I don't know what to do

[ohheckyeah]

5. Thank you....

I don't think I can be the one to offer her much as she doesn't want it from me. She decided a long time ago that I'm somehow out to get her. Every time I open up to her and try to have a relationship it turns into an opportunity for her to attack me.

My younger sisters may be able to get through to her but I don't know. This was the first time they have suffered her wrath as it had always been directed at me in the past. They don't know how to deal with it - I at least had years in Al-Anon that helped me realize that I "didn't cause it, can't control it and can't cure it"...whatever the "it" is; whether it's depression, someone's drinking or something else.

Right now, I'm in defensive mode. When I suffered the panic attack, it had been so long since I had one that I didn't even realize what it was at first. A friend pointed it out to me. I can't go back to that place. I worked too hard to overcome it.

I appreciate all the advice and kind words. I responded to her email by saying that I can and have forgiven her and that we could move forward to have a good time at my parent's anniversary party. I don't know what else to say to her right now so I left it at that.