It's the holidays again. Yay.

[happybird]

I have a lot of time off work this week and next. It makes me very anxious to have that much free time. It’s like a big, yawning black hole ahead of me, laying in wait.

We were closed yesterday (Saturday, one of my usual 10-12 hour work days), and are closed tomorrow and Tuesday for our usual “weekend.” Then, I have 4 days off in a row next week (Sat, Sun, Mon, Tues.) Ugh. My coworkers are all thrilled for the time off to spend with their families. I’m at a loss for what to do. So anxious just thinking about it. Not to mention the loss of income.

I used to wonder why so many people disliked the holidays. Since I’ve been sober, it has occurred to me that I used to love them because of all the parties. I stayed drunk and high the whole time and didn’t carry around this huge load of guilt and shame. Dealing with my family is a lot more difficult without the numbing buffer.

I’ll muddle through. I just hate feeling like this.