PLEASE Help! I got back from appt, Not what I was expecting. I guess I shouldn't be surprised.

[Denninmi]

32. Yeah, well, I just gave TMI.

I wanted to be very forthright, to provide all relevant information.

It triggered "concerns" from a medical legal standpoint, aka a red flag, the checkmark you allude to.

OK, I can be blunt, since you all know pretty much my entire life story anyway. She asked me if I was ever suicidal, or ever had suicidal thoughts. I told her yes, which is truthful. I have suicidal thoughts now and then. Who doesn't? I think it's pretty normal human behavior to contemplate your own mortality, and to explore just a bit in your mind to think about how much control you might want over your death in situation X. "If I had terminal cancer and was in so much pain, I would want to do ...."

I think that having suicidal thoughts isn't the same as being suicidal. It is certainly a continuum, and the former is a necessary precondition for the latter. We all have many thoughts we never act on. I can think of buying a sports car, but that doesn't mean I'm racing one down the freeways tonight. I could go my entire life thinking of buying a sports car and never actually own one.

I don't act on these thoughts. Never. I don't even contemplate acting on them. The idea just comes at times. I view it perhaps differently, I view it much the way Dr. Jack Kevorkian did, it should be a right reserved to the individual for their use at an appropriate time. I don't buy the view that we are in some way "property of the state" that must be kept alive against our wills. And yes, it IS very different talking psychiatric versus medical reasons. But there are still similarities too. It is something I would want the right to do if my life were hopeless agony and pain. I don't feel I'm hopeless or in that much agony or pain. Frankly, a couple of prescriptions, some rest, a better diet, some weight loss (I am down 5 lbs as of this morning, yeah!), maybe a little less stress and some "me time" would probably fix me right up.

Its not something I have the vaguest concept of doing now. There is the issue, she didn't apparently believe me.

And she has a legal duty under Michigan law to report anyone who is an "imminent danger".

Define imminent. Well, that can get gray.

So, she kind of strong-armed me into going the route I really didn't want to go. I get where she is coming from. Doing her job, partially a CYA move too on her part, she would be professional responsible if she made a mistake and didn't deal with a patient in this situation who then did harm self or others.

I had half of the necessary conversation this morning with my mother. Laid the foundation, then there was an interruption and no more opportunity. I will finish tonight.

I am also contacting these proposed programs to get info from them.

Its probably not as dire as I felt yesterday. Chips are already falling, so be it.

And I could use a vacation, even if the spa isn't very luxurious. So we'll see.

Working on it. In a few weeks, all of this part of this will be behind me. Perspectives will be better, and I perhaps can shut up a while.

And again, I hope this wasn't TMI here, either. Just telling the truth.