This isn't about me ... really.

[auntAgonist]

I'm not looking for sympathy or hugs or anything like that. I just want to put it out there that my heart and soul are crushed and I'm at a loss.
Me who has words and love for everyone. The strong me who people come to, and welcomingly so .. The me who can handle ANYTHING .. miss tough gal.

I have lost 2 of my best friends in the last 7 weeks to cancer. Both suddenly. Oh we knew they were fighting tough battles but neither had any idea that they would die so quickly.

Dawn, age 48. Admitted to hospital because of constant fluid build up in her abdomen. Each day she was drained of many many litres of fluid. Her kidneys and liver failed. They were trying to get her strong enough for a liver transplant they said on a saturday morning, she was put on a respirator Saturday afternoon and died at 8:20pm on Saturday night.

Pam, age 60. Had bone, lung and stomach cancer but was managing well on chemo. Suffered a broken clavicle and injured hip while trying to navigate with her walker. Admitted to hospital on a Sunday. Drs performed hip surgery on the Wednesday (her oncologist was not informed prior to this and was furious when she found out. She would have stopped them from doing surger). The following Tuesday Pam informed me that she wasn't ever coming home, they were sending her to Hospice.
Pam died one week later. She was kept comfortable and pain free (?), comatose until she took her last breath.

Pam's family was very kind and allowed me to sit with her. I would go each day for only a few minutes giving them all the privacy I felt they needed. I don't think I spent more than 15 minutes each day. On the day she died, I was going to leave after my usual 15 but her son invited me to stay as long as I was comfortable with. She only had hours to live. I stayed an hour sensing her time was coming near. I was right. They were with her when she passed.

I had asked them to let me know when 'it' happened, call me text me .. but please before it got out on facebook.

I read it on facebook late that night.

I texted both son and daughter asking them to please keep me updated as to funeral or memorial service plans. Daughter-in-law said she would keep me posted.

Pam died 4 days ago. I have heard nothing. They've gone 'dark' on FB and I will not 'stalk' them or annoy them with messages.
If they are having a private family service and or interment that's their right. But, I guess I would like to know that and not be pushed away.

As I said, it's not about me. It's about a family that seems to have shut me out. I KNOW, believe me, I know they are grieving. They are a VERY close knit family and I do respect that.
I thanked them every time I visited. I thanked them for allowing me to share their most precious hours with me.
I know I did everything right but I feel I'm being crapped on.


I'm sorry. I just needed to vent. To get it out. To try to make these tears stop.

aA
kesha.


I truly hope you are all doing well as the holidays approach. Much love to each and every one of you.
This group is a godsend for many of us.