the fact that I haven't seen my Mum since Aug 23 1997. There is a huge hole in my life since she's gone.
I am so sorry that you are hurting and missing him so so much. What I wouldn't give for all of us to have one more moment in time, one more hug, a smile a touch...
Life has been terribly rough for you and handed you a few really hard blows. I hope the time coming improves and your general health is better.
I think when we are feeling better physically it contributes to our mental well being and helps to get us through the days easier.
Are you in physio-therapy to help with your walking?
I wish I could do something for you but I do want you to know that so many of us here care and can emphathize with what you're going through.
Hang in there friend. There has to be better days ahead. Keep telling yourself that ok?
much love
kesha.
******
edited to add:
I should have read some other replies before typing away. I am glad you have a good hematologist working to aid you. My Hema is at times it seems the only one who does anything to help me.
I'm glad to see that you are getting a bit of therapy. I hope it starts to do a lot of good for you 
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