Lack of male role models, abusive childhood, subsequent self hatred.

[Wilms]

3. Well, there are role model-worthy behaviors you've witnessed.

Even if you don't identify a given person as a role model, there are ways of being you prefer and aspire to that are role model-like. (You wouldn't be wrestling these issues if you were short of the good stuff that makes wrestling these issues possible. Just sayin'.)

And of your PT and others--they see your good traits, and I'll venture so do YOU as evidenced by your sobbing at the PT's provocation. You, emotionally, knew what he said was true. You were elated with the confirmation and too tired from the physical exercise to let your dad get in the way of you seeing reality. So you cried. I hope you cried from your seven year old space (it's still in there, of course). Indeed, "where was" this man, any MAN, when you were seven? That, and hearing the truth about you is sob-worthy stuff. Good for you, I should add!

Knowing this, intellectually, emotionally and quite painfully as well, suggests to me you have another role model. You. THAT you. The you that knows these things at times joyfully, and at others, painfully, and often both at the same time--bittersweet.

Internalize that.

BTW, tell the next seven year old you see just how wonderful they are. K?