how seriously to take all the fearmongering and rah-rah-rah chest-thumping coming out of the White House.

Seriously, did he think arching that eyebrow made him somehow look more adult? Or did he once have a terrible accident involving an exploding can of Axe body spray, and now his eyebrow is permanently frozen in that position? If it’s the former, pffft, nice try, kid. If it’s the latter, we apologize for mocking his disability.

https://www.wonkette.com/p/meet-the-22-year-old-twit-charged