A manic mood right now

[HereSince1628]

8. Yes, there must be room for everyone to be unique

and yet, the nature of a dx is that there is similarity. Such is human existence, trying to square one experience with the expectations of many others deemed similar.

Only slowly, I came to grasp how it could be that the desire to experience mania overwhelmed my ex's interest, and awareness that taking medication removed the feelings that she actually had come to desire and need.

Medication wasn't an aid, it was the enemy, the thing that took away what she saw as an enhanced state of existance that she enjoyed.

So I have difficulty understanding.,,you see your state as symptomatic, are aware that medication could help with the symptoms, but reject the medication. It's a curious place between "not quite here" and "not quite there".