Neither you nor Jen have any responsibility for any of those events. Of course you know that, but maybe somewhere down inside you're not so sure.
Part of the disorder can be having thoughts that you know are absurd, but there they are anyway, and sometimes they can seem immune to logic.
As a fellow agnostic (and I believe regardless what we call ourselves, we are ALL agnostics), I share your yearning for an ultimate tranquility and "rightness" and a desire to see others "in the flesh" again, for lack of a better term.
Of course you've heard of Pascal's Wager, the idea that we should believe, just in case a God's out there. I'm sure many have accepted those terms through the last 100 years, but in modern "christianity" there's nothing but political bullshit masquerading as "holiness."
Nothing will make me dismiss the condition, misery and suffering of my fellow man; as a "christian" I was raised to be an unquestioning, racist, thing-that-I-detest. My family is most disappointed that I'm not like them, while I thank God (or, you know) that I'm not!
Religion fascinates me somewhat, and I've tried to listen to all viewpoints, many of which (once you get past the control-freak aspects of it) come down mainly to wanting a hereafter where we can do the things you described above. Once, while talking to an older Jewish man about death, etc., he told me "No one is dead as long as someone remembers them."
I think that's true. For me, for you, for Jen's cousin, for your granddad, for Vito. Never let the memories fade and they'll always be alive.
Take care.