My wife is a major hoarder and I need suggestions on how to proceed

[sfdennis1]

10. So sorry

As someone who deals with hoarding tendencies myself, the 'bad news' is that is a serious, persistant and damaging mental compulsion/disorder that usually gets WORSE over time without treatment. And it can have devastating effects for both the hoarder themselves, as well as for any partners, family members etc that have to live with the effects. It's FAR more involved than "they're just disorganized" or "he/she/they are a pack rat". I've found some good educational resources/videos on YouTube and I'd suggest you begin by educating yourself about the nature, potential root causes (still very much being researched) and diagnosis of Hoarding Disorder. Hoarders are often intelligent, otherwise accomplished, and caring people...they aren't "bad" or "lazy" but ARE often in extreme denial about their condition. And will often fight ANY change tooth and nail...almost like an addict would fight when confronted with removing their "fix"...Recovery and improvement IS possible, but only once the hoarder has some understanding and clear realization of how "out of control" their life has become, and how it has impacted their relationships.

In any case, my hope if that YOU, poster, reach out for support and learn to take care of/satisfy your own needs for a "safe, sane and semi-organized" homespace, and set appropriate boundaries about how you will live YOUR life. Hopefully the hoarder you love ;-> will be open to receiving support (and usually, outside help) to begin healing this challenging compulsion...but you deserve to live a life that brings you contentent and joy.