Another anniversary and it doesn't get any easier.

[polly7]

11. It will be 5 years in about one hour.

My Dad shot himself and I found him. I'd just said goodnight to him an hour earlier after trying to give him hope that we hadn't even started yet to explore possibilities to get him help for a sudden illness. He'd never been sick a day in his life, and I know he did it to spare all of us from what he believed he would be going through. I've seen many suicides with the ambulance, but nothing prepared my heart and soul for his. I have nightmares that he's calling for me and I can't reach him. I just can't seem to process it.

I just don't really know the words to tell others anymore, because I know how hard it is, and personally ... I'm just stuck, so don't know if I'm helping others when I try to help or just making them feel worse. I know I'm not making much sense.