humorous quips on life and/or parenting [View all]
My daughter told her friends that her dad is so old he grew up in the late 1900s and yall I just cant.
FINALLY, the Facebook algorithm gets me
New rival dad is moving in next door today. So I sat outside with a beer and shouted out helpful advice like, "lift with your legs not your back" and "if you lifted weights you might be able to move that".
today my daughter enters a new phase of life as i bestow upon her the knowledge of friendship bracelet making
At my parents house:
10: Mom can you get me a snack thats not expired?
I hate that the song stuck in my head is about a diabetes medication.
(a reply by at willcookart: I was noodling on the guitar over the weekend- pretty unaware of what I was playing. My GF walked in, looked at me and said, "Is that the f*king Jardiance commercial??"
My husband planted grass seed on Sunday, so my apologies for the blizzard were now obviously gonna get
11: what do you mean I can't have more sugar today? I only had 2 cinnamon rolls this morning and you had 3.
me: first off - get out of my house.
Welcome to your 40s. You now enjoy sitting on your patio for no reason. It's your greatest joy now.
Hey ya'll, if anyone needs anything, my kid officially knows everything.
At work I was referred to as an
older woman
just bury me I guess, Im practically a corpse.
Taking tomorrow off, so if you need me, I'll be in a deep meditative state at Target
I have eaten all the candy, so my kids will open their Easter eggs to find Heinz ketchup packets
for just 1 second, remember that we have someone dress up as a furry in the middle of a mall and we make our kids sit with this strange man-bunny and then tell the kids that this person-rabbit is going to break into our house and leave them candy
Filet-O-Fish? Absolutely, I love Irish food.
Kid: *spills cereal all over the floor*
My husband: Can you grab the vacuum cleaner?
Me: Sure *whistles for the dog*
You reach peak adulting when you have a favorite gas station in town.
I made a playlist for when I go running.
The perfect Easter gift doesnt exi-