What's the best way to deal with help rejecting complainers?

[steve2470]

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-couch/201410/whats-the-best-way-deal-help-rejecting-complainers

F. Diane Barth L.C.S.W.

Adrienne* is basically a nice woman. But she seems to feel that bad things only happen to her. Or when bad things happen to her, they’re worse than when they happen to anyone else. For instance, when her upstairs neighbor’s water pipes burst and leaked into Adrienne’s guest bedroom, Adrienne was sad about it for weeks. She talked about all of the terrible consequences of the disaster, including all of the money she would be spending on re-painting the damaged wall and ceiling in the room. During that time, a friend had an accident and broke her arm. Adrienne was very kind to this friend, even taking time out of her own schedule to visit, shop, and run errands for her. But soon the friend had tired of Adrienne’s ongoing chatter about the leak, the terrible struggle to get the walls repaired, and how terrible things always seemed to happen to her.

Is there is someone in your life who seems to always feel sorry for him or herself? Do you find yourself offering advice that never gets accepted? And do you feel guilty, because instead of sympathizing with their difficulties, you frequently feel frustrated with them?

If so, you are not alone. While Adrienne has some good friends who genuinely like her and feel that she does often get a raw deal in life, she sometimes irritates them. And she has difficulties at work because, although she is good at her job, she appears to drive her supervisor crazy.

Why does someone like Adrienne, who so clearly wants us to feel sorry for her, end up irritating us? And what can you do about the Adrienne in your life?