William Shakespeare

[Magrittes Pipe]

I love his plays. But come on, they're treated like the pinnacle of the English language. As far as I can tell, Shakespeare's plays are little more than five acts full of dick jokes.

That's WHY I like them!

[Fovea]

1. Depends on the play...

Troylus is certainly just one big VD joke.

But Hamlet is really low on the dick joke scale.

[Magrittes Pipe]

2. Okay, Hamlet had far more pussy jokes.

It's still bursting with genetalia.

[Fovea]

14. Get thee to a nunnery...

Go!

[MrScorpio]

3. Henry V was dick duel of epic proportions

"Mine's is bigger than the Dauphin's, baby!"

[aquart]

12. What about the Penis Monolog in Measure for Measure?

<http://www.shakespeare-literature.com/Measure_for_Measure/6.html>

ANGELO: What's this? what's this? is this her fault or mine?
The tempter, or the tempted, who sins most?
Ha!
Not she, nor doth she tempt; but it is I
That, lying by the violet in the sun,
Do as the carrion does, not as the flower,
Corrupt with virtuous season. Can it be
That modesty may more betray our sense
Than woman's lightness? Having wasteground enough,
Shall we desire to raze the sanctuary
And pitch our evils there? O fie, fie, fie!
What dost thou? or what are thou, Angelo?
Dost thou desire her foully for those things
That make her good? O, let her brother live:
Thieves for their robbery have authority
When judges steal themselves. What, do I love her,
That I desire to hear her speak again,
And feast upon her eyes? what is't I dream on?
O cunning enemy that, to catch a saint,
With saints dost bait thy hook: most dangerous
Is that temptation that doth goad us on
To sin in loving virtue. Never could the strumpet
With all her double vigor, art and nature,
Once stir my temper; but this virtuous maid
Subdues me quite. Ever till now,
When men were fond, I smiled and wondered how.

Act II, Scene II, right after the blowjob imagery.

[aquart]

4. Where is All of the Above?

Any dick joke you can tell for four hundred years and still get a laugh, is a GREAT dick joke. Pinnacle, in fact.

You have unfortunately been led to believe that greatness cannot be found in dick jokes. I'm sorry about that.

P.S. Is it possible you have NOT found the dick jokes in Oscar Wilde? How about Chaucer?

[Magrittes Pipe]

5. Uh...

Where did I say that greatness could not be found in dick jokes?

Oh, and Chaucer's like an Andrew Dice Clay routine.

[starroute]

6. Don't forget Islandic sagas

http://www.news-medical.net/?id=3539

"Research into medieval Icelandic gender and sexuality has found that even the heroes of Viking Age sagas were troubled by the thought that size really does matter.

Dr Carl Phelpstead of Cardiff University’s School of English, Communication and Philosophy presented a paper: 'Size Matters: Penile Problems in Sagas of Icelanders' to the International Medieval Congress, held in Leeds last week.

<snip>

"In one example, in Grettir’s saga, a serving woman bursts out laughing when she sees Grettir Asmundarson naked. She remarks: 'it seems to me extraordinary how small he is below - I would not have believed it if someone had told me'. The defensive Grettir points out that his large testicles compensate for his small penis."

[pagerbear]

7. Yeah, that's the line I always use!

[aquart]

9. Yes. Yes, he is.

[Fovea]

15. I am with you on Chaucer

I mean the Miller's Tale alone...

[eyesroll]

35. Middle English is fun!

This nicholas was risen for to pisse,
And thoughte he wolde amenden al the jape;
He sholde kisse his ers er that he scape.
And up the wyndowe dide he hastily,
And out his ers he putteth pryvely
Over the buttok, to the haunche-bon;
And therwith spak this clerk, this absolon,
Spek, sweete bryd, I noot nat where thou art.
This nicholas anon leet fle a fart,
As greet as it had been a thonder-dent,
That with the strook he was almoost yblent;
And he was redy with his iren hoot,
And nicholas amydde the ers he smoot.

This Nicholas had risen for a piss,
And thought that it would carry on the jape
To have his arse kissed by this jack-a-nape.
And so he opened window hastily,
And put his arse out thereat, quietly,
Over the buttocks, showing the whole bum;
And thereto said this clerk, this Absalom,
"O speak, sweet bird, I know not where thou art."
This Nicholas just then let fly a fart
As loud as it had been a thunder-clap,
And well-nigh blinded Absalom, poor chap;
But he was ready with his iron hot
And Nicholas right in the arse he got.

[Swamp Rat]

8. Yes, Chaucer... chock full of bawdy humor.

Oscar lives up to his surname as well.

[Magrittes Pipe]

11. Oh, Wilde is ribald, sure.

But dryly so.

He was a wit. Willy and Geoff were all about "huh-huh. 'Wood.'"

[tigereye]

17. sorry that's crap

you really need to read the plays. I was reading Macbeth to my son an d the language is so deep and rich. Really. Reread it. It is not all dick jokes. Al everything is not about penises!! And what are you doing out of bed?

as a Eng Lit major, I had to tell you. :)

[tigereye]

18. sorry that's crap

you really need to read the plays. I was reading Macbeth to my son an d the language is so deep and rich. Really. Reread it. It is not all dick jokes. Al everything is not about penises!! And what are you doing out of bed?

as a Eng Lit major, I had to tell you. :)

oops I was so irate I double clicked!!

