who'd love to torture small animals... that's why no more boxes of kittens at the grocery store. 
I feel your loss and your indecision. I hope you find one who bonds with you and erases all your doubts.
My Mom was in a position to need to find another cat as a friend for hers, many years ago. We looked at a PetSmart adoption day, and she fell in love with a fluff ball. It was a gorgeous kitten and would grow up to be a beautiful cat, I had no doubt. But there was this one very small tabby whose personality was a perfect complement to her current cat, Mac. I finally talked her away from the fluff ball and to the tabby. We brought the tabby home, she named her "Minnie" and Mac and Minnie were an old "married" couple until their deaths in their late teens. Mac went first. I brought Minnie home with me (by this time Mom was at a nursing home), and Minnie was inconsolable at losing Mac. Luckily, more than a few of my cats bonded with her and made her last days more tolerable.
I wish we could get the word out that cats aren't aloof and independent. They all have different personalities; they all love and need love, and feel things even deeper than many humans, IMO.
Hoping you find luck and love today... and a new baby finds a good forever home.
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