[Magrittes Pipe]

20. I have read the plays.

Okay, I haven't read all the histories. But the tragedies and comedies? Yes.

And again, I am not mocking the value of the plays. I just find the idea of Shakespeare as some sort of pinnacle of lofty language to be laughable.

The plays are definitely well-written (far more well-written than an Elizabethan actor could manage, IMO), but definitely not highbrow.

[tigereye]

25. If you compare the language to other writers of the period,

perhaps no. But if you compare to some of the lackluster language we hear today, yes. I have read and seen many of the plays, numerous times. But you don't hear language and depth of meaning, and wonderful, aggravating complexity in quite the same way. Read it out loud to someone. Maybe you do that already. Yes, there are other wonderful writers of the period. Donne and Marvell come first to mind. There is beautiful writing in many languages throughout history. But.
Few of them ( English writers) are embraced and cherished the way that Shakespeare is and I believe there is a reason for that. Considering he has been dead for 4oo some years and has no agent! Well, if you exclude generations of English professors and other academics.


so I will have to respectfully disagree with you. :)

[Fenris]

10. Dude, "Othello" was doing well-endowed black man jokes centuries

before Mel Brooks.

[ChavezSpeakstheTruth]

13. I've always enjoyed Richard III - what a prick!

[Nevernose]

16. My all time favorite, too.

He murders EVERYONE -- and laughs and gloats the whole time.

Delightfully evil. This one is way more black comedy than serious drama -- at least if you have a sick and twisted sense of humor.

[tigereye]

19. men! merde!

let the little head do the thinking... ;)

[jpgray]

21. Dick jokes are the pinnacle of the English language (nt)

[Magrittes Pipe]

22. Aye, thou unbridled cockerel!

[jpgray]

23. Our lame responses to tigereye excluded, of course

Though toothsome is still a great compliment because it sounds mildly offensive.

[tigereye]

26. hey don't make me come over there

with my English Lit BA and slap y'all with some high- toned language!

[jukes]

24. but classy

dick jokes. chauser, on the o'hand, was merely scatological.

[tigereye]

28. no I think there was more to Chaucer too

oh boy I am in over my head, too. Guess I'll have to enlist other Litophiles and hold a course. DU lit corner or something.

[supernova]

27. Actually Shakespeare was closer to "Dallas" and "Dynasty"

than Beavis and Butthead in terms of how he was percieved in his day.

But sheer use of Language? Ha! Nobody rivaled him.

Let's see you write a 5 act play all in poetry.

[tigereye]

29. thank you supernova!

[supernova]

31. Hey, Us English Majors

have to stick together! :D

[Magrittes Pipe]

32. Hey, I was an English major, too.

And Willie (or whoever actually wrote those plays) was a naughty, naughty boy!

[supernova]

34. It certaintly wasn't the Earl of Oxford

unless he had a complete rhetoric and talent transplant. :P

[tigereye]

37. I thought you were a philosophy major

sorry. :( Didn't mean to malign your level of lit-ness!

[Magrittes Pipe]

41. Hel-loooo!

Double major.

[tigereye]

43. I forgot

must be approaching senility. Can't remember everything! I'll add it to the case notes. ;)

[underpants]

30. Booooooooooooooooooooooooooring!

No thanks

[Magrittes Pipe]

33. Well, you are perfectly within your rights...

...to be completely WRONG!

[jpgray]

36. Really? Parts of King Lear read like a scene from a Scorsese mob film

Cornwall gouges Gloucester's eyes out and squishes them with his boot heel! You can almost hear him asking 'Am I a clown? Do I amuse you?'

[tigereye]

38. no Scorsese reads like Shakespeare!

but also like Greek Tragedy. I recently saw Yeats Cuchullan Cycle performed at an Irish organization I belong too, and it made me remember that there was plenty of gouging going on way back when as well!

[underpants]

39. Cornwall gougeth thine eyes of Glocester and doth squisheth them

:boring:

This is 'Murka dammit SPEAK SPANISH!

[Bridget Burke]

40. An English Professor almost ruined Shakespeare for me....

A failed poet, he sat reading from his yellowed notes on the poems & plays of Shakespeare. He took a Freudian approach to everything. Specifically, the Oedipus Complex was the root of all Shakespeare's work. Hamlet? Macbeth? All Oedipal. The history plays? England was the Mother all fought to possess. Deadly dull, totally dry, with no love for the language at all. I could well understand why his one slender volume of verse stocked used-book stores around town.

Seeing the plays is the best way to appreciate Shakespeare. The University of Houston has been presenting Shakespeare plays each summer in Hermann Park. This year's offerings are Taming of the Shrew (set in the West--see picture) & a pan-Asian Macbeth. And the local underground theater folks do a bit of Shakespeare from time to time. No royalties to pay--and the groundlings still applaud.

The plays are the pinnacle of the English language. But even the tragedies are full of "jokes"--some quite naughty. What's wrong with that?

[jpgray]

42. My Shakespeare professor was awesome

It's a shame yours wasn't too great. Ours looked like an aged yet clean cut Captain Morgan. :D

[tigereye]

45. I had a great professor who loved both the language

and the non-Freudian interpretations. Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar. Seeing the plays, then rereading them or reading them aloud is the way to go. And the ribaldry is great, just not the only thing happening. :)

[flamingyouth]

44. Ha ha, the mushy middle is winning handily

Just as I predicted.:evilgrin:

[Magrittes Pipe]

46. Oh, poo on you.